There is no point in stimulating an unaroused sex organ. Anyone intent on achieving orgasm, must first obtain the necessary mental arousal. A person sets out with the goal of achieving orgasm. They know (from experience) how they get turned-on. The trigger for orgasm arises in the brain. To achieve orgasm, we must shut out other concerns and distractions to focus on erotic stimuli. The stimulation that causes orgasm, involves massaging the sex organ. The arousal process causes blood to flow into the genitals.
Turn-ons are personal to the individual. Only the individual can determine what explicit aspects of sexual activity are arousing for them. Only we can generate the mental focus we need to achieve orgasm. This psychological arousal, when combined with massaging the blood-flow within the erectile organ (penis or clitoris), can result in a release sexual tension (orgasm).
A man knows what turns him on because male arousal occurs regularly. Men are aroused in similar way regardless of orientation. For young men, arousal is biological (automatic). Men are aroused by many stimuli. Men are aroused by sexual opportunities, by nudity and specifically genitals. Men’s minds are easily focused on sexual thoughts when engaging in sexual activity with a lover. Men primarily seek to be the penetrator. A man can be aroused by knowing that a lover is willing to being penetrated.
A man is motivated to stimulate his penis from the start of sexual activity because he is already aroused. Having an erection is his motivation for engaging in sex. In order to ejaculate a man must focus his mind on specific (personal to him) and explicit (involving the genitals) aspects of eroticism. Men’s minds must be focused on explicitly erotic thoughts. They cannot achieve orgasm while holding a non-sexual conversation for example. Men also need continuous penile stimulation until orgasm is achieved.
Male turn-ons are relative to the society we live in. Years ago when women covered their bodies, men were aroused by the sight of a woman’s ankle. Likewise, porn actresses are not truly aroused or having an orgasm when they make all that noise. The idea of female arousal is suggestive and so men may be turned on by the idea that this noise signifies female arousal.
Anyone who masturbates at almost any age (except for some very young boys) needs to use fantasy for arousal. Turn-ons are erotic concepts or images that cause us to become interested in engaging in sexual activity. We enjoy the sensations of arousal that result from exploring our fantasies. Sex involves our enjoyment of our psychological arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (men use images women use scenarios).
Given their much lower responsiveness, women have to work much harder than men do to achieve the mental arousal needed for orgasm. A woman is not aroused as a man is by real-world stimuli. A woman needs to generate arousal from zero. They do this by using much higher levels of concentration to focus on surreal fantasies when alone. A woman has to make a much more conscious effort to become aroused as her ability to respond to eroticism is buried deep within her subconscious.
A woman needs to put herself in the position of the male in penetrative sex, which takes considerable mental concentration. A woman needs considerable mental concentration to focus on the explicit aspects of sex that arouse her. These sexual fantasies quite different to the romantic scenarios most women are talking about when referring to fantasies.
Why can men not explain what erotic turn-ons arouse their lovers? Women talk about orgasm in vague and emotional terms. They never refer to sexual pleasure as men do. Neither can women explain the erotic turn-ons that might cause their arousal with a lover. Many women are shocked by the idea of sexual fantasies and embarrassed by explicit sexual phenomena.
Orgasm, when it is our objective, defines the end of the activity that was focused on achieving it. Stimulation stops for a variety of reasons. Firstly, the point of stimulation is to achieve orgasm. Job done. The sexual tension has been released. Secondly, orgasm coincides with the sense of release and the end of our ability to be aroused by a particular fantasy. The fantasy we have been playing out in our mind has reached its conclusion. Thirdly, our sex organ can no longer be aroused by the same stimulation, which may even be uncomfortable. The blood has flowed away from the genitals.
The male is aroused because he has been conditioned by his previous experience, as most females have not. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)