Research indicates that there is a huge range in responsiveness (frequency with which we orgasm) for both sexes that defines normal. Even extreme frequencies can be completely normal for the individuals that have them. Research clearly indicates that men are much more responsive than women. Yet orgasm is referred to as if everyone is capable of the same frequency.
Responsiveness refers not only to the frequency with which we orgasm but also with the average time a person needs to reach orgasm. The more responsive a person is, the more frequently they orgasm and the less time they need for orgasm. Men orgasm after an average of 2 minutes of intercourse. Research indicates that women take 4 minutes to masturbate to orgasm. Women suggest they orgasm with a lover within 10-20 minutes.
Orgasm works in a similar way to other physiological responses of the body, such as sneezing. There is a stimulus. We cannot know for sure exactly when, or even if, we will sneeze. We cannot orgasm on demand or make ourselves orgasm. We orgasm because the circumstances are right. Female responsiveness is more noticeably sporadic because of the infrequency.
Like sneezing or coughing, the triggers for orgasm are the same regardless of gender and orientation. After adolescence, a responsive person discovers that when they think about erotic scenarios, blood flows to the sex organ. This physical arousal motivates a responsive person to massage the sex organ and discover orgasm. Clearly, those who object to eroticism have never experienced arousal. Sexual phenomena (such as masturbation or gay sex) hold little interest until we discover that we enjoy them personally.
Alfred Kinsey concluded that female masturbation provided the most convincing example of female orgasm. He also assumed that lesbians experienced orgasm because they tend to focus sexual activity on the clitoris. Kinsey accepted the clitoris as the female sex organ because of the anatomical parallels with the penis. Kinsey found that lesbians and responsive women had orgasms on average around once every 2 to 3 weeks.
By contrast, women who claimed to orgasm from intercourse were not obtaining the correct stimulation (of the clitoris). They reported higher orgasm frequencies but these correlated with their partner’s responsiveness. This anomaly caused Kinsey to question whether they were having orgasms.
Responsiveness does not arise because an individual has some special knowledge or techniques. This is not a conscious choice. So a woman who is unresponsive, cannot learn to masturbate. Responsiveness is a characteristic of the brain we are born with. A responsive person discovers orgasm because the sensations of tumescence (increased blood-flow) motivate them to stimulate their genitals. This process occurs quite spontaneously.
A responsive woman discovers that when her mind is focused on specific aspects of eroticism she can sense her arousal. Once the clitoris is tumescent, she can orgasm by massaging the internal orgasm.
Orgasm is a unique response of the body that occurs in the same way for everyone. Responsiveness works like a capacitor. Tension builds in the nervous system (like electrical potential) and is then released in a burst. Women experience considerably less sexual tension. Thus male orgasm is much stronger and may explain, in part, men’s greater sexual motivation.
Responsiveness is a unique experience. In a similar way to how we become increasingly conscious of a need to urinate, we also become aware of tumescence. A man has conscious awareness of his tumescence because the erect penis is highly sensitive. But the clitoral organ is never rigid like the penis and it is internal to the body, so most women are never aware of any tumescence. Even for a responsive woman, tumescence is deeply buried in the subconscious and she is only aware of it when contemplating orgasm.
We inherit a combination of genes from our parents that makes each of us unique. We have genes that determine our intelligence, responsiveness and other abilities. Unique personal talents are unusual and relatively rare. This is vital for a stable society. For a talented person, their ability is normal. It’s the way they were born. The same is true of responsiveness. Every man is responsive to varying degrees. Female responsiveness is much lower and so never surfaces in most women. Even though most people are heterosexual, it is quite normal for a homosexual man or a lesbian woman to be gay.
The more responsive we are, the more frequently we are able to experience orgasm. Even between men there are huge differences in sexual interest. In general, we are content with the orgasm frequency that we have. Responsiveness is similar to any other need of the human body. When we are hungry, we are motivated to eat. When we are full, we stop eating until the next time we feel hungry. We are motivated to satisfy a need. Research reveals that when a man leaves his wife for a younger woman, he is initially more sexually active because of the novelty of the situation. But over time the man’s responsiveness (orgasm frequency) returns to what it was before.
Like many other physiologic functions, erotic response depends upon a remarkably fool proof mechanism. When one reaches the limit of physiologic endurance he no longer responds erotically. He is no longer capable of erection and finds little incentive to force the situation. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)