We wear clothes for warmth, for decency, for protection and also for display. The need to differentiate ourselves depends on our personality. Some women use dress as a means of providing a sexual come-on (a form of invitation). Women can display their bodies to the full extent allowed by the definition of decency in the society they live in. So Western women wear low-cut blouses that accentuate their cleavage and push-up bras that make their breasts look bigger. Men don’t display themselves in this way.
Women feel entitled to display their bodies as long as there are no consequences. Many women believe it is an essential part of their femininity to display their figure and their sexual attributes. But how a woman dresses is a behaviour and not a sign of responsiveness. As long as they are protected from male advances, some women enjoy the admiration they get. A woman displays her body either to experiment (out of curiosity), for ego (to impress a man) or just for the fun of it (bravado)! But as soon as women get unwanted males sexual advances, they are angry, disgusted or offended.
We can differentiate between turn-ons and come-ons. A turn-on is a stimulus that may arouse someone. Turn-ons are not always associated with an intention to arouse. Men are easily aroused and they assume women respond similarly. Young men especially confuse turn-ons (such as attractiveness) with come-ons (women’s conscious sexual behaviours).
A come-on is a behaviour that is aimed at causing arousal or A come-on is essentially a sexual invitation. Specifically, a come-on is a behaviour that a woman uses to indicate her willingness to be penetrated. She is explicit about what she says or does so that there is no room for doubt that she is making a sexual invitation. This behaviour is common in pornography. Real women may use the simple mechanism of wearing a negligee as a come-on.
The colours women wear have connotations. Red lipstick or nightwear is attention seeking and daring. Black and lace are associated with women’s provocative nightwear. There are no male equivalents. Other women can be offended by female nudity because of this display for male admiration.
A man’s erection communicates his desire for penetrative sex. A woman doesn’t have any obvious evidence of her arousal so she needs to substitute behaviours. Prostitutes and sexually experienced women provide sexual come-ons which a man interprets (according to male sexual behaviours) as a sign that a woman is aroused and actively seeking vaginal stimulation.
A woman has no biological reason for engaging in sexual activity outside her fertile period. A woman is impregnated because she ovulates. Her reproductive capability relies solely on her ability to attract a mate. Other female mammals raise their young alone. Humans (and primates) are the only animals where men attack and kill women and children. A woman offers sex in order to motivate a man to protect her and her children.
The vast majority of interaction between the sexes, involves a man admiring a woman. Women learn that this male admiration gives them power in their relationships. So women allow men to make all kinds of innuendo that they quietly ignore. In turn a man comes to interpret silence and passivity as possible acceptance. So women have to be extremely rude before most men will accept rejection. This is the insensitivity that comes with male sex drive. A man enjoys fantasies that boost his arousal and promote his sexual ego. Male admiration can cause a woman to feel needed, appreciated and loved.
Women promote orgasm as if it’s a kind of club they can invite their friends to join. We do not choose to be responsive. It’s just the way we are born. Responsiveness has nothing to do with being attractive or amenable. We do not orgasm because we put on a sexy dress, pout our lips or spread our legs. This is confusing for men who assume that women who attract them must also be responsive. Certainly male responsiveness does not work that way.
Confusingly, for men, the women who are shouting loudest about female orgasm are the ones who have no idea how it is achieved. But because they are essentially reflecting male fantasies, their claims are very persuasive. This is very natural. But men need to differentiate between what women say and what they actually do. The real issue for men is whether a woman is enthusiastic about investing in a sexual relationship over the longer term.
Invariably, the message for a woman is that if she is to succeed, she must use her body. That is how she is admired, gets friends and is promoted at work. Women look at other women for a variety of reasons. Firstly, they look out of curiosity to judge the attractiveness of their own body relative to others. Secondly women want to learn from other women’s successful behaviours. Lastly women want to reassure themselves of their attractiveness so they can feel better about themselves. Unresponsive women are reassured by believing that they respond as men want them to.
Much of this interest in rare or non-existent forms of sexual performance may represent the male’s wishful thinking, a projection of his own desire to engage in a variety of sexual activities, or his erotic response to the idea that other persons, especially females, may be involved in such activities. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)