Sexuality is about talking, observing or interacting with others in return for payment or other non-relationship rewards. Depending on our personality we may employ a variety of behaviours and attitudes to attract, impress or arouse a potential lover. Sexual contacts are usually a private affair. We are either alone or with one other person. Most people are not comfortable with group sex. This is a question of how we view intimacy but also it is about our enjoyment of displaying our bodies or being observed by others.
How we express our sexuality depends on our personality. We find some situations and people much more attractive than others. Even the most promiscuous of men are not attracted to everyone. Sex is political. We have sex with someone who impresses us or who is above or below us socially. Sex is about the power to arouse, to seduce and to dominate someone.
Sexual pleasure is often linked with immorality because of the associations with the sex industry, where women provide sexual services for male gratification. Men can be tempted away from their wives and families in search of sexual gratification. Both casual sex and prostitution bring an increased chance of catching a sexual disease. The odds of catching a disease go up the more penetrative sex we have with different partners.
When a man has no emotional feelings for a woman, he simply uses her as a sexual outlet. Women are exploited by being led into prostitution or pregnancy by men. Then men vanish without paying for the consequences of their actions. When a woman has no emotional connection with a man, she may offer sex just for money or other rewards (such as dinner). When women use their bodies to attract male attention they feel in control.
All around the world and by every means possible, women sell sex to men. If women obtained the same pleasure as men, they wouldn’t need to be paid. Yet when it comes to providing sex information to young people no one is willing to be honest and admit any difference between the male and female experience. Men protect their sexual interests and women are embarrassed or ashamed of the trade that they are inevitably involved in.
Women naturally dislike prostitutes because they represent a threat, both physical and psychological. Most men are equally unwilling to admit to using a prostitute because of the social shame and the risk of a partner being offended. Men pay for sex (unlike women) because they do not need an emotional connection to enjoy sex. Many men prefer to have it if they can.
Most people feel that it is inappropriate to talk about sexual matters in front of children as well as teenage girls. The embarrassment centres on the fantasies that men weave around female sexuality. In the same way, sex educators typically provide medical and biological facts but carefully avoid talking about sexual pleasure. Women are often offended by references to sexual pleasure because sexual activity tends to focus on male gratification.
Sex is hugely political. Discussions involve opinions (rather than facts) aimed at persuading people to behave in certain ways. Young women are targeted. Pornographic and exploitative images are readily available to everyone regardless of age at the click of a button. These images are often violent, humiliating and degrading to women. They send confusing messages to men on consent, personal boundaries and sexual pleasure. It is dangerous for anyone to immerse themselves constantly in fictional media. They inevitably lose the ability to differentiate between fiction and reality.
There is no problem in promoting sex to men. But when sex is promoted to women, it has to be associated with more romantic or relationship images. For example, ‘Love, sex and intimacy’ fairs attract women because the word ‘sex’ is softened by the more romantic and relationship words. Women are reassured that they will not be exposed to the explicitly erotic turn-ons that men enjoy from sex itself. Men learn that women respond to love rather than sex. So a man never says “I really want to penetrate your vagina with my erect penis and thrust until I ejaculate”. Such a statement is not received positively by women. Women want to hear of platonic admiration, romantic passion and love. So men sing love songs. This is confusing for women because men often equate wanting sex to love.
A man wants intercourse regardless of how a woman feels. So women look for information to help them understand how they could enjoy an act men insist on. This is not about a desire to enjoy sexual pleasure or a need to have an orgasm. This is about women’s role in providing male gratification.
Human sexuality is often presented in terms of a relationship. This allows male and female sexuality to be viewed purely through social liaisons and reproduction. Little importance is placed on the massive sex industry because of the taboo over men paying women for sex. Men have a need for sex that is quite independent of any relationship or emotional feelings. Eroticism is defined by male turn-ons and a woman’s role is to arouse.
The truth is … this (lap-dancing) is a male form of entertainment … for men! (Peter Stringfellow 2012)