We are all living longer due to improved health and life-styles. So ‘til death do us part’ is much longer than it used to be centuries ago. Some couples like the idea that they are not bound solely to each other for decades. For most couples this is not an option and adultery is a guilty secret. Divulging infidelities can be unwise. Many people demand an instant divorce.
Women want stability but men want their freedom. These two aims may conflict. Men enjoy casual sex for the opportunity to experience first-hand the variation in the genital anatomy and sexual behaviours of a new partner. Some men appreciate a variety of lovers much more than others. If a man’s sex life is not meeting his expectations, he may want a more attractive partner or more adventurous pleasuring than his wife is willing to provide.
Men experience many more sexual temptations than a woman ever does. Women tend to take male sexual loyalty for granted without appreciating the struggle men face to avoid temptation (even though many of these temptations do not represent true sexual opportunities). Some men want the opportunity to explore sex with different partners. They feel that having one lover severely limits their sexual freedom, which they see as a right. As men age, they may appreciate the stability of a longer-term relationship.
Since intercourse is the default heterosexual activity, it requires no communication. The novelty of casual sex means that a man is highly aroused and wants to have intercourse as soon as possible. He does not want to ejaculate too soon. There is little foreplay, which needs more time for trust and communication to develop. Casual sex focuses on intercourse, which satisfies a man’s basic sexual needs and is quickly over for a woman.
In fictional media we see sexually confident woman who expect a man to deliver their sexual satisfaction. This presumed sexual assertiveness on the part of the modern feminist is just a political stance. Men today provide the same they always have, vaginal thrusting until male ejaculation. Women never complain because they don’t know what else to ask for. A woman is initially wary of what a man might do during a sexual encounter. She anticipates a man’s sex drive to explore a woman’s body and initiate intercourse. Equally a woman feels helpless because of her own passivity in approaching sexual activity with no motivation to do anything other than go along with (or to defend herself against) whatever activity a man initiates. Women’s lack of arousal with a lover means that they do not have the focus on achieving their own orgasm that men have. Women cannot tell a lover what stimulation they need for orgasm because they don’t know themselves.
Some young women find it difficult to say no to male advances. They give in to men’s persuasive interest in them but afterwards they have regrets. They resent other women who disapprove of their behaviour. Most women understand how easy it is to arouse a man, who admires them. They also know that this admiration arises because men want intercourse. A woman who provides sex without obtaining anything in return is not respected. This is a key difference between male and female sexuality. Women have different sexual roles including mistress, concubine, hooker, slut and whore. There are no male equivalents because men are responsive. Women are not respected unless they trade sex for love rather than money.
Reliable contraception has no doubt made women more willing to engage in casual sex. Lack of confidence and self-esteem lead some women to experiment with casual sex for a time because they enjoy the novelty of being popular with men. Women have sex for fun, for ego or to obtain a non-sexual reward such as money or love. However, the vast majority of women still prefer to have sex with someone they care about. Men find younger, less experienced women are more easily pressured into having sex. Women gain confidence with increasing age, experience and social status.
Relatively few women are interested in casual sex with multiple partners. Women do not need sex as men do. Neither does a variety of activities or partners have the same interest for women as it does for men. For most women, even the idea of sex is repugnant if there is no emotional attachment. Women’s lack of responsiveness means they have much less to gain from casual sex. Women obtain none of the physical gratification that makes sex so pleasurable for men. Women often feel used through casual sex because they get little (maybe ego) in return for providing male pleasure.
Women focus on the platonic aspects of relationships: companionship, love and affection. A woman is attracted by a man’s mind: his character, his behaviour and his attitude. Women’s emotional rewards do not depend on sex but on feeling that a lover loves them (by demonstrating affection) and cares about them (by demonstrating interest). These aspects depend on knowing and liking a person, which all takes time. Women appreciate the emotional intimacy and the social reassurance of knowing someone well.
Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex’. (Les Parrot 2009)