Imagine a woman who responds like a man. She is highly aroused from the start. She strips her lover naked to see his genitals. She caresses and kisses her lover’s body from head to toe. She makes love to his penis and provides amazing oral sex. Where would the human race be now if women behaved like this? Most men would ejaculate before they ever got to intercourse.
A woman is naturally in the position of something sexual (especially penetration) being done to her. A woman cannot penetrate or impregnate a lover. She can only be penetrated and impregnated by a man. In the early days, novelty means a man’s arousal is automatic so a woman can enjoy being the object of his desire without needing to contribute much. She can feel pampered rather than needing to act the concubine who is focused on assisting with male arousal. This also explains why rape fantasies are popular with women. It’s important here to distinguish between the reality of rape (a brutal act) and the fantasy of being taken by a man (an act of submission).
Passive acquiescence is such an accepted female behaviour that no one ever questions why only men admire a lover’s sexual attributes and are proactive about providing genital stimulation. Most women do neither of these things. Given their lack of erotic arousal, women have no agenda of their own on approaching sexual activity with a lover. Moreover, a woman has little interest in knowing the explicit details of the stimulation a man provides. Women simply accept or reject the stimulation men offer. A woman closes her eyes and lets a man explore her body to the extent she feels is proper.
When heterosexual couples engage in intercourse, the man takes hold of his erect penis, locates the vaginal entrance and inserts his penis. Unless a woman is providing male turn-ons by showing sexual initiative, she does not generally touch her lover’s penis with her hands or take an active role in initiating the stimulation of intercourse. This is evidence that men (rather than women) are motivated by the stimulation of intercourse. Even with anal sex, for both homosexual and heterosexual couples, the penetrating male tends to take control of the stimulation of his own sex organ. The receiver of intercourse has a much lower motivation due to the reduced pleasure.
We say that a man makes love to a woman. We do not say that a woman makes love to a man. Men’s acute erotic arousal on approaching a sexual scenario focuses them foremost on penile stimulation. A man does not make love to a prostitute because her consent has already been agreed. Lovemaking implies non-genital activities such as loving talk, caressing, stroking, kissing and massaging of the breasts, buttocks and other erogenous zones. Lovemaking is an activity a man uses, especially with an inexperienced woman or in the beginning of a relationship, as a lead-in to intercourse.
Women rarely dictate sexual activity with a man. Even prostitutes provide what a male client asks for. Some women may initially explore a lover’s body to give pleasure. But over the longer term, women lack the motivation to be sexually proactive because they are not aroused. A woman naturally adopts a support role of accepting the pleasuring a man offers based on the arousal he enjoys from exploring her body. The easiest role for a woman is to cooperate with intercourse for just as long as a man takes to ejaculate.
Men assume it is their role to provide a woman with the orgasm she cannot give herself. Yet this is fallacious thinking because orgasm occurs as a result of stimulating the tumescence caused by our own mental arousal. Men are proactive because they are aroused. If a woman was similarly aroused with a lover, she would be motivated to obtain her own stimulation. Women’s sexual passivity, which results from their lack of arousal, allows a man to assert his own sexual needs. Intercourse provides for male release and optimises reproduction but has nothing to do with achieving female orgasm.
Men’s sex drive provides a much greater motivation (in the short term) for initiating intimate interaction with others. Men accept failed attempts as a natural aspect of being male. But if a man doesn’t want sex with a woman, it is difficult for her to persuade him. A woman learns that if a man doesn’t find her sexually attractive then there is little point in her approaching him.
When sexual activity is focused on achieving orgasm, it naturally ends once orgasm achieved. This is the clearest evidence we have that women do not orgasm by engaging in intercourse. There is no point at which a woman puts a stop to intercourse. An orifice is always available by definition. So intercourse always ends with male orgasm, which is the trigger for ejaculation. Ejaculation of sperm into the vagina is the goal of intercourse, which is a reproductive act. The pleasure a man enjoys from intercourse is what motivates him to pursue women, persuade them into a sexual situation and, once aroused, achieve vaginal penetration and thrust until ejaculation.
Initially a man may offer pleasuring other than intercourse but over time men focus increasingly on intercourse because women do not respond positively to other pleasuring. Women tend to reject manual stimulation of the clitoris, which is far too sensitive. Many women are disgusted by the idea of oral sex. Even if a woman does allow her lover to stimulate her clitoris with his tongue, she feels almost no sensation and little pleasure. Women’s lack of responsiveness ensures that sexual activity focuses on intercourse.
… the female is generally less responsive than the male erotically, and for that reason … less often takes the initiative in any sex play. (Alfred Kinsey)