Learn About Sexuality is one woman’s attempt to provide sex information that is factual, logical and backed by the research findings. Various factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I am an attractive and sexually responsive woman;
(2) I am heterosexual so orientation cannot be used against me;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship;
(4) My partner has given me both moral & technical support;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet to publicise my work;
(6) I am fluent and articulate in the global language of English;
(7) I am familiar with the academic process; I am analytical & organised;
(8) As a maths graduate, I appreciate the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(9) I have had the time and financial resources to work for nothing;
(10) I am motivated to persevere regardless of any opposition.
My advantage, as a woman, is that my brain doesn’t explode whenever sex is mentioned. I don’t care about the taboo (the ignorance that categorises my experience as dysfunctional) that silences so many women. I have proven that the orgasms men assume women have are fictional. I have been able to challenge the topic and the misconceptions with a mind clear of any arousal or sense of inadequacy. Any woman can appreciate the behaviours she needs to employ in her sexual relationship. But as a responsive woman, I have been able to empathise with the male perspective to some degree. I have slowly come to realise that we look at female responsiveness from the wrong perspective. It parallels rather than complements the male experience. A man could never figure out what I have concluded. A man would never accept the almost total sexual inertness of the female body.
Everyone assumes that a sex experts must have attended a course. This belief that others understand what we cannot understand ourselves is part of the problem. Everyone seems to assume that, rather like the holy scriptures, all we can do is pass onto the next generation what we have been told by those who came before us. The idea that someone might be capable of original thought doesn’t seem to occur to anyone. If it cannot be explained to ordinary people (or at least to graduates) then it isn’t scientific. If women had orgasms as we assume, they wouldn’t need to go on a course.
Initially I accepted all the bravado just as everyone does but after decades, I had to conclude that women who boast about orgasm have no idea what an orgasm is. It seems an ungenerous conclusion to draw but none of them can discuss orgasm logically and dispassionately. We assume that anyone who has had sex knows everything there is to know. Very few people have an interesting sex life and even fewer are motivated to write about it. Most people have only prejudices, assumptions and misconceptions. Few adults have the intellect, life experience and emotional detachment needed to understand sexuality. Having the ability for original thought means we don’t need to be taught. Research goes beyond textbook wisdom. The capacity for creative thought and the confidence to challenge the status quo are rare.
Our society doesn’t reward those who excel in subjects related to the human condition such as sexuality. There’s no commercial or strategic advantage to improving our understanding of human emotions. The problem with ignorance is that we cannot know what we do not know. Many people are reassured by their fantasies and see scientific logic as a personal attack. A researcher must be undeterred by the inevitable emotional and political backlash. Sources that are selling fantasies to reassure people can be commercial. Sex education and research involve telling people what they don’t want to hear. For this reason, it will always depend on public funding.
I hope that my work will inspire others to ensure that our understanding of sexuality is based on behaviours and biological precedents rather than on what people hope for. It is vitally important, amid all the fiction and pornography, that thinking adults have a reliable source of sex education. If sex education is to be respected, it is vital that there are people who are willing to challenge new developments. All too easily there is a temptation to be led into sexual ignorance and commercialism by the attraction of sensationalism. There needs to be a clear distinction between erotic fiction and an accepted, academic and thoroughly researched account of sexuality.
No nation has ever questioned the erotic fiction fabricated by Western Civilisation. One might just as well ask why women around the world are happy to adopt the ridiculously impractical custom of wearing high-heeled shoes. Human beings are very simple and when it comes to sex, even simpler. Men like looking at women’s legs so women like to display them. Men enjoy sexual fantasies about women’s sexuality and women don’t like to disappoint them. What is to be gained? Few countries have any official bodies to oversee sex education and those that do are dominated by men.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell 1872-1970)