Home Intellectual aspects of sexuality Masturbation We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

We (not a sex toy or lover) cause our own orgasm

For a person to orgasm, they must be motivated to obtain the correct stimulation of the phallus. Even when a sex organ is capable of penetration (as the penis is), it cannot cause a lover’s orgasm. Men want women to orgasm from (be enthusiastic about) intercourse but orgasm occurs because of our own mental arousal. We stimulate our genitals because we are aroused. Men are aroused before they arrive at sexual opportunities. But women are not automatically aroused as men are, so stimulation is useless.

Orgasm is a product of mental arousal and the physical stimulation is almost incidental in the sense that it is trivial. Once a person is aroused the stimulation is instinctively supplied. If women could orgasm, they would masturbate instinctively using their hands, not because they have been sold a gimmick. Men do not use a vibrator to stimulate the penis. It is the wrong kind of stimulation. Yet men do not question women’s use of vibrators.

Vibrators tend to be modelled on dildos (shaped like an erect penis) which were symbols of male potency in the past. This shape is suggestive of eroticism but also confuses women into thinking that they are supposed to stimulate their vaginas as a simulation of intercourse. Undoubtedly, a dildo is most useful to men who want to experience anal penetration. It is difficult to explain how women could respond to stimulation that doesn’t occur naturally. Despite all the publicity, most women never even try a vibrator.

Some women claim to orgasm by stimulating the clitoral glans. The technique of stimulating the clitoral glans appears to mimic male masturbatory techniques. But this is a false analogy. When a man stimulates his penis, he massages the corpora cavernosa within the shaft of the penis. The clitoris also has corpora cavernosa but they are not located in the glans. They are located within the internal clitoral organ. The only way to massage this area is to push down into the spongy tissue either side of the labia.

The marketing of sex toys has been so successful that many people assume every woman owns one. Many women appreciate that they are not aroused so stimulation is pointless. Women buy vibrators because they do not discover orgasm by instinct. It is also a reflection of the political and emotional pressure on women to say that they can orgasm. Ignorance over the role of mental arousal, means that everyone accepts that women’s orgasm difficulties must be due to inadequate stimulation. Perhaps women are reassured by implicitly shifting the blame onto men. Yet this form of stimulation has only been available recently. Orgasm is promoted as a commodity that can be purchased rather than being an instinctive response.

There is no research to prove that anyone can use a vibrator to orgasm. These are simply marketing claims. The sex toy industry never says that their gadgets guarantee anyone an orgasm. Most of the so-called sexual knowledge we accumulate is based on assumptions. There is no research to indicate that women orgasm from intercourse but we all assume they do. One woman boasts about orgasm and we believe her. But millions of other women are silent. We can deduce that vibrators do not increase women’s sexual willingness. Otherwise men would be rushing out to buy them.

Even men do not orgasm simply by pressing a button. For stimulation to be effective, the mind must first focus on explicit eroticism in such a way that psychological arousal is achieved. Few women appreciate that stimulation only works once someone is mentally aroused. Ironically, it is women’s aversion to abstract mental fantasy, that makes a vibrator so attractive. A gadget gives women something to do. But it is also clean and devoid of any dirty associations so many women attribute to sexual activity. A gadget is acceptable because it can be accessorized and comes in different colours.

Responsiveness is a capability that has evolved. That means our ancestors must have had a similar capability. It is not possible for women to evolve a new physiological response overnight. By applying ‘the dog and ball theory’, we can see that a vibrator does not replicate any kind of naturally occurring stimulation. A vibrating gadget replicates neither a thrusting penis nor the kneading, massaging manual stimulation of masturbation.

For most of our history, there has been no substitute for a penis. Women couldn’t just use a random stick because it would be too uncomfortable. If they used something as everyday as a banana (only in hot countries) then one assumes that bananas would be associated with women’s pleasure rather than with fellatio as they are. If a woman wants vaginal stimulation, there are more than enough willing men. Why does she need a substitute?

In the past witch doctors sold ineffective lotions and potions to an ignorant public desperate for a cure. Today the sex industry thrives on people’s embarrassment and ignorance about orgasm. If a woman finds a vibrator does nothing for her, she has no one to tell. The marketing of these gadgets is so universal that it’s difficult for a woman to question their effectiveness.

A rhythmic development of muscular tensions is probably the most important of all the physiologic changes which occur when an animal responds sexually. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)