Intercourse begins with a man’s arousal because it relies on a man having an erection. Intercourse comes to an end with male orgasm and ejaculation because a man loses his erection. This is why male performance (the ability to become aroused and orgasm) is critical to heterosexual activity. Female performance has come to refer to women’s skill at faking their arousal.
Intercourse is a territorial act of dominance by the male over the female. This is very clear from nature. In line with other female mammals, a woman’s response ranges from indifference (a man only needs a woman to cooperate for as long as he needs to ejaculate) to fierce objection (in the case of rape). Of the two scenarios, the one that involves most adrenaline for a man is the rape scenario. This is the scenario where a woman is likely to ‘respond’ with body movement and vocal objections. Consensual intercourse provides very little sensation and no arousal for a woman.
Regardless of the circumstances men tend to view sex in terms of a male conquest. Intercourse is essentially an act of female subjugation. Hence why sex is often demeaning for women. The implication is that women are just helpless victims. Men sometimes approach sex with an egotistical attitude as if each woman is simply a territorial conquest for them before they move on to the next. Men often think it’s fine if a man cheats but not if a woman cheats. They assume that a woman has no agenda of her own.
Some men want a woman to dress up and act out a specific social role. Popular outfits include house maids, nurses and air stewardesses. These jobs are ones where women are of a lower social status, which tends to make them vulnerable to advances from men higher up the social scale. Such women may be more amenable to such advances because of the social advantage of obtaining a rich man as a lover and benefactor. Women are not aroused by the idea of a man acting out different social roles. Men enjoy scenarios where they have control and can impress a woman.
If he waited for a woman to be enthusiastic then he would wait for ever. So many men follow their instincts and take the initiative by making sexual advances. Regardless of his partner’s response, a man assumes she must be willing. Sadly, this is an almost inevitable part of being male. Rape is defined by a woman’s strenuous vocal and violent physical objections.
In a society where men and women raise families together, we present intercourse as a lovemaking act. But originally, mating is clearly an act of assault by the male. No female volunteers for the risks of pregnancy and childbirth without a fight. In our society men are shamed for being dominant (violent and bullying) and women are shamed for being submissive (timid and modest). Yet these natures lie at the very heart of heterosexuality and human reproduction. By depositing his sperm her vagina, a man potentially forces a woman to carry and bear his progeny.
For men, intercourse is foremost an erotic act but not necessarily a loving act. Rape can be clearly seen to be an act of domination because women are sometimes badly injured (rendered infertile) or even killed. Rape is always an act of violation by a male because he has taken something the victim did not want to give. Most women want to know a man well before they offer sex. Women are attracted to men who exude emotional warmth.
Men are often attracted to women who are not sexually active. This is because of men’s territorial instincts. Men like ‘virgin territory’. They also dislike being compared to other lovers. So ironically men often marry women who are ‘hard to get’. Once married, men can be sure of a wife’s loyalty which is paramount to a man’s pride (again a territorial instinct).
Men have extra-marital affairs, maintain a mistress or visit prostitutes. Women who are wives and mothers, are in direct competition with these sexual women who divert their men’s earnings away from the family. Men dislike promiscuous women because a man hopes his lovemaking skills differentiate him from other men. A man feels appreciated when he is the only lover a woman has, rather than being one of many she is servicing.
Men are accused of sexually abusing women, assaulting women, raping them and even murdering them. But in fantasy land, women have orgasms galore all the time from the stimulation that men are motivated to provide. If women were as willing and as adventurous as the fantasy implies, men would have no reason to harm a source of sexual pleasure. Men abuse prostitutes because of their resentment towards women who withhold sex.
One would think that heterosexual men have more reason than gay men to protect and love women. Strangely, only heterosexual men attack and abuse women. The missing factor is the penetrative sex that heterosexual men need from women. Some men are much more inclined to violence than others. Most men simply find another partner or sexual outlet.
In species where there is a struggle before the female submits to coitus, the male must be physically dominant and capable of controlling the female. In the ultimate act it is the male which more often mounts in back of the female and makes the active pelvic thrusts which effect intromission. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)