‘Learn About Sexuality’ is one woman’s attempt to provide sex information that is factual, logical and backed by the research findings. Various factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I am a responsive woman (this is evidently very rare);
(2) I am attractive enough to be credible as a ‘sexual’ woman;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship;
(4) My partner has given me both moral & technical support;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet to publicise my work;
(6) I am heterosexual so orientation cannot be used against me;
(7) I have had the time and financial resources to work for nothing;
(8) I am familiar with the academic process, I am analytical & organised;
(9) As a maths graduate, I appreciate the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(10) I have the strength of character to persevere regardless of any opposition.
If you experience something (such as female orgasm) that is significant, you are motivated to compare notes with others. Initially you want to learn from others. But when you find other women are unwilling to discuss such things, you want to reassure younger women with similar experiences, that they are not alone. This has been my prime motivation for writing about sexuality. Realising that the experience is rare, I have attempted to be as explicit as possible. I decided that providing a detailed account was the only way to differentiate myself from all the fictional stories about women’s supposed responsiveness.
Women’s behaviour when asked about their sexual experiences, is incompatible with the idea that they enjoy sexual pleasure. Typically women refuse to answer, they are embarrassed or even angry. They suggest that they cannot supply such personal information. Even so-called experts refer you to a text book or to someone else who is supposed to be an expert. Initially we accept what other people say but after decades, I have come to realise that they have no idea what they are talking about. It seems a very ungenerous conclusion to draw but not one single woman has been willing to discuss orgasm as an explicit phenomenon.
I have gradually assumed a position of authority on sexuality because I have never met anyone else who can talk about the topic in the explicit and objective way that I think is necessary. I have made my experiences and conclusions as widely available as possible to reach as many people as possible. I have accepted that I just need to say what has to be said because I am the only person who appears to have the motivation to put the picture straight.
My conclusions are not gospel. They are deductions I believe to be valid after many years of researching the topic. I am driven by a desire to correct the sexual ignorance that I have had to face, which has made finding answers much more embarrassing than it needed to be. It should be a basic right for everyone to have access to unbiased sex information. No one can benefit from truths they are not ready to hear. The information I provide is for those who appreciate it because they are looking for answers.
In the beginning I hoped that someone would join me or support me. I thought that sexually experienced women, perhaps lesbians or prostitutes would have something to say. Most people are simply not motivated by this topic. There’s no money in it and most people have to earn a living. I am motivated by my determination to document the truth. The advantage of being outside medical and research bodies is that I am independent. I cannot be silenced through political pressure. I have a unique position where I can ask unpopular questions and discuss the topic without the threat of censure. This is vital for the work that I need to do.
I hope that my work will be an inspiration to others to ensure that our understanding of sexuality is based on behaviours and biological precedents rather than what people hope to be true. It is vitally important, amid all the fiction and pornography, that thinking adults can find a reliable source of reputable sex education. Perhaps in future professionals in the fields of medicine and sexual health will be motivated to contribute to a database of true sexual knowledge.
If this knowledge is to be respected, it is vital that there are people who are willing to challenge new developments. All too easily there is a temptation to be led into sexual ignorance by the attraction of sensationalism. This information needs to build a consistent picture and to be free of contradictions. There needs to be a clear distinction between what is commonly presented in pornography and erotic fiction and what is accepted as an academic and thoroughly researched account of sexuality.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell 1872-1970)