In a society where men and women raise families together, intercourse is presented as a lovemaking act. But by looking at Nature we can see that mating is an act of male assault. By depositing his sperm in a woman’s body, a man potentially forces her to bear his progeny. A woman responds to rape with loud vocal and strenuous physical objections, which involves most adrenaline (and so is most exciting) for a man. Consensual intercourse is an artificial scenario where a woman lets a man potentially impregnate her.
In consensual intercourse, the natural turn-ons of a resisting partner are absent. A woman feels no erotic arousal and little physical sensation. But if she lies inert during intercourse, a man feels unappreciated. Men put pressure on women to provide a simulated response to intercourse. A woman may feel obliged to provide the body movements and noises that make intercourse erotically rewarding for a man. A man interprets this cooperation with intercourse as a sign of female arousal. But this is clearly a conscious behaviour that is used by some women when they choose to.
Intercourse begins with a man’s arousal because it relies on a man having an erection. Intercourse comes to an end with male orgasm and ejaculation because a man loses his erection. This is why male performance (the ability to become aroused and orgasm) is critical to heterosexual activity. Female performance has come to refer to women’s skill at providing male turn-ons.
Men are inclined to portray sex as a male conquest. The woman’s role is belittled. Hence why sex is often demeaning for women. We can see from Nature that the mating act is a territorial act of male dominance that subjugates the female. For men, intercourse is foremost an erotic act, not necessarily a loving act. In our society men are shamed for being dominant (violent and bullying) and women are shamed for being submissive (timid and modest). Yet these natures lie at the very heart of human reproduction.
Some men approach sex with an egotistical attitude as if a woman represents nothing more than a territorial conquest for them before they move on to the next. The implication of male sexual bravado is that women are just helpless victims. Men tend to condone male infidelity but not a woman who cheats. They assume a woman has no sexual agenda of her own. Some women enjoy the ego of a man desiring them even as a one-off occasion.
Men boast about sexual conquests as if women are objects rather than people with minds and choices. They laugh at women’s embarrassment or anger at being treated in this way. This male behaviour causes women to conclude that sex is an experience that men gain from at women’s expense. This is why women often demand respect. Men talk about “giving her one” as if it’s a form of punishment. The word bitch is used for female animals but when a man says to another man “You can be my bitch” he is reflecting the attitude of the dominant and penetrating male. Women are sullied or violated by intercourse whereas men have proven themselves by winning something. These attitudes reflect a man’s assessment of his own physical superiority and his dominance over women in all the ways that are important to him. Of course, he has no respect for the qualities that women have but men lack.
Bravado is a way of covering up embarrassment. Adults use euphemisms to avoid being explicit. We don’t say a man impregnates a woman. We say a woman gets herself pregnant. The proactive male role is never explicitly referred to in everyday conversation. The result is that children grow up with no idea where babies come from. Men’s sexual references offend women, who prefer to avoid all direct references to intercourse. Movies use sound effects to imply off-screen sexual activity: a regular thumping (of a bed against a wall) and a woman moaning. Men laugh but women are embarrassed.
There are many slang terms for intercourse, which are sexually explicit. Men talk about fucking, humping and banging which describe so succinctly the male urge to thrust into a vagina until ejaculation. Women are the people being humped or banged. Such terms offend women because they emphasise women’s role in providing an orifice to be penetrated. Shagging and screwing are used as more mutual terms, implying that a woman may be participating more proactively by assisting with penile stimulation. In an attempt at equality, women have recently starting using ‘fuck’ to refer to the proactive female role of assisting with male arousal and penile stimulation.
Men are often aggressive and disrespectful towards women. So sex is essentially women’s only bargaining advantage. A woman sees sex primarily as a gift that she confers on a man as a sign of her approval. A woman uses sex, to some degree, to control a man. If he is admiring and amenable to her wishes, she offers him the sex he wants. If he is not, she withholds sex. This behaviour naturally tends to anger men and causes them to feel controlled.
One would think that heterosexual men would want to protect and love women. Yet men abuse women, assault them, rape them and even kill them. Strangely, only heterosexual men attack women. Men abuse prostitutes because of their resentment of women in their lives who withhold sex. If women were as willing as the fantasy implies, men would have no reason to harm a source of sexual pleasure. Some men are much more inclined to violence than others. Most men simply find another partner or sexual outlet.
In species where there is a struggle before the female submits to coitus, the male must be physically dominant and capable of controlling the female. In the ultimate act it is the male which more often mounts in back of the female and makes the active pelvic thrusts which effect intromission. (Alfred Kinsey)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)