For men, penetrative sex is more rewarding than masturbation alone. So it’s difficult for men to accept that the experience of a responsive woman is the reverse. Men assume that the act of penetration is core to becoming sexually aroused. They fail to appreciate that intercourse is only arousing from the male perspective. Intercourse is a mating act that has a social context for a woman. It is not an erotic act. There is no taboo, suspense or sexual tension.
Men’s drive to penetrate inherently involves another person. But women do not have this hormonal drive that men have. So women have not evolved the ability to be aroused by a man’s body because their orgasm does not contribute to the reproductive process. There is no reason why female orgasm should occur during sexual activity with a lover. The circumstances in which women orgasm are much more limited than they are for men. But women are more self-sufficient than men because they do not need a lover.
Women are used to engaging in sexual activity with a lover without ever experiencing orgasm. It’s simply not possible. A woman isn’t even aroused with a lover. But equally a woman does not experience arousal even when alone as a man does. A man’s arousal is very evident from his erection. But also his mind is highly focused on eroticism. He can orgasm fairly easily just by applying the correct manual stimulation. When women stimulate themselves without mental arousal, they are also never achieving arousal or orgasm. Men may think this very strange behaviour indeed. But in fact men do the exact same thing. Men stimulate a female lover in random ways and then assume that she had an orgasm. Women are just doing the same thing.
A woman must be single to discover orgasm. While she is a virgin, a woman can imagine what she might enjoy with a lover. Once a woman has a relationship with a man, his need for intercourse dominates. This is how Nature intends it to be. Female orgasm is merely a private pleasure for a woman to enjoy alone. Sexual activity is intended to focus on male orgasm.
Because of the male experience, it is incorrectly assumed that women should orgasm more easily with a lover than when alone. Masturbation provides women with an opportunity to enjoy arousal and orgasm without the life-threatening risks involved in intercourse (pregnancy and childbirth).
Heterosexuals had never heard of the clitoris until it was publicised by Kinsey and Hite. But their work was rejected by society. Even today the clitoris is associated with lesbian lovemaking. We can conclude that clitoral stimulation does not cause female orgasm with a lover. Presumably women do not masturbate themselves either during sex or alone. Otherwise women would tell men how they achieve arousal and orgasm. Unless that is, we are suggesting that women are just too timid to discuss such things with a lover.
When a man reaches down between his legs, there’s something to grab onto. When a woman does the same there’s nothing. Well maybe a blip. That’s all she has to work with. It’s amazing that she manages anything.
A woman does not orgasm spontaneously. A woman is never aroused in the way that men often are. The use of fantasy is essential for a woman to generate psychological arousal. Orgasm is achieved by consciously focusing on an erotic fantasy. Rather than being fully conscious, a woman is almost in a semi-conscious dream state. If she is interrupted, then the chance of orgasm is lost. If a woman cannot come up with a suitable fantasy, she can stimulate her clitoris as much as she likes but nothing will happen.
A woman cannot obtain the stimulation she needs for orgasm except by lying on her front and pushing down on her vulva, simultaneously clenching her buttocks. This is impossible to achieve while engaging in any form of sexual activity with a lover. More importantly a woman is unaroused with a lover and unable to obtain the mental focus on fantasy required for orgasm.
To achieve orgasm a woman needs to concentrate and focus on eroticism much more than a man ever does. Men are much more easily and naturally aroused especially with a lover. Women’s use of fantasy does not work with a lover, so they cannot orgasm with a lover regardless of who provides the stimulation. This is why a woman has no incentive to stimulate herself with a lover. The sociable nature of sexual activity with a lover prevents a woman generating her own arousal. Women’s use of fantasy is like meditation and a total mental block-out is incompatible with lovemaking. A woman needs to be alone to experience orgasm, in an environment devoid of distractions.
A woman cannot stimulate herself to orgasm with a lover because of the impossibility of becoming aroused when someone else is present. This is how women’s sexual psychology works. Women’s fantasies involve fictional men. As soon as a woman imagines a man she knows, the realities of how she sees him as a social (rather than an erotic) person take over. Women’s sexual psychology does not involve visualising everyday opportunities for intercourse. A woman’s erotic fantasies involve putting herself psychologically in the position of the male penetrator, which is incompatible with the reality of sexual situations where she is a receiver of intercourse.
Another important reason why women fake their orgasm is the fear of upsetting their partner. Many men anxiously insist that the woman must have satisfaction. (Rachel Swift 1993)