‘Learn About Sexuality’ is one woman’s attempt to provide sex information that is factual, logical and backed by the research findings. Various factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I am an attractive and sexually responsive woman;
(2) I am heterosexual so orientation cannot be used against me;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship;
(4) My partner has given me both moral & technical support;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet to publicise my work;
(6) I am fluent and articulate in the global language of English;
(7) I am familiar with the academic process, I am analytical & organised;
(8) As a maths graduate, I appreciate the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(9) I have had the time and financial resources to work for nothing;
(10) I have the strength of character to persevere regardless of any opposition.
Over the years, I slowly came to realise that we have been looking at female responsiveness from completely the wrong perspective. We always assume that women should orgasm in situations where a man would orgasm (as a complementary experience rather than a parallel experience). So we assume women should orgasm from penetration not from being a penetrator. Kinsey noted that the clitoris was associated with female orgasm and female masturbation. He made the analogy between the penis and the clitoris. They are equivalent organs. He also commented that women who masturbate face down, by thrusting with their pelvis mimic the male role in intercourse. All of these factors point to the conclusion that women orgasm by emulating the male (not the female) role in intercourse.
A man could never figure out what I have concluded. A man cannot possibly imagine the sexual inertness of the female body. It would be equally impossible for an unresponsive woman to understand sexuality. Any woman can appreciate the sexual behaviours she needs to employ to have a sexual relationship with a man (or a woman for that matter). But without the experience of orgasm, it is impossible for a woman to appreciate male sexuality. As a responsive woman, I have been able to empathise with the male perspective to some extent. Many experiences (such as sex drive for example) are a complete mystery to me. I often wonder what a man feels sexually and what a sex drive feels like.
No doubt many people think I’m stupid. It would be much easier to go along with all the nonsense that everyone else does to make money. But I’m not trying to be popular. My objective is to present the truth. I am determined to communicate the reality of how women experience arousal and orgasm. If this involves falling out with others, so be it. I will continue to do what is right. This naiveite also comes across as idealism, which it probably is. If women truly enjoyed sex, they would talk about it openly and unashamedly. They would not need to be persuaded. Men’s fantasies mean they want women to enjoy sex (as men do through their own arousal and orgasm) rather than as an emotional reward for pleasing a lover.
Initially we accept what other people say but after decades, I have come to realise that they have no idea what they are talking about. It seems a very ungenerous conclusion to draw but not one single woman has been willing to discuss orgasm as an explicit phenomenon. Anyone who doesn’t believe me could easily do their own research into female sexuality. A man could ask his partner about the anatomy and mental turn-ons that are involved in her orgasm. No man ever does this because he knows that women talk about emotional factors that have nothing to do with how men approach orgasm. By definition, we are talking about very different experiences.
I hope that my work will inspire others to ensure that our understanding of sexuality is based on behaviours and biological precedents rather than on what people hope for. It is vitally important, amid all the fiction and pornography, that thinking adults can find a reliable source of reputable sex education. Perhaps in future professionals in the fields of medicine and sexual health will be motivated to contribute to true sexual knowledge.
If this knowledge is to be respected, it is vital that there are people who are willing to challenge new developments. All too easily there is a temptation to be led into sexual ignorance by the attraction of sensationalism. This information needs to build a consistent picture and to be free of contradictions. There needs to be a clear distinction between what is commonly presented in pornography and erotic fiction and what is accepted as an academic and thoroughly researched account of sexuality.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell 1872-1970)