We are all living longer due to improved health and life-styles. So ‘til death do us part’ is much longer than it used to be centuries ago. Some couples like the idea that they are not bound to another person for decades. But for most couples this is not an option and adultery is a guilty secret. Divulging infidelities can be unwise. Many people demand an instant divorce.
Men experience many more sexual temptations than a woman ever does. Women tend to take male sexual loyalty for granted without appreciating the struggle men face to avoid temptation (even though many of these temptations do not represent true sexual opportunities). Some men want the opportunity to explore sex with different partners. They feel that having one lover severely limits their sexual freedom, which they see as a right. As men age, they may appreciate the stability of a longer-term relationship.
Women’s lack of responsiveness means that they have much less to gain from casual sexual encounters. Given women don’t have a sex drive and they are not aroused by sexual activity, they are much more focused on the non-sexual aspects of relationships: companionship, love and affection. These aspects depend on knowing and liking a person, which all takes time.
A woman is initially wary of what a man might do during a sexual encounter. She anticipates a man’s sex drive to explore a woman’s body and initiate intercourse. Equally a woman feels helpless because of her own passivity in approaching sexual activity with no motivation to do anything other than go along with (or to defend herself against) whatever activity a man initiates.
Some young women find it difficult to say no to male advances. They give in but afterwards have regrets. They resent society (typically women) disapproving of their behaviour. Most women understand how easy it is to arouse a man and to have male admirers. But they also know that this admiration arises because men want sex. A woman who provides sex without obtaining anything in return is not respected.
Women have different sexual roles including mistress, concubine, hooker, slut and whore. There are no male equivalents because men are responsive. This is a key difference between male and female sexuality. But women are not respected unless they offer sex as a trade for love rather than money.
We all want to be loved and to please a lover. Men sexualise women as part of their arousal process. Women indicate their amenability passively by accepting male advances and by not contradicting male fantasies. Women can enjoy being seduced by men but should be aware of the risks involved. Having the facts of their sexuality is critical to women gaining some of the confidence men naturally have to face the world with their heads held high.
A woman is attracted by a man’s mind: his character, his behaviour and his attitude. Women’s emotional drive does not depend on sex itself but on feeling that a lover loves them (by demonstrating affection) and cares about them (by demonstrating interest). For most women, even the idea of sex is repugnant if they feel no emotional attachment to a man. Women obtain none of the physical gratification that makes sex so pleasurable for men.
Lack of confidence and self-esteem lead some women to experiment with casual sex for a time because they enjoy the novelty of being popular with men. Men find younger, less experienced women of a lower social status (either class or race) are more easily pressured into having sex. Women gain confidence with age, experience and when they have social status. When a married man has an affair, his wife is insulted that he has rejected her and chosen another woman. She may refuse to have sex on emotional grounds.
Men enjoy casual sex for the opportunity to experience first-hand the variation in the genital anatomy and behaviours of a new partner. Many fewer women are interested in casual sex with multiple partners. Women are not aroused with a lover as men are. Over the longer-term women typically look for a relationship: companionship, affection and support. Women appreciate the intimacy and reassurance of knowing someone well.
In fictional media we see sexually confident woman who expect a man to deliver their sexual satisfaction. This presumed sexual assertiveness on the part of the modern feminist is just a political stance. Men today provide the same they always have, vaginal thrusting until male ejaculation. Women never complain. Women don’t know what else to ask for. Women’s lack of arousal with a lover means that there is no stimulation that causes orgasm. This explains why women cannot tell a lover what stimulation they need for orgasm. They don’t know themselves. It’s the same the world over.
Since intercourse is the default heterosexual activity, it requires no communication. The novelty of casual sex means that a man is highly aroused and wants to have intercourse as soon as possible. He does not want to ejaculate too soon. There is little foreplay, which needs more time for trust and communication to develop. Casual sex focuses on intercourse, which satisfies a man’s basic sexual needs and is quickly over for a woman.
Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex’. (Les Parrot 2009)