Home Biological aspects of sexuality Human reproduction Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation

Intercourse needs to continue until ejaculation

Ejaculating into a partner’s body is the natural conclusion to the male arousal cycle. A man needs intercourse to dissipate sensations of sexual frustration and to feel sexually satisfied. So heterosexual activity will always focus on men’s arousal cycle, from erection to ejaculation. Men are highly sensitive about their ability to achieve and maintain an erection as well as engage in sexual activity without ejaculating too soon. A man is motivated to impregnate a woman through an on-going process of demonstrating his virility (as a potent male who may be in demand from other women).

Men’s challenge is to enjoy the pleasure of thrusting for as long as they can before they feel compelled to ejaculate. Men know that orgasm ends their ability to stimulate a partner through intercourse. Because women provide an orifice rather than a phallus (even if he assumes it occurs) a man knows that female orgasm does not end of sexual activity. Conveniently a man can continue intercourse until ejaculation, which is the reproductive event.

Women’s bodies are relatively inert, so they have no experience similar to the male erection. The first time a woman encounters an erect penis is when she is a virgin. A woman comes to accept that once a man has an erection he also has an urgent desire for intercourse that she is expected to satisfy. For a woman, sex involves investing in lover’s pleasure with no payback. She is also expected to reassure a male lover that he is pleasing her. This is the authority of male sex drive, which is reinforced by women’s embarrassment over sex. Even mature and sexually experienced women never challenge the male view. Men’s sex drive means that the only female perspective that prevails is when women say what men want to hear. Every generation of young women assumes they should respond as men tell them they should.

In the early days, a man’s sex drive seems like a demonstration of love because he spends companionable time with a woman. Over time, sex becomes a functional expectation. It becomes obvious that a man is focused on satisfying his own sexual needs. There is no affection and a man shows no concern for how a woman feels about supplying his relief. She feels like a sexual object. When intercourse ends, a woman’s satisfaction derives from her relief that the man has achieved his sexual release. She is free to get on with her day. She doesn’t have to offer sex until the next time. In long-term relationships this duty never goes away. It is always in the background.

Intercourse is trivial for women in the sense that they are indifferent to it. Women can cooperate easily enough with men’s desire for intercourse by leaving the initiative to the man. Once a man has started on intercourse, he is unlikely to stop until he has ejaculated. A woman accepts the need for her to remain in position until the man has obtained his sexual release. Intercourse may be effortless for a woman but emotionally and erotically she feels little. Women need emotional factors (which rely on having a loving and appreciative lover) to enjoy the more romantic aspects of sex.

Eventually, men do seem to want a conclusion to their thrusting. Some women use vocal turn-ons or assist with penile stimulation by moving their hips (in time with his thrusting action) so as to minimise the time needed for intercourse. If a woman anticipates a man’s build-up, she can assist by providing the turn-on he needs to achieve orgasm. Some women time the sound accompaniment of their faked orgasm to coincide with male orgasm.

A woman feels little physically from consensual intercourse. Sexual activity in general holds no interest given her lack of arousal. A relaxing massage may compensate a woman for a lack of arousal. Men tend to complain that they are bored by making effort on platonic activity that doesn’t arouse them. But this is exactly the same reason why it’s boring for women to offer intercourse. For women, quick intercourse is generally a plus. But they may miss lovemaking including romantic kissing and non-genital touching.

A responsive woman who has already experienced orgasm alone, is shocked when she first has intercourse. Intercourse is so totally different to masturbation. There is no erotic mental arousal. During masturbation a woman’s mind is completely absorbed in the action of a fantasy. She has no awareness of the real world around her. She experiences arousal and orgasm in a very surreal, private and personal situation. But sexual activity with a lover has none of this subconscious self-absorption. A woman’s mind is fully conscious all the time. Even the kind of activities that she might use in her fantasies are devoid of any erotic significance in the real world.

If we are to understand men and women’s sexuality, we must never forget that Nature wants us to engage foremost in intercourse. Male sex drive and women’s lack of responsiveness with a lover both work towards this goal. Men have power in relationships because they dictate what happens during sex. The only proactive role available to women is assisting with male orgasm. Heterosexual relationships depend on women providing the stimulation and erotic turn-ons that men need to be satisfied. Women can engage in sexual activity indefinitely because they are not aroused with a lover and so not focused on achieving their own orgasm. This makes women much more flexible and generous lovers than men tend to be.

Orgasms are elusive. Most women don’t have one every time (or maybe even most times) they hit the sheets. Plenty of surveys—and likely your own bedroom experience—verify that. (Anna Davies 2013)