Sexuality is about enjoying the responsiveness of our own body through masturbation. Our mind’s ability to respond to erotic scenarios (both real and imagined) causes us to investigate our body’s responses. Using the hands (or more accurately the fingers) to massage the aroused sex organ, allows us to enjoy the pleasure of arousal and orgasm when we are alone. Humans have used their fingers for masturbation since time immemorial.
Regardless of gender, sexual activity that is aimed at achieving orgasm involves continuous rhythmic movements of the whole body focused on the pelvis. Masturbation, for men and women, simulates the male role in intercourse. Men and women tighten the buttock muscles in a similar way to pressure the sex organ from within the body. Both sexes may also point the toes. Men sometimes stand on tip toe. These subconscious reflexes are the result of a thrusting instinct. They cannot be used to cause orgasm.
Orgasm is a response of the brain. Our minds respond to erotic stimuli regardless of our relationship status and the availability of a partner. A basic characteristic of responsiveness is that a person can achieve orgasm by themselves. Men and women use their fingers to massage the blood flow in the corpora cavernosa within the penis and the internal clitoral organ.
Adults to not tell children how to masturbate. Children discover masturbation by themselves if they have the capability. Boys investigate the possibility of masturbation soon after they learn about it. Stimulation is highly likely to lead to orgasm for boys because they are very easily aroused. Girls are not automatically aroused (by hormones) as boys are. Clitoral stimulation only leads to orgasm when combined with explicit fantasies.
The function of sexual activity alone is the pleasure of the individual. Male masturbation is much more common than female because men are easily and regularly aroused. This constant arousal causes a build-up of sexual frustration that many men like to release through masturbation. A woman is not aroused hormonally, by visual stimuli of a lover’s body or in anticipation of sexual activity. So a woman does not have the same need to masturbate. She does not experience pent-up sex drive as young men do.
Masturbation clearly fulfils quite different functions for men and women. For men, masturbation is usually a poor substitute for sexual activity with a lover. But women only ever orgasm through masturbation. For a responsive woman, orgasm is a simple pleasure but it is not essential to female sexuality.
If a young boy was marooned on a dessert island, then he would most likely experience a hormonal erection at puberty. But it is unlikely that he would ever masturbate because he would not have the stimulus of another person’s body to use as a fantasy. If a young girl was marooned on a dessert island, she would never discover masturbation to orgasm. She would have no experience of being an object of male desire and no access to erotic fiction to build the sexual fantasies that she would need in order to achieve orgasm.
Adults masturbate over the longer term because they can generate fantasies that reliably lead to orgasm. The incidence and frequency of masturbation is related to our responsiveness and to the creativeness of our imagination. The more creative and inventive we are in imagining scenarios, the more likely we are to enjoy solitary activity that relies on our imagination.
Embarrassment arises because many women are disgusted by the idea of masturbation. They consider such crude sexual behaviour to be obscene. Women can be strong in their condemnation of explicitly sexual activity. Many women simply do not understand why anyone would masturbate. The few women who masturbate are inevitably alienated by such attitudes. Men also avoid referring to their masturbatory activities for the same reason.
Responsive women masturbate much less frequently than most men do (once every 3 to 4 weeks on average). Any woman can buy a sex toy. She does this to reassure herself that she can experience orgasm as she has been told she should. But this is not the result of an instinctive mental urge. Few women have the mental response to eroticism that makes orgasm possible.
A man experiences fantasy as a reflection of the real-world. He imagines a real partner in realistic and achievable situations. But a woman’s fantasies are based on unrealistic scenarios that cannot be realised in real life. One could ask why these things are the way they are. One could try to approach sexual arousal and orgasm in a different way. But ultimately we use the mechanism that works. The techniques of masturbation are quite limited.
Most women conclude that orgasm (like masturbation) is over-rated. They assume that orgasm should occur automatically during intercourse or when they stimulate themselves. But this is not orgasm. Even men do not orgasm through physical stimulation alone. Any adult needs some form of mental stimulation of an explicitly erotic nature to achieve orgasm. Women rarely appreciate that orgasm occurs because of what happens in the brain. The very specific stimulation of the sex organ only works once we are aroused.
Masturbation may or may not be pursued to the point of orgasm, and it may or may not have orgasm as its objective. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)