Learn About Sexuality is one woman’s attempt to provide sex information that is factual, logical and backed by the research findings. Various factors have come together to make me the right person to do this:
(1) I am an attractive and sexually responsive woman;
(2) I am heterosexual so orientation cannot be used against me;
(3) I have had a communicative and adventurous sexual relationship;
(4) My partner has given me both moral & technical support;
(5) I have had the benefit of the internet to publicise my work;
(6) I am fluent and articulate in the global language of English;
(7) I am familiar with the academic process; I am analytical & organised;
(8) As a maths graduate, I appreciate the value & pitfalls of statistics;
(9) I have had the time and financial resources to work for nothing;
(10) I am motivated to persevere regardless of any opposition.
People are often called experts simply because they have attended a course. But such people just pass on what they have been told. Believing that experts can understand what we cannot understand ourselves is part of the problem. If it cannot be explained (at least to graduates) then it isn’t scientific. When I first started writing, I thought these so-called experts would support a motivated newcomer. I assumed that they would recognise the courage I needed as well as the uniqueness of my honesty and my explicitness. Afterwards I was amazed that I could have been so naïve to think that they would support me in toppling their emotional beliefs. Anyone who has the ability for original thought doesn’t need to be taught. But this creative ability and confidence to challenge the status quo are rare.
My advantage, as a woman, is that my brain doesn’t explode whenever sex is mentioned. I don’t care about the taboo (the ignorance that categorises my experience as dysfunctional) that silences so many women. It is quite easy to prove that the orgasms men assume women have are fictional. I have been able to challenge the misconceptions with a mind clear of any arousal or sense of inadequacy. Any woman can appreciate the behaviours she needs to employ in her sexual relationship. But as a responsive woman, I have been able to empathise with the male perspective to some degree. I have slowly come to realise that we look at female responsiveness from the wrong perspective. It parallels rather than complements the male experience. A man could never figure out what I have concluded. A man would never accept the almost total sexual inertness of the female body.
We assume that anyone who has had sex knows everything there is to know. In truth, few people have an interesting sex life and even fewer are motivated to write about it. Not everyone has the necessary intellect, life experience and emotional detachment to understand sexuality. Most people have only prejudices, assumptions and misconceptions. The problem with ignorance is that we cannot know what we do not know. Initially I accepted the bravado as we all do. But after decades, I have concluded that women who boast about orgasm have no idea what an orgasm is. It seems an ungenerous conclusion to draw but none of them can talk about orgasm in any detail.
Science that can be defined by physical laws is relatively reliable. But sexuality depends on human nature which is a factor of our survival instincts. There’s no commercial or strategic advantage to improving our understanding of human emotions. Our society doesn’t reward those who excel in subjects related to the human condition such as sexuality. Many people are reassured by their fantasies and see scientific logic as a personal attack. A researcher must be undeterred by the inevitable emotional and political backlash. Sources that are selling fantasies to reassure people can be commercial. Sex education and research involve telling people what they don’t want to hear. For this reason, it will always depend on public funding.
In an educated society, every adult should have the right to authoritative sex information. If sex education is to be respected, it is vital that professionals defend science against commercialism and sensationalism. I hope that my work will inspire others to ensure that our understanding of sexuality is based on (biological and behavioural) facts rather than erotic fiction. Information should be based on logic and relevant research findings not personal opinions. Each adult also has the right to ignore such information.
I try to bring some common sense and logic to the discussion of sexuality. Specifically, I am challenging the advice given to women, which is wrong. I am not forcing my conclusions onto anyone. A person must be willing to contemplate new ideas with an open mind. Kinsey’s work is a legacy we should treasure. Nothing has replaced the wealth of insightful statistics and logical conclusions from his work. This is a loss I try to put right. One day I hope our society will be motivated to continue his work to ensure that future generations have access to factual and logical sex information.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell 1872-1970)