The objective of a mating act is for the male to deposit his semen in the female’s vagina. From a reproductive perspective, the quicker the better. For highly responsive men, sexual thoughts are frequently on their mind. They are often aroused throughout the day. When they have an opportunity for sex with a partner their challenge is to slow down so that they don’t ejaculate spontaneously. Men are responsive. Women are not. So women can engage in any form of sexual activity with a lover almost indefinitely.
Men’s insecurities are that sex is very simple but they’re not sure what is expected of them. Surely all they have to do is what comes naturally? But all the discussion about female orgasm seems to imply that that is not good enough. So what else do they need to do to keep women happy in bed?
It’s ridiculous really but the implication is that they should learn special techniques to penetrate the vagina in a different way, either at a different angle or with a different rhythm, so that a woman will be able to orgasm. A man is also under pressure to last for ever, which is quite impossible.
It’s not uncommon for a man to have a problem with erections from time to time. But ED that happens routinely is not normal and should be treated. ED is defined as difficulty getting or keeping an erection that’s firm enough for intercourse. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the most common sex problem that men report to their doctor. Only a quarter of men are impotent by the age of 70. A man has a desire for intercourse even when he is impotent.
ED can happen when testosterone levels fall, blood flow to the penis is limited or nerves are harmed. It can also be an early warning of a more serious illness like: hardening or blocked arteries, heart disease, high blood pressure or diabetes. Men should avoid being overweight and aim for low cholesterol and low blood pressure. They should also do regular exercise, avoid excessive stress, alcohol and smoking. Anything a man can do to ease tension and feel emotionally stable is likely to help his performance.
Some older men, who may be fit and healthy, have problems getting an erection. Erectile dysfunction (ED) becomes more common as men age. But it is not necessarily a normal part of aging. There are treatments, which include consulting a specialist who uses a vacuum pump or obtaining one of your own. The pump creates an artificial erection by causing blood to flow into the corpora cavernosa within the shaft of the penis. Another approach is to ask a lover to provide turn-ons that may cause an erection.
If a man has ED, it may help to take the focus off his performance. By focusing on his partner, he may assist with his own arousal. Take a break and spend some time massaging, kissing and fingering her. Use penetrative sex towards the end of lovemaking. Make her feel appreciated.
Here are some ideas to think about:
- Is your lover open-minded? Do you discuss new approaches to sexual pleasuring? Try a change of venue or different positions.
- Try asking your partner what she would like, How much time do you invest in pleasuring her before having intercourse?
- Have you talked about bringing some variety to your sex life? Sex toys, porn movies etc. all help.
- What do you do to show that you appreciate your partner? Do you spend companionable time with your partner?
A woman doesn’t get aroused in the way that a man does. There’s no sense of frustration if nothing happens. So the pressure comes primarily from a man wanting to enjoy his own performance and perhaps have his lover’s appreciation. Any sense of inadequacy could be easily overcome if a man was willing to stimulate a woman orally or manually. But men are typically only interested in engaging in sexual activity when they have an erection.
Premature ejaculation is the great male fear. The trouble is that coming too soon is a fact of life. (Antony Mason 1998)