In a society where men and women raise families together, intercourse is presented as a lovemaking act. But originally, mating is clearly an act of sexual assault by the male. By depositing his sperm in her vagina, a man potentially forces a woman to carry and bear his progeny. Unless she has some reassurance that a man will support her in raising a child, no woman is likely to volunteer for the risks of pregnancy and childbirth without a fight.
Intercourse begins with a man’s arousal because it relies on a man having an erection. Intercourse comes to an end with male orgasm and ejaculation because a man loses his erection. This is why male performance (the ability to become aroused and orgasm) is critical to heterosexual activity. Female performance has come to refer to women’s skill at providing male turn-ons.
Regardless of the circumstances, men tend to view sex in terms of a male conquest. Hence why sex is often demeaning for women. Intercourse is a territorial act of dominance by the male over the female. This is very clear from nature. Intercourse is essentially an act of female subjugation. For men, intercourse is foremost an erotic act, not necessarily a loving act. In our society men are shamed for being dominant (violent and bullying) and women are shamed for being submissive (timid and modest). Yet these natures lie at the very heart of heterosexuality and human reproduction.
The implication of male sexual bravado is that women are just helpless victims. Some men approach sex with an egotistical attitude as woman represents nothing more than a territorial conquest for them before they move on to the next. Men tend to condone male infidelity but not a woman who cheats. They assume a woman has no sexual agenda of her own. Some women enjoy the ego of a man desiring them even as a one-off occasion.
Men are often attracted to women who are timid and modest. They may avoid women who have strong personalities or who appear to be proactive. This is because of men’s territorial instincts. Men want to have control in sexual situations and they prefer virgin territory. A man feels appreciated when he is the only lover a woman has, rather than being one of many she is servicing. Men dislike promiscuous women because a man hopes his lovemaking skills differentiate him from other men. Ironically men often marry women who are hard to get. A man can be more sure of a timid wife’s loyalty which is paramount to a man’s pride (again a territorial instinct).
If a man waited for a woman to be enthusiastic about sex then he would wait for ever. So many men follow their instincts and take the initiative by making sexual advances. Regardless of his partner’s response, a man assumes her consent. This is an almost inevitable part of being male. Men’s sex drive makes women aware of men’s sexual needs that have to be satisfied. Men have extra-marital affairs, maintain mistresses or visit prostitutes. Wives compete with these women who divert men’s earnings away from the family.
Some men want a woman to dress up and act out a specific social role. Popular outfits include house maids, nurses and air stewardesses. These jobs are ones where women are of a lower social status, which means they may be vulnerable to (or gain from) advances from men higher up the social scale. Such women may be more amenable to sexual advances because of the social advantage of obtaining a rich lover and social benefactor. Women are not aroused by the idea of a man acting out different social roles. Men enjoy scenarios where they have control and can impress a woman.
In line with other female mammals, a woman’s response to the mating act ranges from indifference (a man only needs a woman to cooperate with intercourse for as long as he needs to ejaculate) to fierce objection (in the case of rape). Of the two scenarios, the one that involves most adrenaline (and so is most exciting) for a man is the rape scenario. A woman responds to rape with strenuous vocal and violent physical objections. This scenario contrasts with consensual intercourse, where a woman has little response because there is almost no physical sensation and zero erotic arousal.
Rape can be clearly seen to be an act of domination because women are sometimes badly injured (rendered infertile) or even killed. Rape is always an act of violation by a male because he has taken something the victim did not want to give. Most women want to know a man well before they offer sex. Women are attracted to men who exude charm and emotional warmth.
Men are accused of abusing women, assaulting them, raping them and even murdering them. But in fantasy land, women have orgasms all the time from the stimulation that men are so keen to provide. One would think that heterosexual men would want to protect and love women. Strangely, only heterosexual men attack women. If women were as willing as the fantasy implies, men would have no reason to harm a source of sexual pleasure. Men abuse prostitutes because of their resentment towards the women in their lives who withhold sex. Some men are much more inclined to violence than others. Most men simply find another partner or sexual outlet.
In species where there is a struggle before the female submits to coitus, the male must be physically dominant and capable of controlling the female. In the ultimate act it is the male which more often mounts in back of the female and makes the active pelvic thrusts which effect intromission. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)