Ask a woman in any developing country and she will tell you that sex is for male pleasure and making babies. Try asking a woman in a developed country the same question and you get silence. Sexual politics is created by men’s desire for intercourse. Men will not accept what women say about sex unless it accords with their own view. Specifically, they want to hear that a woman wants intercourse as much as they do. Propaganda succeeds because of sexual ignorance. Bravado silences any constructive discussion.
The male propaganda suggesting that everyone should love sex is an implicit bullying tactic. Sexual pleasure is about what we are naturally inclined to do. It has nothing to do with what others tell us we should do. A person either enjoys sexual activity naturally (because they are easily aroused) or they don’t. Men want to believe that women orgasm from intercourse because this might make them more sexually willing. But this not logical. The evidence for female orgasm would be women’s enthusiasm for intercourse.
Female sexuality only seems complex because men interpret women’s behaviours as responsiveness. If they approached the topic from a scientific perspective, men would have been willing to accept the finding that women orgasm by masturbating. It is the obvious explanation for why female orgasm has been such a mystery for so long. Most men prefer to keep female sexuality as an unsolvable mystery rather than discuss any kind of facts or logic. Men say that it is normal and natural for everyone to want sex. If a woman loves a man then she should naturally want sex. Men call women who don’t want sex frigid, which means unloving. By refusing to accept women’s sexuality for what it is, men put emotional pressure on women.
Most women assume that it is their fault that they cannot be like men. Women’s embarrassment over sex gives men a political advantage. Men assume their greater interest in and knowledge of sexual matters qualifies them to define women’s sexuality for them. Even if a woman challenges their view, men react as they are entitled define women’s sexuality. The ego of “You obviously haven’t met the right man to make you orgasm!” indicates the male perspective. Women’s timidity over sex allows men to do this.
Considering the fuss they make about sex, men invest very little effort in trying to understand the female perspective. Men gloat over the pleasure they enjoy and, even worse, boast about the pleasure they think women enjoy. They never notice that their jubilation is one-sided. Women get tired of men talking of the pleasure that they enjoy without any sensitivity to the fact that women’s minds and bodies do not respond in the same way. Male propaganda silences women because of the implied sexual inadequacy.
Some heterosexuals enjoy the bravado of promoting intercourse as a mutual act. Women promote female sexuality because there is money to be made. Our society’s willingness to allow women to promote their sexuality, without ever being expected to justify their claimed experiences in explicit detail leads to much of the ignorance about female sexuality that we have today. It is all an act. Porno movies, directed by men, provide all the turn-ons that men enjoy. Obtaining intercourse is men’s key objective not female orgasm. Porn acts as an emotional security blanket reassuring men that women are always amenable to intercourse so that their sexual outlet is guaranteed.
Women don’t eulogise about male orgasm and neither do men boast about it. Men are clearly not interested in female orgasm as a scientific phenomenon. The interest in female orgasm is a political desire to promote orgasm claims, no matter how ridiculous. But men are much more active than women ever are about claiming female orgasm occurs especially with a lover. This is the political nature of the topic that interests more men than women. Men promote their own view because it is vitally important to them.
Male propaganda far outweighs any attempt by women to put men right. This is for a number of reasons:
- Men’s interest in discussing sex ad nauseam far outweighs women’s extremely low to negative interest in the topic.
- Men are physically and psychologically more forceful than women so they can use brute force to ensure that their view prevails.
- Women want to be attractive to men. They cannot do this if they do not silently ignore men’s claims that sex is fantastic.
- Women depend on men’s support to have children. So women have an emotional investment in their relationship with a man.
Female orgasm justifies women’s role in an activity that, in truth, focuses on male orgasm. The fact that women’s lifestyles are subsidised by their partners, is overlooked. Women define their lives in terms of their relationships rather than their own achievements. Sex is the currency of women’s relationships with men. Many women have no chance of being financially independent. Even women who could be independent if they were single, make themselves dependent on a man because they want to have children. There’s little to be gained by taking on conflict with a man who is supporting the family. This is why so few women comment on sex.
As the feminist group the Redstockings put it, for many women marriage is one of the few forms of employment that is readily available. (Hite 1993)