Confusion over the anatomy involved in female orgasm arises on two counts. Firstly women are not aroused with a lover, so they are not focused on obtaining the stimulation they need for orgasm. Men can offer a variety of stimulation that assists with their own arousal. Men’s sex drive ensures that the vagina is always stimulated, which is why everyone assumes the vagina is a sex organ. Secondly because men always masturbate to orgasm, it is assumed that women do too. Confusingly, women stimulate themselves but not necessarily to orgasm. This ignorance is perpetuated in porn. The vagina is assumed to be a sex organ partly because few women masturbate.
Specific anatomy is stimulated to achieve orgasm. This is because mental arousal causes tumescence in the genital region. The female anatomy that men stimulate is inconsistent because it reflects the anatomy that arouses men. If women had orgasms with a lover, then not only would they be able to explain how they achieve orgasm, but also their lovers would know. Both the erotic turn-ons as well as the anatomy involved in female orgasm would be common knowledge. The reason we don’t know how women are aroused is because women themselves do not know. Unless a woman masturbates to orgasm, she has no means of knowing. Even a responsive woman assumes that she should be aroused with a lover, even though she knows that her arousal relies on the use of fantasy during masturbation.
In any survey or even in everyday life there are many women who are happy to acknowledge that they have never had an orgasm. Other women clearly assume that they are supposed to orgasm through intercourse as well as all the supposed orgasm techniques suggested by erotic fiction. But they have no interest in discussing sexual pleasuring techniques or erotic turn-ons.
A person knows when they have had an orgasm. Women’s uncertainty over whether they have had an orgasm is evidence that they have never one. If female orgasm were common, there would be significant numbers of women in the general population able to provide explicit accounts of how they achieve orgasm as a response to erotic stimuli. This is not the case.
There’s no reason why a woman should experience arousal at any time. Few women are responsive, so mothers object to girls being told that the clitoris can be pleasurable to touch. Most women associate the clitoris with lesbians or pornography rather than with their own orgasm. Female orgasm has no useful function so it would be strange if it were common. This is why female orgasm was discovered by researchers rather than being a well-known phenomenon in the population. Few women ever ask about orgasm, which is natural because you cannot miss what you have never known.
The clitoris was hardly heard of before Kinsey and remains unpopular to the present day. This reflects the difficulty most people have in visualising sexual activity that does not involve a penis penetrating a vagina. The biological facts that define the sex education some of us may have had, help to reinforce this definition of orgasm as a phenomenon that can be explained in terms of reproductive biology. Everyone has a phallus, which makes us all potentially capable of orgasm. But intercourse, dominates our view of sexuality, and involves a man inserting his penis into a vagina.
Heterosexual lovemaking relies on a man assuming a proactive role in stimulating a woman. Men enjoy exploring a lover’s body. Homosexual men talk of sweaty smells, nutty taste of semen, glistening glans, trickle of pre-cum, silky skin of the penis and the hairy skin of the testicles. A woman assumes a passive stance with a lover, only perhaps assisting with turn-ons. Rather than exploring a lover’s body, women talk about what a lover is doing to them. Women enjoy a man’s voice, his caressing touch and what they interpret as his passion. These are sensual pleasures not erotic stimuli.
Most women enjoy romance and the emotional aspects of relationships. Many women insist that lovemaking is superior to self-stimulation because they never appreciate that masturbation relies on achieving mental arousal through the use of fantasy. Many women are shocked by the idea of fantasies. It is only a responsive person who appreciates that turn-ons are required for orgasm. Masturbation depends on a woman’s motivation. Few women enjoy fantasies because they lack the responsiveness that causes arousal. Female arousal does not occur naturally. It has to be consciously generated. Few women discover how to achieve orgasm because before a person can orgasm, they must have a minimum level of responsiveness.
There is remarkable little interest in knowing of the explicit details about the orgasms women are supposed to have. Men only want to hear accounts of female orgasm rather than challenge them. Apparently, there are no scientists who want to improve their understanding or lovers who want to improve their techniques. Women are intimidated by the bravado and men are frightened to reveal that their fantasies are just fantasies. Knowing the facts doesn’t change reality. It simply reveals the deceit. The only reason everyone protects the deceit is because they gain some advantage from it.
Considerable psychiatric therapy can be wasted on persons (especially females) who are misjudged to be cases of repression when, in actuality, at least some of them never were equipped to respond erotically. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)