Female mammals are involved in grooming, feeding and affectionate play with their young. Female mammals are always smaller and more nervous than males. This anxiety keeps women at home and close to their children. Women gravitate towards men who can provide protection and lifestyle through earnings or status. Many women consider the tasks of raising children and providing a home the most important achievement of all. Family provides a continuity to the cycle of life and security for old age.
Women have value in society for three main reasons. Firstly, they are valued as a sexual asset by men. Secondly, they are valued as bearers of children. Thirdly they contribute to society by caring for children, the disabled and the elderly. Men rarely do this work, which is undervalued and has little status. Society honours men’s achievements, not because women’s contribution is not valued but, because we rely on men for defence and survival. A woman’s sexuality determines the course of her life much more than a man’s does. A man’s sexuality involves occasional pleasure. Women continue to earn less than men because of their dedication to the family.
Reliable contraception has freed women from the obligation to have children. Yet most women continue to disadvantage themselves in the workplace and make themselves dependent on a man so that they can raise children. This is the symbiotic relationship between men and women that makes human reproduction so successful. Women’s desire for family may not as urgent as male sex drive but it is vital to reproduction. Men assume they have special privileges because they support the family financially. But most men work regardless of any relationship. Women also work and support the family by dedicating their daily lives to others in practical ways.
Given women represent around half of any population, they should have no difficulty in obtaining equal rights with men. But only a minority of women want these rights and they have to fight against other women’s attitudes just as much as against men’s. Political activists insist that women can be just as independent and adventurous as men. Of course, they can. But few want to be. Most women are amazed to see a woman do more than cook, clean and care for a family. Any woman who works alongside men, has to be strong enough to assert herself against a majority of men. Most women are happy to settle for a more traditional role. This is natural. Against this background of timidity, men (and a few women looking for male approval) suggest that every woman is just as adventurous and as motivated by sex as men are.
We all have different personalities. We also have different emotional responses (that make relationships more rewarding) and personal confidence (that motivates us to succeed through our own achievements). In general, men do while women talk. Women think that men single them out for bad behaviour. The truth is that men treat everyone badly. The women’s liberation movement involves women’s attempts to negotiate with men for special treatment. This demand for special privileges only further convinces men of their own superiority. When a woman is providing a man with a sexual outlet, she can insist on this special treatment because she makes it a condition of the relationship. Some men undoubtedly understand this concept much better than others. Many men are quite oblivious to the female perspective and also to any feedback they receive from their partner.
A man has a biological need that makes intercourse hugely attractive to him. A woman does not have the same need. Sexual activity in general is repulsive to her. Initially women offer sex for a loving relationship. But over time as their needs are ignored, they continue to offer sex out of compassion. They recognise their partner’s sexual needs. Ultimately, women have to fall back on their desire to keep the family together, to continue to offer sex to a lover who does nothing to respond to their needs in the wider relationship.
A woman may be able to persuade a man to support her goal of raising a family but she wants to keep control of the family and have the responsibility for ensuring that her children get the best care. Men are happy to let women have this role so that they can focus on their own talents that bring them the emotional reward of social status and personal achievement. A man spends his life with work colleagues and other strangers. He focuses on the goal of making money. Men remain much more independent of the family, taking on travel far from home, more challenging and risky enterprises and are consequently still able to earn more and enjoy the privileges that brings.
Women always define themselves in male terms. Women tend to support men’s endeavours rather than initiating their own. So men call the shots. It is this lack of initiative, their unwillingness to take risk and inability to focus one hundred percent on a selfish goal that disadvantages women. These are the characteristics that make men super-rich entrepreneurs and leaders in society. Of course, a few women do achieve these goals but they are rare.
If women were expected to die in battle, most of them would simply refuse. In this respect women’s self-esteem is higher than men’s. Many men do not appear to put much value on their own life and the quality of it. Many women consider leading and fighting to be male goals that are irrelevant to women’s lives. They positively choose to spend their lives focused on affectionate companionship in the home. Most women prefer sharing their lives with those they love. A woman’s relationships define her idea of quality of life.
A woman doesn’t want sex for the same reasons a man does. A woman enters a new relationship looking for romance and love. Sex comes as a consequence. (Allan & Barbara Pease)
Excerpt from Learn About Sexuality (ISBN 978-0956-894748)