Home Biological aspects of sexuality Human reproduction Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation

Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation

A man is biologically motivated to impregnate a woman through an on-going process of demonstrating his virility (as a potent male who may be in demand from other women). Ejaculating into a lover’s body is the natural conclusion to the male arousal cycle. A man needs intercourse to dissipate accumulated sexual frustration and to feel a complete sexual satisfaction. So heterosexual activity will always focus on men’s arousal cycle, from erection to ejaculation. Men are highly sensitive about their ability to achieve and maintain an erection as well as to engage in sexual activity without ejaculating too soon.

Women’s bodies are relatively inert, so they have no experience similar to the male erection. The first time a woman encounters an erect penis is when she is a virgin. A woman comes to accept that once a man has an erection, he also has an urgent desire for intercourse that she is expected to satisfy. For a woman, sex involves investing in her lover’s pleasure with no payback. She is also expected to reassure a man that he is pleasing her. This is the authority of male sex drive, which is reinforced by women’s embarrassment over sex. Even mature and sexually experienced women never challenge the male view. Men’s sex drive means that the only female perspective that prevails is when women say what men want to hear. Every generation of young women assumes they should respond as men tell them they should.

Intercourse is trivial for women in the sense that they are indifferent to it. Women can cooperate easily enough with men’s desire for intercourse by leaving the initiative to the man. Once a man has started thrusting into her, he is unlikely to stop until he has ejaculated. A woman accepts that she needs to remain in position until her lover has obtained his sexual release. Intercourse may be effortless for a woman but emotionally and erotically she feels little. Women need emotional factors (which rely on having an affectionate and appreciative lover) to enjoy the romantic aspects of sex.

Eventually, men do seem to want a conclusion to their thrusting. Some women use vocal accompaniment or assist with penile stimulation by moving their hips (in time with his thrusting action) so as to reduce the time needed for intercourse. If a woman anticipates a man’s build-up, she can assist by providing the turn-on he needs to achieve orgasm. Some women time the sound accompaniment of their faked orgasm to coincide with male orgasm.

Men’s challenge is to enjoy the pleasure of thrusting for as long as they can before they feel compelled to ejaculate. It suits a man that intercourse does not require female arousal. He does not need to wait for a lover to be aroused. A man can engage in intercourse whenever he has an erection. Likewise, men do not want a woman to orgasm easily. If she did, she would cease to be interested in further stimulation. Male orgasm ends a man’s ability to stimulate a lover through intercourse. But men define female orgasm to suit themselves. The idea that female orgasm has occurred communicates a woman’s approval (erotic feedback) of a man’s efforts to please her. Because women provide an orifice rather than a phallus, a man knows that according to his definition of what it represents (evidence of female approval), female orgasm does not end sexual activity. Conveniently a man can continue intercourse until ejaculation (the reproductive event).

A responsive woman who has already experienced orgasm alone, is shocked when she first has intercourse. Intercourse is so totally different to masturbation. There is no erotic mental arousal. During masturbation a woman’s mind is completely absorbed in the action of a fantasy. She has no awareness of the real world around her. She experiences arousal and orgasm in a very surreal, private and personal situation. But sexual activity with a lover has none of this subconscious self-absorption. A woman’s mind is fully conscious all the time. Even the kind of activities that she might use in her fantasies are devoid of any erotic significance when she is with a real lover.

In the early days, a man’s sex drive seems like a demonstration of love because he spends companionable time with a woman. Over time, sex becomes a functional expectation. It becomes obvious that a man is focused on satisfying his own sexual needs. A man is oblivious to how a woman feels about supplying his sexual relief. Without any affection, a woman feels like a sexual relief tube. When intercourse ends, a woman’s satisfaction derives from her relief that the man has achieved his release. She is free to get on with her day. She doesn’t have to offer sex until the next time. In long-term relationships this obligation never goes away. It is always in the background.

If we are to understand men and women’s sexuality, we must never forget that Nature wants us to engage foremost in intercourse. Male sex drive and women’s lack of responsiveness with a lover both work towards this goal. Women can engage in sexual activity indefinitely because they are not aroused with a lover and so not focused on achieving their own orgasm. This makes women much more flexible and generous lovers than men tend to be. Men have power in relationships because their sex drive and their desire to enjoy their own erotic arousal dictate what happens during sex. The only proactive role available to women is assisting with male orgasm. Heterosexual relationships depend on women providing the body orifice and the erotic turn-ons (even if only an attractive body and passively amenable disposition) that men need to obtain a satisfying sexual release. Women obtain their rewards in the wider relationship with a loving partner.

Orgasms are elusive. Most women don’t have one every time (or maybe even most times) they hit the sheets. Plenty of surveys—and likely your own bedroom experience—verify that. (Anna Davies)