Home Social aspects of sexuality Sexual pleasuring Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus

Why women do not orgasm from cunnilingus

Men believe that cunnilingus causes female orgasm. But where does this belief come from? It doesn’t come from any research findings. Cunnilingus is clearly associated with pornography rather than women’s sexual pleasure. Misunderstandings over cunnilingus arise primarily because of the belief that women are aroused by the prospect of sexual activity in exactly the same way that men are. But women can never be the penetrator (only the receiver) with a lover because their phallus cannot penetrate (or impregnate) a lover.

The sight of his erect penis penetrating an orifice is a huge turn-on for a man. But there is no reason why women should ever be aroused by erotic stimuli (such as the availability of a lover) as men are. Before any stimulation can lead to orgasm, we must be mentally aroused. The arousal technique (of using erotic fantasies) that a responsive woman uses to access her subconscious arousal when masturbating alone does not work with a lover.

Kinsey established that the clitoris was the female sex organ. But it has not been accepted as the source of female orgasm even by women themselves. Even with all the publicity the clitoris has had, heterosexual women still have very little awareness of it. Men are aroused in anticipation of penetration partly because of their sex drive but also because of the significant pleasure of penetrating a lover with an erect penis. The clitoris cannot be used to penetrate a lover nor is it an orifice that can be penetrated. Most heterosexual couples are unaware of its existence. Cunnilingus equates to sucking on a limp penis that remains flaccid throughout. If a man was unaroused, stimulating his penile glans might also provide little pleasure.

The penis and the clitoris may start off the same in the early days of foetal development. But later the genital tubercle develops into two very different organs depending on the sex of the foetus. It’s not just that the penis is substantially bigger than the clitoris. A man is acutely aware of his penis. Most women don’t even know that they have a clitoris. What is confusing is that the clitoris is not immediately pleasurable to touch as the penis is. The clitoral glans has double the nerve endings of the penile glans. This means that manual stimulation of the clitoral glans by a lover can even be painful without lubrication and tends to be irritating or uncomfortable for a woman.

Fellatio simulates the male experience of intercourse. The penis penetrates the vagina (a warm and wet environment very similar to the mouth), which explains why men enjoy fellatio. Men can easily orgasm by penetrating any orifice of the body (mouth, vagina or anus). Cunnilingus also emulates the male experience of intercourse. But the clitoris is not intended to penetrate a vagina. Neither does it have the sensitivity of the penis. The clitoral organ is largely internal and it is only ever tumescent. The clitoral organ never becomes erect, which is what makes the penis so pleasurable to touch.

A man’s corpora cavernosa are inside the penis and run the length of the shaft. Any stimulation of the shaft that replicates intercourse (by being warm and wet) is highly pleasurable. Cunnilingus stimulates only the glans of the clitoris, which is not especially pleasurable to touch. A woman’s corpora cavernosa are located inside the clitoral organ. Cunnilingus involves providing a wet and warm environment for the clitoral glans but (unlike the penis) the clitoris is not designed to penetrate a vagina or any other orifice.

Female orgasm occurs as a result of massaging the blood flow within the internal organ (not the external glans or the labia). A responsive woman uses the fingers of both hands to firmly massage the internal organ by pressing down either side of the labia majora and squeezing with her pelvic muscles. The sensations of a lover’s tongue do not provide the kind of clitoral stimulation that causes female orgasm. So cunnilingus cannot cause orgasm.

The sensations of cunnilingus are quite diffuse and vague so there is little to object to (though many women are disgusted even by the idea of oral sex). A woman may accept a man’s desire to pleasure her through cunnilingus even though she knows that orgasm is impossible. Eventually she tires of the activity and stops him, which he may interpret as a sign that he has succeeded in satisfying her or that she has had an orgasm. Women never confirm this.

Some men go to prostitutes specifically to obtain the fellatio they can’t get at home. Women clearly do not offer fellatio as a routine part of their relationships. If cunnilingus is so pleasurable for women, it seems strange that they would not offer a lover the same pleasure. Neither do women pay for cunnilingus. Women do not demand or even ask a lover for cunnilingus. Women rarely refer to sexual pleasure. Women are typically embarrassed by references to explicit genital stimulation. Cunnilingus is portrayed in porn as a male turn-on but it still lags behind intercourse in terms of popularity. In general women prefer so-called lovemaking to explicit genital stimulation.

Some men offer cunnilingus because they enjoy extending their own arousal. This male desire to pleasure a woman causes much of the confusion over female orgasm. Some women may accept cunnilingus, if a lover offers, especially if they are aware of the erroneous belief that it can cause female orgasm. Many more men talk about cunnilingus than women ever do. There is certainly no widespread discontent among women that some men are unwilling to provide cunnilingus. Some men focus solely on intercourse.

The male, with his higher level of sexual responsiveness, is the one who is more often interested in making oral contacts, and it is the wife who is more often offended. (Alfred Kinsey)