Anyone who masturbates needs to use fantasy for arousal. Turn-ons are erotic concepts or images that motivate us to engage in sexual activity. We enjoy the sensations of arousal that result from exploring our fantasies. Sex involves our enjoyment of mental arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (men tend to use graphic images and realistic physical scenarios while responsive women use surreal and unrealistic conceptual scenarios).
There is no point in stimulating an unaroused sex organ. Anyone intent on achieving orgasm, must first obtain the necessary mental arousal. After the first time, we set out with the aim of achieving orgasm. We know from experience how we get turned-on. The trigger for orgasm arises in the brain. To achieve orgasm, we must shut out other concerns and distractions to focus on erotic thoughts. The stimulation that causes orgasm, involves massaging the sex organ. Mental arousal causes blood to flow to the genitals.
Turn-ons are personal to the individual. Only the individual can determine what explicit aspects of sexual activity are arousing for them. Only we can generate the mental focus we need to achieve orgasm. This psychological arousal, when combined with massaging the blood-flow within the erectile organ (penis or clitoris), can result in a release sexual tension (orgasm).
A man is motivated to stimulate his penis from the start of sexual activity because he is already aroused. Having an erection is his motivation for engaging in sex. In order to ejaculate a man must focus his mind on specific (personal to him) and explicit (involving the genitals) aspects of eroticism. Men’s minds must be focused on explicitly erotic thoughts. They cannot achieve orgasm while holding a non-sexual conversation for example. Men also need to have continuous penile stimulation until orgasm is achieved.
A man knows what turns him on because male arousal occurs regularly. Men are aroused in similar ways regardless of orientation. For young men, arousal is biological or automatic. Men are aroused by real-world stimuli. Men are aroused by sexual opportunities, by nudity and specifically genitals. Men’s minds are easily focused on erotic thoughts when engaging in sexual activity with a lover. Men primarily seek to be the penetrator. A man can be aroused simply from the knowledge that a lover is amenable to penetration.
Male turn-ons are relative to the society we live in. Years ago when women covered their bodies, men were aroused by the sight of a woman’s ankle. Likewise, porn actresses are not truly aroused or having an orgasm when they make all that noise. The idea of female arousal is suggestive and so men may be turned on by the idea that this noise signifies female arousal.
Men achieve orgasm through masturbation much more quickly than a woman does. This is because men are aroused at the start of any sexual activity. The clitoris does not respond to stimulation except in specific circumstances. A woman needs to know how to become mentally aroused enough to achieve orgasm. She needs an environment of absolute privacy so that she can achieve arousal by concentrating her mind on her fantasy.
Given their much lower responsiveness, women have to work much harder than men do to achieve the mental arousal needed for orgasm. A woman is not aroused by real-world stimuli (such as male underwear or genitals). A woman has to generate arousal from zero. Even a responsive woman’s ability to respond to eroticism is buried deep within her subconscious. A woman puts herself in the position of the male in penetrative sex, which involves immersing herself in a surreal fantasy. A woman needs considerable mental concentration to focus on the explicitly taboo aspects of sex that arouse her. She does this when alone by using high levels of focus on erotic fantasies. These erotic fantasies are different to the romantic scenarios most women are talking about when referring to sexual fantasies.
Some men (75%) have sex dreams that result in orgasm at some point in their lives. Women rarely have sex dreams but if they do such dreams are romantic scenarios based on the emotional aspects of intercourse. Romantic fantasies are based on real men. Women cannot orgasm when asleep because female arousal (the kind that leads to orgasm) does not arise subconsciously. Female arousal is achieved by a conscious process. The psychological environment of dreams is not intensely focused enough to cause female orgasm. A woman has to push her way towards orgasm at every stage with studied concentration. At no point is female orgasm inevitable except once it is already happening. Women’s dreams do not focus on their erotic fantasies or even on the genital stimulation they need for orgasm.
Orgasm, when it is our objective, defines the end of the activity that was focused on achieving it. Stimulation stops for a variety of reasons. Firstly, the point of stimulation is to achieve orgasm. Job done. The sexual tension has been released. Secondly, orgasm coincides with the sense of release and the end of our ability to be aroused by a particular fantasy. The fantasy we have been playing out in our mind has reached its conclusion. Thirdly, our sex organ can no longer be aroused by the same stimulation, which may even be uncomfortable. The blood has flowed away from the genitals.
The male is aroused because he has been conditioned by his previous experience, as most females have not. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)