Tuesday, May 21, 2019
Home Emotional aspects of sexuality Non-sexual intimacy Intercourse is the heterosexual lovemaking act

Intercourse is the heterosexual lovemaking act

Young people should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes a bad one. There are benefits and risks involved in relationships depending on the degree of sexual intimacy. Before we can formulate our own view without being coerced by undue pressure from others, we need a minimum level of maturity, experience, self-esteem and self-confidence.

An attractive woman has little choice (in a primitive society) about needing to offer sex to men. An unattached female is defenceless against any man who turns aggressive. Her choice is to have many lovers (whoever cometh) or to choose one man to fight the others off. So a woman is better off choosing a man she likes and trusts. It is logical that women choose one man because this means they get the support they need to raise children.

Intercourse has always been implicit within marriage. A man’s sexual needs demonstrate his sexual admiration for a woman. His commitment to the relationship involves taking responsibility for the protection and support of the family. A woman demonstrates her love by providing her husband with the sexual interaction he needs. Most women accept this trade implicitly.

It would be very convenient for all, if men and women had a mutual enthusiasm for sex. But intercourse as a mating act, holds little interest for women (beyond the initial curiosity). Given their lack of arousal with a lover, women do not approach sex, focused on achieving their own orgasm. Neither does a woman have an incentive to be proactive in sexual activity of any kind unless she is motivated to engage on pleasing a lover. Heterosexual men assume that what pleases them must please a woman equally as well.

So heterosexual women simply accept whatever a man offers. This causes endless confusion, when coupled with the belief that women must orgasm through such activity. Men’s proactive role is a natural consequence of their sexual arousal. Men want to enjoy the erotic turn-on of interacting with a lover as well as obtaining sexual release through penetration. Women’s sexual passivity is a result of their lack of arousal. They accept men’s much greater interest in sexual activity and that it is men’s role to stimulate them.

Some animals (notably birds) mate for life. But there is no evidence to indicate that the human male is naturally monogamous. In fact, all the evidence points the other way. So a woman needs to provide an incentive for a man to be loyal. A man is much less likely to go looking for another woman if he has opportunities for regular intercourse with his partner. Most women offer sex because they identify a man as a worthy mate and a supportive companion. A woman hopes that by offering a man short-term pleasure she will obtain his love, respect, and support for her family goals.

When a man and a woman are attracted to each other, intercourse feels very natural. This is no coincidence. Men’s sex drive focuses them on intercourse as an erotic act. A woman experiences intercourse as a lovemaking act of caressing and kissing. The natural mammalian mating position is for the man to enter the woman from behind (the doggy position). But a woman may feel humiliated by this subjugated position. The missionary position (man facing the woman) takes the emphasis off the lower body action. A woman is obviated from the need to make any effort at all. She only needs to wait until the man obtains his release and ejaculates.

Men want a woman to provide some kind of erotic feedback during sex. This is because some men (the more educated) see sex with a lover as a form of mutual exchange. In much the same way, when a woman shares her thoughts and concerns, she hopes that her partner is listening to her. We can call this engagement. A man wants an engaged sexual partner. A woman wants an engaged social partner. A man who takes his camera on a date is like a woman reading a book while engaging in intercourse. We don’t feel appreciated if our partner is not giving us their full attention when we are occupied with activities and communication that are emotionally dear to us.

There are always a few women who imply that they are motivated by sexual pleasure. This makes it even more difficult, than it would be if such behaviours did not exist, for men to understand why a woman would ever object to sex. If his partner is unwilling, a man naturally assumes that she is an exception to the norm. Women who are selling anything connected with sex, including sex therapy and the massive sex service industry all serve to make us feel isolated and alone in our sexual experiences. The research indicates that men are much more interested in sexual opportunities and women correspondingly much less interested. This is normal and natural.

Consent would not be an issue if intercourse caused female orgasm. The proposal is that a man’s behaviour and attitude (loving versus abusive) transforms intercourse from a pleasurable act into a hateful act. The idea that women need a loving partner to enjoy sex, is clear evidence that women look for emotional rather than erotic rewards from sex. But the reality is hard for men to accept because it is not their experience. Equally they badly want to believe that women should naturally want exactly what men themselves want. This issue is key to understanding the concept of consent.

Women’s top 5 turn-ons. 1. Romance 2. Commitment 3. Communications 4. Intimacy 5. Non-sexual touching (Allan & Barbara Pease 1999)