A sexual urge comes from our own bodies. Only an erectile sex organ (a phallus) can cause a person to have a drive to penetrate. Although women have the remains of a phallus, it is not capable of penetrating another person. Neither is the clitoris ever erect and sensitised as the penis is. So women do not experience a drive to penetrate. There is no physiological stimulus that motivates a woman to engage in sexual activity of any kind. A man admires a woman’s backside because of his desire for penetration. But a woman never experiences an urge that focuses on a man’s pelvic region.
One person’s sex drive cannot cause a physiological response in another person. A man’s drive cannot cause a woman to have a complementary response. Neither can we have a biological drive for someone else to do something to us. If women had a drive to be penetrated by an erect penis, we would see them running around eager to impale themselves on the first erect penis they saw. Women don’t do this. Instead, they are inclined to run in the opposite direction if they see an erect penis. Intercourse involves the risk of pregnancy and little pleasure for women with an unknown lover.
No one can have a drive to be penetrated by a penis or any other object. For example, a person’s mouth or anus cannot have a drive to be penetrated by a penis. Neither is there an attractive force that emanates from a vagina and is directed towards a dildo or penis. The only attractive force is from the erect penis (the mind of the aroused man) towards a vagina as a repository for his semen. Mental arousal causes blood to flow to the genitals and motivates a man to penetrate another person. Responsive women experience tumescence but no woman can impregnate another person.
A homosexual man accepts anal penetration in much the same way that a woman accepts vaginal penetration. There is a satisfaction in providing a lover with the pleasure of penetration as well as the reward of feeling appreciated and desired. Anal intercourse provides men with the additional pleasure of stimulation of the prostate gland that women do not have.
We can only have a sex drive for an activity that we can control. A person must be capable of acting on a drive and obtaining what they need to satisfy it. Women cannot force a man to stimulate them vaginally. A woman may be able to arouse a man so that he wants to have intercourse with her. But a woman cannot initiate intercourse because it relies on male responses.
Some female experts suggest that a woman can ask a man to give her a massage instead of intercourse. Or they suggest that a woman can end intercourse when she tires of it. Women are pressured into sex (or raped) by men because they don’t understand the strength of male sex drive. A drive is an overwhelming urge to achieve penetration without any concern for others or the consequences. A drive comes with a degree of urgency that cannot be ignored. Women’s ignorance about how a man experiences sex drive on seeing a woman’s body, contributes to successful reproduction.
A sex drive involves needing to obtain a sexual outlet whatever the challenges or the consequences. This is why men pay for sex, why women are abducted and sold as sex slaves and why women are raped. So the suggestion that the pill might increase women’s enthusiasm for sex is evidence that men and women are different. Men have a sex drive regardless of whether reliable contraception is available. The survival of the human race has depended on the persistency of male sex drive. The timidity of most young women is incompatible with having a sex drive.
Men engage in intercourse to release the sexual frustration that arises as a result of their regular arousal. It is unthinkable that a man would engage in sexual activity and walk away unsatisfied. His arousal ensures his orgasm. Women never reach a state where orgasm becomes inevitable (even alone). Women be frustrated because of the unrealistic expectations that have been set for female orgasm with a lover. But they never suffer sexual frustration. Women do not experience arousal in the way that men do. Their ability to experience orgasm accumulates (over weeks) but it never results in any sense of urgency to engage in sexual activity or to obtain sexual release.
Although many men travel away from home for extensive periods even when they have families, they never give a thought to their partner’s needs in their absence. In fact, women’s needs are for affection and companionship, which they often obtain from others. If women had a sex drive, then they would be the ones putting obstacles in the way of men’s freedom of movement. This has never happened in all our social history.
Women enjoy enhancing their looks and dressing provocatively to attract male admiration. Women can also easily claim to orgasm. But when asked about sex, women’s behaviour is incompatible with enjoying sexual pleasure. Women refuse to answer, they are embarrassed or even angry that anyone would ask such personal questions. Research indicates that single women do not nearly as promiscuous as men. It is quite usual for women to go months or years without engaging in sexual activity of any kind.
When I hear sexperts on TV give advice about how to help women with their “dysfunctional sex drives” I get suspicious that we’re all feeding into the convenient male fantasy of the sexually voracious woman. (Joan Sewell 2010)