Home Social aspects of sexuality The sex industry Sex as a competitive sport & entertainment

Sex as a competitive sport & entertainment

A woman values a man as a social asset (who has status and experience). But a man values a woman as a sexual asset. A young woman is a trophy because of her attractiveness and her inexperience. A man enjoys knowing that his lover is attractive not only to himself but also to other men. A man enjoys the satisfaction of having an attractive woman choose him as a lover.

There’s nothing a woman can do to make intercourse happen. But if she is attracted to a man, she can indicate her willingness. Women complement men’s sexuality, not by having a similar focus on their own arousal, but by responding to the fantasies that assist with male arousal. When a woman seduces a man, she can use sexual behaviours that tempt him into wanting intercourse with her by providing erotic turn-ons that cause his arousal.

When a man invests special attention in a woman, she is naturally flattered. All the time he is admiring her or talking to her, in her mind she knows consciously or subconsciously that he wants to have sex with her. She may enjoy rewarding him for his admiration in the hope that he loves her. If he moves on to another woman the following day, she feels betrayed. She has offered him her love and he has trampled on it. For men, sex often seems to be just a basic physical need. Some men have no interest in women as people. They just want the erotic variety and the sense of conquest. Women don’t understand how sex can be so important to men and yet so trivial.

Some women use men’s sex drive for their own advantage. They indicate that they may be sexually amenable and wait for him to offer dinner, taxi rides and so on. Then they tell him that they can’t oblige him. This can be a dangerous tactic as not all men are gentlemen. But also it’s very unfair. Women who behave like this are taking advantage of men’s sexual needs.

There are always many more men looking for sex than there are amenable (or apparently amenable) women. Clubs and bars make men pay while women enter for free. Men are asked to bring a partner but single women are welcomed. The imbalance between male demand for sex and female supply is a constant source of frustration for many single and married men.

It used to be called wife-swapping but today the more unisex term swinging is used. People meet up in order to have intercourse with complete strangers. Some people find this extremely erotic while others find it the reverse because of the lack of emotional context. Women enjoy being admired sexually but the prime motivation comes from their male partners.

Both heterosexual and homosexual men can become obsessed with their own performance and a lover’s as if sex is a competitive sport. However, over time this approach to sex can cause dissatisfaction. Over the longer term, most people derive more contentment from relationships based on a sense of emotional connection with a lover. The non-orgasmic aspects of sex such as anticipation and the build-up of arousal can also be enjoyable.

Addictions are characterised by compulsive behaviours. For men, sex addiction often centres on a porn obsession. This causes problems because of the mismatch with reality. Women, on the other hand, use sex to find love. Inexperienced women often think that a man will love them if they offer sex but men don’t necessarily connect sex with love. Perversely men often marry women who are less promiscuous because they value sexual loyalty in women even though they may not be ready to offer it themselves.

Rather bizarrely, men are much more interested in female orgasm than women are themselves. If women love sex so much why does any man care what is said about their responses to it? It’s the fact that women are not as enthusiastic about sex as men would like that causes men to promote female orgasm. This pressure causes some women to fake orgasm or to profess a false enthusiasm for sex. By promoting the idea that intercourse causes female orgasm, a man can transform his selfish need for sexual release into a selfless desire to pleasure a lover. This male behaviour is a man’s way of obtaining sexual permission and emotional acceptance from women.

A man is aroused by contemplating opportunities for penetrating a partner with his erect penis. It might be very different if his sex life involved him being penetrated by a lover. It’s not an exact parallel because men can experience pleasure from anal penetration because of the prostate. A man can try imagining a woman’s perspective on sex by considering how he would feel is he was only ever a receiver (anal sex). It might also help men to appreciate how they would feel if pornography involved images of penises penetrating men’s anuses. Just because such images are arousing for some, they are not for everyone. Images that are faked to give the impression that someone wants to be penetrated are equally offensive. Women may be sexually subjugated by men for the purposes of reproduction but they want consideration and respect from a man who is enjoying his own pleasure.

She can say she had 5 orgasms and you will have no way of proving her wrong. Truth is what man would even want to prove her wrong. We all like to believe that we laid it down right, so who is really going to question it unless it was a horrible performance (act) on her part. (Stephan Labossiere 2012)