HomeBiological aspects of sexualityHuman reproductionWhy men feel inadequate over penis size

Why men feel inadequate over penis size

Men’s sexual role (after impregnating women) is to protect the family. In an aggressive situation a man must be physically large and muscular to intimidate an opponent. In a political situation he must be assertive and competent enough to impress an adversary. A man has more natural authority than a woman has. On the other hand, men are more of a threat.

Variations in nature often have a normal distribution, with most (70%) measurements falling around the average and relatively few measurements falling either side. According to a paper published in the British Journal of Urology International (2015) the average erect penis is 13.12 cm (5 inches). Out of 100 men, only five have a penis longer than 16 cm (6 inches). While only five out of 100 men have a penis smaller than 10 cm (4 inches).

It’s unlikely that statistics relating to penis size are accurate. A man only has an erection when he is aroused, which is a private situation. It is difficult to imagine how anyone could measure erect penises in sufficient numbers to provide reliable statistics that could be extended to the whole population. Any research relying on men’s own measurements would be suspect given the challenges of measurement and men’s desire to exaggerate penis size.

The maximum penis size is likely to be limited by the depth of a woman’s vagina. There would be a reproductive disadvantage to having a penis longer than a woman can accommodate. Many men have a penis that is larger than is needed for reproduction. A penis can be a weapon. The bigger it is the more damage it can do. Rape causes damage to a woman’s internal anatomy and can kill. Consensual intercourse may involve a man using some restraint.

The testicles hang down from the body because sperm production is optimised at 2 degrees lower than body temperature. If the scrotal temperature rises, a man’s fertility may be reduced. When flaccid, the penis is much smaller than its maximum size. In cold temperatures the penis shrivels to nothing. The testicles and penis are retracted into the body for protection. Men prefer to display an erect penis and may be embarrassed to show their flaccid penis. Most men (maybe 70%) have a penis that is small when flaccid but increases in size when erect (a grower). Other men have a penis that increases little in size when erect but is larger than average when flaccid (a shower). These men have an advantage in the changing room.

For men, there is no subject more taboo than penis size. Size is an issue given men’s desire to impress. The first issue is a natural competition of virility between men. A man hopes his erect penis will impress others, particularly a lover. A man’s penis is a token of his masculinity. Men never want to be laughed at and no one is intimidated or impressed by a small penis. Some men have a tiny penis that never becomes fully erect. They can still have a high sex drive. They can enjoy vaginal penetration and thrusting a much as any man. Regardless of size, a man is proud of his erection because of the pleasure it provides. A man’s penis is the core of his sexuality and his masculinity. This contrasts with women’s disinterest in the clitoris.

Women may have a phallus but they do not have erections. Women only witness a man’s erection primarily immediately before having sex. But erections occur at any time, especially in the presence of an attractive woman. Young men often have a bulge in their pants that can be inconvenient and uncomfortable. If women notice, they laugh out of embarrassment. There are no obvious signs of female arousal, which is largely subconscious and therefore works quite differently to male arousal.

Men are quick to assert their superiority over women in every respect. Yet when it comes to sex, men happily accept being outstripped by women. Men assume that women have the same sex drive and feel the same intensity of arousal as men. They don’t think it’s odd that women never complain of sexual frustration. The implication is that the pleasures of penetrating a lover are insignificant when compared with the pleasures of female orgasm. It’s as if having such a magnificent organ, like the penis, counts for nothing.

Men assume because their penis gives them so much pleasure that it must also give a woman an equal pleasure. Unfortunately there is very little erotic pleasure for the receiver of intercourse. The biological precedent for achieving orgasm (among mammals) is based on rhythmic pelvic thrusting. The key pleasure of intercourse is experienced by the penetrating male. A man should treat his lover like someone he wants to make love to and not just a body he thinks he has a right to ejaculate into. A man should work on being attractive to his partner and amenable to providing for her emotional needs. He should think about how he could be less sexually demanding.

Men often ask about penis size. They then go on to assert that they have a large penis. Men assume incorrectly that intercourse is more pleasurable for a woman if a man has a bigger penis. A woman feels little from intercourse regardless of penis size. If women wanted to be penetrated with a large penis, they would use this criterion as a means of choosing a mate. Luckily for many men, women have little interest in the size or other characteristics of a man’s genitals. If a man has a small penis, a woman is probably no more disappointed than a man might be when a woman has tiny breasts. A lover’s anatomy is not the most important aspect of loving someone. Anyone who feels inadequate over their body probably suffers more than their lovers do.

… men come to the sexual experience with only his porno-sex-ed and general socialization – ergo pleasing a woman means: 1) A big penis 2) Lasting a long time during intercourse 3) Making her orgasm. … Instead many women want an emotional connection, intimacy and feeling nurtured. (Trina Read)

Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)