Men experience a strong biological drive to engage in intercourse with a degree of urgency that cannot be ignored. This is why men pay for sex, why women are abducted and sold as sex slaves and why women are raped. The suggestion that the contraceptive pill increases women’s enthusiasm for sex is evidence that men and women are different. Men have a sex drive regardless of whether reliable contraception is available. The survival of the human race has depended on the persistency of men’s need for intercourse. The timidity of most young women is incompatible with having a sex drive.
Even though men always initiate and drive sexual activity, they still convince themselves that women want sex. If we want something badly enough, we can convince ourselves of anything. Women are blamed for encouraging male sexual advances because women’s bodies provide a pleasure that men want, desperately sometimes. It’s difficult for women to understand because there’s nothing they need that badly. We all need air to breath, water and food but these things don’t depend on another person’s cooperation.
Women’s dislike of eroticism means men learn to keep their responses to themselves. Men’s inability to articulate their sexual needs contributes to the confusion over female sexuality. Women can claim to have a sex drive because men never explain what a sex drive feels like. Men also never explain the consequences of having a sex drive. So women have the impression a sex drive is simply a nice feeling. A drive involves both positive and negative emotions. It is also very difficult to ignore. This is the biological imperative. It is triggered by physical proximity or virtual images of an attractive potential partner. Negative feelings arise from sexual frustration when there is no prospect to satisfy the need by engaging in penetrative sex.
In society, men are obliged to contain their sexual urges. But when law and order disappear, some men are willing to take their pleasure by force. This is called sexual assault and rape. But women cannot force men to provide intercourse. This is evidence that women do not have the same sexual needs men have. No one can evolve a need that they cannot satisfy reliably. We only have a sex drive to engage in activity that we can control. A person must be capable of acting on a drive and obtaining what they need to satisfy it. The idea that women need a loving partner to enjoy sex, indicates that women look for emotional rather than erotic rewards. Some men like to imagine that women obtain gratification from sex because it helps with their arousal.
An activity that relies on entirely on male motivation (in the first place) does not equate to a woman having a sex drive. The only attractive force is from the mind of an aroused man towards a vagina as a repository for his semen. A man’s mental arousal causes increases blood to flow to his penis. Once he has an erection, a man is typically motivated to penetrate another person. A man is highly conscious of his penis because of the acute sensations of having an erection. The clitoris is never erect, which explains why most women have no interest in the clitoris. Female arousal is largely subconscious. The vagina is only ever stimulated when a man thrusts into it. A man admires a woman’s buttocks because of his desire to penetrate her body (the vagina). But a woman never experiences an urge (or sexual arousal) that causes her to focus on a man’s pelvic region. There is no strong physiological stimulus that motivates a woman to engage in sexual activity of any kind even alone.
No one can have a drive to be penetrated by a penis or any other object. Neither can we have a biological drive for someone else to do something to us. A heterosexual man has a drive to ejaculate into a woman’s vagina. But a woman cannot have a biological drive for a man to ejaculate into her vagina. If women had a drive to be penetrated by an erect penis, we would see them running around eager to impale themselves on the first erect penis they saw. Women don’t do this. Instead, they are inclined to run in the opposite direction if they see an erect penis. Intercourse with an unknown lover not only involves a risk of pregnancy but also brings no emotional rewards.
It has become fashionable to claim that women have a sex drive, which leads to the misconception that women experience the same biological need to engage in intercourse that men do. But women have only recently been able to move about society relatively freely because of the modern laws that protect them against sexual assault. This freedom of movement is a right for any woman living in a civilised society. But that does not mean that she has the right to roam about half-dressed without ever encountering difficulty.
A woman can enjoy vaginal intercourse but this enjoyment arises from the emotional reward of feeling desired and appreciated for providing a lover with the pleasures of penetration. This is why women vehemently object to the same stimulation with a stranger. The sensations of being penetrated and receiving a man’s ejaculate do not cause orgasm. Gay men may offer a lover an opportunity for anal penetration. Stimulation of the prostate gland can cause ejaculation but orgasm usually relies on massaging the erectile organ.
Many men travel away from home for extensive periods. They never give a thought to their partner’s needs in their absence. Women’s needs are for affection and companionship, which they obtain from others. Most women are happy to look after their children. But if the wider relationship with their partner has broken down (emotional intimacy has been lost) some women may look for another lover to obtain the emotional rewards of feeling loved.
When I hear sexperts on TV give advice about how to help women with their “dysfunctional sex drives” I get suspicious that we’re all feeding into the convenient male fantasy of the sexually voracious woman. (Joan Sewell 2010)