We can only have a sex drive to engage in activity that we can control. A person must be capable of acting on a drive and obtaining what they need to satisfy it. Women cannot force a man to stimulate them vaginally. A woman may be able to arouse a man so that he wants to have intercourse with her. She cannot initiate intercourse because it requires a male erection.
Only an erectile sex organ (a phallus) gives rise to a sex drive. A man has a drive to ejaculate into a vagina. But a woman doesn’t experience a drive for a man to ejaculate into her vagina. A sexual urge comes from our own bodies. Although women have the remains of a phallus, it is not capable of penetration. The clitoris is never erect. There is no physiological stimulus that motivates a woman to engage in sexual activity of any kind. A man admires a woman’s buttocks because of his desire for penetration. But a woman never experiences an urge that focuses on a man’s pelvic region.
No one has a drive to be penetrated by a penis or any other object. For example, a person’s mouth or anus cannot have a drive to be penetrated by a penis. Neither is there an attractive force emanating from a vagina that is directed towards a dildo or penis. The only attractive force is from the erect penis (the mind of an aroused man) towards a vagina as a repository for his semen. Mental arousal causes blood to flow to the genitals and once he has an erection a man is typically motivated to penetrate another person.
Neither can we have a biological drive for someone else to do something to us. If women had a drive to be penetrated by an erect penis, we would see them running around eager to impale themselves on the first erect penis they saw. Women don’t do this. Instead, they are inclined to run in the opposite direction if they see an erect penis. Intercourse with an unknown lover involves the risk of pregnancy and little pleasure for women.
The sensations of being penetrated do not cause orgasm. Neither does being the recipient of a man’s ejaculate equate to the pleasures of being a penetrator. Heterosexual men (unlike gay men) never have to reciprocate by offering to be a receiver. Gay men accept anal penetration in much the same way that a woman accepts vaginal penetration. There is a satisfaction in providing a lover with the pleasure of penetration as well as the emotional reward of feeling desired. Stimulation of the prostate gland can cause ejaculation but orgasm is achieved foremost by massaging the erectile organ.
Men experience a strong biological drive to engage in intercourse with a degree of urgency that cannot be ignored. This is why men pay for sex, why women are abducted and sold as sex slaves and why women are raped. The suggestion that the contraceptive pill increases women’s enthusiasm for sex is evidence that men and women are different. Men have a sex drive regardless of whether reliable contraception is available. The survival of the human race has depended on the persistency of male sex drive. The timidity of most young women is incompatible with having a sex drive.
Men engage in intercourse to release the sexual frustration that arises as a result of their regular arousal. It is unthinkable that a man would engage in sexual activity and walk away unsatisfied. His arousal ensures his orgasm. Women never reach a state where orgasm becomes inevitable (even alone). Women be frustrated because of the unrealistic expectations that have been set for female orgasm with a lover. But they never suffer sexual frustration. Women’s ability to orgasm accumulates (over weeks) but it never results in any sense of urgency to engage in sexual activity or to obtain sexual release.
Women find men’s erotic turn-ons and genital responses both crude and offensive, so men cover up their regular arousal, to avoid offending women. A woman may be emotionally amenable to offering intercourse to a lover who provides her with affectionate companionship and support. Passive acquiescence is such an accepted female behaviour that no one ever questions why only men are proactive about offering sexual admiration and genital stimulation for a lover. Typically women do neither of these things.
As an internal reproductive organ (part of the birth canal) the vagina has very little sensitivity. Unlike the penis, a woman is unaware of her vagina. The vagina is only ever stimulated when a man thrusts into it. An activity that relies on male motivation does not equate to a woman having a sex drive or even a motivation to orgasm. Orgasm arises as a result of a person being motivated (by their arousal) to take conscious actions to achieve it.
Many men travel away from home for extensive periods even when they have families. They never give a thought to their partner’s sexual needs in their absence. In fact, women’s needs are for affection and companionship, which they often obtain from others. Research indicates that single women do not nearly as promiscuous as men. The vast majority of men engage in sexual activity, even if only masturbation, on a regular basis from adolescence to old age. Many women live happily without being sexually stimulated for weeks, months and even years. Most women do not masturbate so their genitals are only ever stimulated by a male partner.
When I hear sexperts on TV give advice about how to help women with their “dysfunctional sex drives” I get suspicious that we’re all feeding into the convenient male fantasy of the sexually voracious woman. (Joan Sewell 2010)