Women have value in society for three main reasons. Firstly, they are valued as a sexual asset by men. Secondly, they are valued as bearers of children. Thirdly they contribute to society by caring for children, the disabled and the elderly. Men rarely do this work, which is undervalued and has little status. A woman’s sexuality determines the course of her life much more than a man’s does. A man’s sexuality involves occasional pleasure. Women continue to earn less than men because of their dedication to the family.
Female mammals are involved in grooming, feeding and affectionate play with their young. Female mammals are always smaller and more nervous than males. This anxiety keeps women at home and close to their children. Women gravitate towards men who can provide protection and lifestyle through earnings or status. Many women consider the tasks of raising children and providing a home the most important achievement of all. Family provides a continuity to the cycle of life and security for old age.
Within marriage is the implicit assumption that a woman offers regular sex in return for a man supporting the family. In the past women were told it was their duty to provide sex. Nowadays women are told they should enjoy sex. If they don’t then it makes no difference. Most women accept that any intimate relationship with a man involves a need to offer regular sex. A woman is aware of her sexual obligations because of attitudes in the society around her. But there are also emotional pressures. A woman knows that if she offers sex a man responds with affection. If she doesn’t, he is angry.
Women may be tempted to think that if men could accept that women are not aroused by sexual activity that men would understand. Women might think that if men understood and accepted this fact that they would not expect women to engage repeatedly in intercourse. But this is fallacious thinking. Men’s sex drive is a biological instinct that cannot be subdued by consideration for others based on logical thinking. Men’s need for sex and enjoyment of eroticism defines their idea of quality of life.
If women want relationships with men, then they have to accept that satisfying a man’s need for intercourse is an integral part of that relationship. Women are initially drawn to men because they are flattered and feel emotional reassurance because of the protection they obtain when a man is interested in their welfare. A man is instinctively motivated to protect a lover as a source of regular intercourse. A man’s sexual admiration may result in a woman feeling reciprocal emotions (love) for him. She is emotionally attracted to having a companionable relationship with him. Over the longer term women’s desire for family also ties them into relationships with men.
We all have different personalities but also different emotional responses (that make relationships more rewarding) and personal confidence (that motivates us to succeed through our own achievements). In general, men do and women talk. A man spends his life with work colleagues and other strangers. He focuses on achieving a goal such as making money. Many women are not motivated to fight and lead as men often do. Not only do they consider these male goals to be irrelevant to women’s lives, they positively prefer spending their lives focused on affectionate companionship in the home. Most women prefer sharing their lives with those they love. A woman’s relationships define her idea of quality of life.
Women value their relationships as an emotional necessity. They hope for a partner who contributes enthusiastically to their intimate time together: sharing a sense of humour, interesting conversation and affection. Most women are attracted to decent men with kind faces and reassuring voices. A woman wants a man to protect her and who is competent enough to support her. She also wants an interesting companion to spend time with.
Marriage comes with its privileges and obligations. A man’s privilege is the opportunity for regular sex. Sex provides a woman with a means of rewarding a man. Women’s reward is caring for those they love. A woman’s privilege is to be able to devote raise children with a man’s support. Women’s desire to have children is not as immediately obvious or as urgent as men’s sex drive but none the less it assists with successful reproduction.
Much of female sexuality has nothing to do with male pleasure. Female sexuality involves women using behaviours to keep men happy so that men will support them in achieving their reproductive goal. Our species has been very successful reproductively largely due to women’s willingness to subjugate themselves both sexually and socially to men so that they obtain the support and protection they need for themselves and their children.
Given a choice a woman finds the romantic scenario much more emotionally rewarding than the erotic. Women focus on romance, love and marriage. Magazines tell a story. Women read about relationships, weddings, domestic skills and family. Men read about work, sport, hobbies and porn. Men and women live in two separate worlds. The sexes complement each other, not in emotional terms but, in reproductive terms.
A woman doesn’t want sex for the same reasons a man does. A woman enters a new relationship looking for romance and love. Sex comes as a consequence. (Allan & Barbara Pease 1999)