Some men enjoy sharing their fantasies with anyone they can find who will listen. Many men want to share their fantasies with a lover. Men are aroused by talking about sex. Women are not aroused in the same way. So women do not have the same incentive to talk about sex, either in reality or fantasy.
When women see porn actresses supposedly having orgasms, some of them naturally assume that such performances reflect reality for some women. The idea that they can please men so easily validates them or makes them feel good about themselves. But porn consists of male turn-ons produced by men. It has nothing to do with how a woman achieves orgasm for herself.
Anyone who writes a book or produces a movie can portray women’s sexuality in any way they choose especially if it entertains an audience. These sources of erotic fiction have wide reaching impact on general beliefs because they are presented so convincingly. Men are always going to produce artistic interpretations of female sexuality. But by providing universal sex education we can help an audience apply some common sense in assessing the fantasy and reality components of what they read and watch.
Our portrayal of sex suits those who are looking for emotional reassurance that they can easily please a lover. Women enjoy hearing about orgasm claims that make them more attractive to men. The only reason men care about female orgasm is because they attribute a woman’s orgasm to their own sexual prowess during intercourse. Men interpret female orgasm as women’s acceptance of intercourse. Orgasm is a selfish pleasure we enjoy because we are aroused. It has nothing to do with pleasing a lover, except perhaps for gay men who may be aroused by their lover’s responsiveness.
Men enjoy the pleasures of being the penetrator, including:
- obtaining release from sexual frustration;
- enjoying the pleasures of psychological domination; and
- the territorial pleasures of ejaculating.
Yet the implication is that these pleasures are insignificant when compared with the pleasure women are assumed to obtain from their supposed orgasms with a lover. Female orgasm is presumed to equate to the pleasure of male orgasm plus all these combined pleasures of being a penetrator. How is rape ever supposed to be a problem? No wonder men are confused.
When a man is aroused, he may exude clear liquid (commonly referred to as ‘pre-cum’) from the end of his penis. A man is aroused but this doesn’t mean the two phenomena are connected. Similarly, when a woman masturbates alone vaginal lubrication is produced, even more so as she ages. But the function of vaginal lubrication is to facilitate intercourse (and reproduction). It is not a sign that a woman is necessarily close to orgasm.
Women often describe relationship factors when referring to their arousal. Such feelings to not lead to orgasm. If a woman is to experience orgasm, she must consciously focus her mind on explicitly erotic scenarios. Many women only ever have romantic fantasies. Romantic fantasies include thinking about having intercourse with a real or imagined man but they do not focus on the close-up genital activity of penetrative sex. Most women only ever experience emotional or romantic dreams if they dream of sex.
For a man, sex (i.e. intercourse) equates to orgasm. A man only wants intercourse when he knows (or is reasonably confident) that he will achieve orgasm. This is the difficulty men have in accepting that women engage in intercourse without ever achieving orgasm. For a man it is quite unthinkable that he would not have an orgasm through engaging in penetrative sex.
Orgasm is known to be a response of the human body. Everyone seems happy with the proposal that although men achieve orgasm by stimulating the penis, women are able to orgasm by stimulating various parts of their anatomy, for example the vagina and the clitoris. What does this mean? Does it mean that one woman can orgasm by stimulating her vagina on one occasion and her clitoris on the next? Or does it mean that some women orgasm by stimulating the clitoris and others by stimulating the vagina?
Either way, the implication is that women have evolved two quite different routes to orgasm. There is no rational explanation for how this variable mechanism would have evolved. Given men don’t have a vagina, it is highly unlikely that the vagina could ever have evolved as a sex organ in women alone. The implication is that women evolved a capability that has no reproductive function. This conclusion is neither logical nor scientific.
The position a woman assumes when masturbating to orgasm is different to the positions we see in pornography. Women are shown masturbating by tiddling their vulva while facing the audience because this provides the best display for male observers. Cunnilingus is assumed to provide exquisite pleasure but in fact that there is little sensation for a woman.
The majority of women worldwide do not have orgasms during intercourse: as a matter of fact, female sexual dysfunctions are popular because they are based on something that does not exist, i.e. the vaginal orgasm. (Vincenzo & Giulia Puppo 2014)