Learn About Sexuality is one woman’s attempt to provide sex information that is factual, logical and backed by the research findings. Various factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I am an attractive and sexually responsive woman;
(2) I am heterosexual so orientation cannot be used against me;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship;
(4) My partner has given me both moral & technical support;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet to publicise my work;
(6) I am fluent and articulate in the global language of English;
(7) I am familiar with the academic process; I am analytical & organised;
(8) As a maths graduate, I appreciate the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(9) I have had the time and financial resources to work for nothing;
(10) I am motivated to persevere regardless of any opposition.
We assume that anyone who has had sex knows everything there is to know. But very few adults have the intellect, life experience and emotional detachment needed to understand sexuality. Most people have only prejudices, assumptions and misconceptions. They are reassured by their fantasies and see scientific logic as a personal attack. A sex researcher needs to be undeterred by the inevitable emotional and political backlash. Few people are motivated by a topic that is fraught with taboo and sexual politics.
Our society doesn’t reward those who excel in subjects related to the human condition such as sexuality. Also, very importantly, there’s no commercial or strategic advantage to improving our understanding of human emotions and psychology. Sources that are selling fantasies to reassure people can be commercial. Sex education and research involve telling people what they don’t want to hear. For this reason, it will always depend on public funding.
Everyone assumes that a so-called expert in sexology must attend a course. This parallels the thinking that any woman who buys a vibrator can have an orgasm. Einstein never went to university. He was self-taught. If we have an ability, we don’t need to be taught. Original thought goes beyond textbook wisdom. Similarly, Alex Comfort’s sex manual was hugely popular but he wasn’t a sexologist. Few people have an interesting sex life and even fewer are motivated to write about it. The ability to think and the confidence to challenge the status quo are incredibly rare. Most people accept what they are told. They do not question so-called wisdom or have their own ideas.
Initially I accepted all the bravado just as everyone does but after decades, I have concluded that women who boast about orgasm really have no idea what an orgasm is. It seems an ungenerous conclusion to draw but not one single woman has been able to discuss orgasm logically and dispassionately. Of course I should make money as others do from promoting fantasies and sexual ignorance. But I’m not trying to be popular. My objective is to communicate the reality of how women experience arousal and orgasm.
A man could never figure out what I have concluded. A man cannot possibly imagine the sexual inertness of the female body. Any woman can appreciate the behaviours she needs to employ to have a sexual relationship with a man (or a woman for that matter). But as a responsive woman, I have been able to empathise with the male perspective to some extent. I have slowly come to realise that we look at female responsiveness from the wrong perspective. It parallels rather than complements the male experience.
I hope that my work will inspire others to ensure that our understanding of sexuality is based on behaviours and biological precedents rather than on what people hope for. It is vitally important, amid all the fiction and pornography, that thinking adults have a reliable source of sex education. This information needs to be consistent and to be free of contradictions. There needs to be a clear distinction between what is erotic fiction and what is accepted as an academic and thoroughly researched account of sexuality. Perhaps in future professionals in the fields of medicine and sexual health will be motivated to contribute to our sexual knowledge. If sex education is to be respected, it is vital that there are people who are willing to challenge new developments. All too easily there is a temptation to be led into sexual ignorance and commercialism by the attraction of sensationalism.
No nation has ever questioned the erotic fiction fabricated by Western Civilisation. One might just as well ask why women around the world are happy to adopt the ridiculously impractical custom of wearing high-heeled shoes. Human beings are very simple and when it comes to sex, even simpler. Men like looking at women’s legs so women like to display them. Men enjoy sexual fantasies about women’s sexuality and women don’t like to disappoint them. What is to be gained? Few countries have any official bodies to oversee sex education and those that do are dominated by men.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell 1872-1970)