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Sex drive: a need to ejaculate through intercourse

There are many triggers that cause male arousal throughout the day. This constant rearousal causes intense frustration if a man has no opportunity to release sexual tension by ejaculating through intercourse. Penetrative sex completes a man’s arousal cycle (from erection to ejaculation) in a way that maximises the sexual satisfaction a man obtains. Once a man has experienced intercourse, sexual frustration tends to be felt more acutely.

For someone to have a sex drive there must be a trigger that generates an urge to engage in intercourse. Sex is natural for a man because the urge to engage in intercourse comes from his own body. Male sex drive arises from the build-up of sexual tension (through regular and significant arousal). Men may be able to relieve that tension to a degree through masturbation. But ultimately intercourse provides the most satisfying way for men to release their sexual emotions. This is a natural consequence of our reproductive biology. There’s no point in men having erections unless they are also motivated to impregnate women. Although he may be responding to an instinctive urge, a man’s mind focuses on the pleasure of penetration.

A man is incentivised to engage in intercourse by:

  • his erection (his arousal is triggered by the presence of a partner);
  • his desire to enjoy the erotic pleasure of penetrating and thrusting into another person’s body; and
  • his territorial instinct to deposit semen within another person’s orifice (primarily a vagina).

Women cannot have the same urge by definition. They do not have an erect organ to penetrate with. The clitoris is only ever tumescent (rather than rigid) and is largely an internal organ. So women never experience an urge to penetrate another person’s body with an aroused sex organ. Nor are they aroused by such opportunities. So women have no comparable experience.

Some women do experience a residual thrusting instinct. When little girls masturbate, they lie face down with their hands between their legs and thrust with their hips. This is the instinctive mammalian thrusting action that we see when a male dog humps someone’s leg. But there is a difference. The male dog is responding to a reproductive urge to ejaculate into a female. We can say that his behaviour is focused. If he had the opportunity, he would engage in the mating act for real. A girl can never have this opportunity. A girl’s behaviour is a subconscious reflex that is a hangover from how our anatomy evolved. Her behaviour is unfocused. She cannot penetrate anyone so she can never be the penetrator in the mating act. Little girls do not orgasm because female orgasm relies on using adult fantasies.

Women need to understand that male sex drive is an urgent sexual need. And men need to understand that for women it isn’t. Understanding that women don’t have a sex drive is valuable for men. Men can free themselves from feeling inadequate about their inability to arouse a woman. Women are naturally emotional rather than sexual. No matter how hard a man tries he is never going to please her sexually in the way that she can please him.

For successful reproduction:

  • A man has a sex organ capable of penetration.
  • Most men must be motivated to penetrate a woman’s body.
  • Men need to be attracted primarily to fertile women.

The suggestion that a woman can ask a man for a massage instead of intercourse or that a woman can end intercourse when she tires of it are evidence of women’s ignorance over male sex drive. Women are pressured into sex (or raped) because they don’t understand the strength of men’s sex drive. Male sex drive is a biological instinct not based on logical thinking. A drive is an irrepressible urge to achieve penetration regardless of the challenges or consequences and with no concern for others. To women this seems immoral because they have no comparable experience. A man’s sexuality is selfish because of his need for sexual release. This is how males have evolved. Men’s enjoyment of erotic stimuli defines their quality of life.

If women had a sex drive then they would also suffer all the difficulties and discrimination that men do. They would be persecuted for acting on their sexual instincts. We would see women charged with sexual assault and sexual abuse in the same numbers as men. We would see women heckling men in the street and hassling a partner continuously for penetrative sex. Women think that a sex drive is just about saying that sex is wonderful. Men don’t contradict this belief promoted by some women (those who are selling sex or enjoying the attention they get) because men like to support any evidence that might indicate women are just as sexually willing as men are.

The fact is – and it’s a big one – across every culture and every eon it’s been shown in myriad ways that women are far less sexually driven than men. (Joan Sewell 2010)