Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. Just as the same mechanism causes men and women to sneeze, so we also orgasm in the same way. Regardless of gender and orientation, both the anatomy and the trigger are the same. We massage the tumescent phallus and focus our minds on explicit aspects of eroticism. Orgasm techniques are similar whether we are male or female, alone or with a lover, gay or heterosexual.
The phallus (penis or clitoris) is always involved in achieving orgasm. It is inconceivable that men and women would have evolved a response as fundamental as orgasm through different evolutionary routes. This is where the anatomical precedent comes in. The same anatomy is involved for men and women. The penis and clitoris may not look alike but they develop from the same anatomy in every foetus regardless of sex. The vagina develops from female reproductive glands that waste away in the male.
The penis acts both as a sex organ and a reproductive organ. So men enjoy orgasm (which triggers ejaculation) as part of their reproductive role in intercourse. Women’s reproductive anatomy (the vagina) complements male sexuality (male sex drive). But for women intercourse has a purely reproductive function. A woman has separate anatomy. The vagina is a reproductive organ. The clitoris is the sex organ. Women’s responsiveness (ability to orgasm) mirrors male sexuality including an instinct to thrust.
If we want to understand responsiveness, a good place to start is male sexuality. When men engage in intercourse or masturbation, they stimulate their penis rhythmically up until orgasm. This is logical because orgasm was the motivation for the stimulation. Similarly, there is no reason to continue stimulation after orgasm because the goal has been achieved. No one can predict the exact timing of an orgasm. But intercourse stimulates a woman’s vagina only while a man has an erection (until ejaculation). No one (not even a man) can orgasm within limits set by another person’s responses. Neither can we orgasm with exactly the same frequency as another person.
The idea that women (but not men) need a lover with specialised stimulation skills to make them orgasm or give them an orgasm is a fallacy. Orgasm is a specific erotic phenomenon that occurs relatively predictably given the appropriate psychological and physical stimuli. But physical stimulation (regardless of who provides it) is a secondary issue. Mental arousal is much more crucial and must be achieved before physical stimulation can be effective (lead reliably to orgasm). When we become responsive in adolescence (all men but very few women), we discover orgasm by ourselves. Only a tiny number of young boys orgasm spontaneously. Most of us need to focus on an erotic stimulus. We make our own orgasm because what happens in our mind causes us to orgasm.
Arousal occurs when the mind tunes into erotic thoughts or images. We are conscious of arousal because this trigger increases the flow of blood into the pelvic area. In turn this increased blood flow causes the erectile organ (penis or clitoris) to become sensitive to stimulation. This sensitivity is considerably heightened for a man. A woman obtains relatively little pleasure from massaging the clitoral organ during masturbation alone.
Sexual activity that is aimed at orgasm is not accompanied by a dialogue. Anyone who wants to orgasm needs to concentrate on the mental turn-ons that cause arousal. During masturbation alone we always need some form of fantasy to achieve arousal. These fantasies need to be explicitly erotic and include aspects of sex that are sufficiently arousing that we achieve orgasm. Fantasies are based on the personal erotic preferences of the individual.
Masturbation is based on an instinctive thrusting behaviour. It is not consciously determined by the individual but rather it happens because the individual does what comes naturally when they are mentally aroused. We could randomly experiment with different masturbation techniques but there’s little point. Men use a technique that they know from experience achieves orgasm most efficiently. Similarly, once she discovers orgasm, a woman uses the same position and stimulation because they work reliably.
Build-up to orgasm involves rhythmic movements of the whole body, focused on the pelvis. The hips are thrust forward, the thigh and buttocks muscles are flexed. This is an instinctive behaviour that puts pressure on the internal sex organ (penis or clitoris). The sex organ (clitoris or penis) is stimulated simultaneously from behind (or within) as well as from the front (by surrounding skin moving over the glans of the penis or clitoris).
Although men are much more flexible in the position in which they can orgasm, they often prefer a position that is above the woman and facing down. A woman lies face down with her hands on her vulva. This position allows for the thrusting motion and the clenching of the buttocks that is critical to achieving orgasm. Women do not orgasm from intercourse because the position they need for orgasm is incompatible with intercourse. Intercourse does not allow a woman the focus she needs on fantasy for orgasm. Neither can she emulate the male role of thrusting to orgasm.
The basic physiology of sexual response is essentially the same among females and males. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)