Men’s sex drive motivates them to take the sexual initiative. Men are foremost attracted to body parts but they also like a lover who is sexually amenable, which means passive rather than asserting her own needs. Women give sex as a means of demonstrating affection. When a woman feels emotionally attracted to a man, she willingly offers sex. Anyone who is the receiver of intercourse appreciates respect from the penetrating male.
Men assume sex equals emotional intimacy. Men have sex to feel validated. The penetrator has most of the pleasure. When a man is aroused, he automatically assumes that a woman is equally aroused. This not so, even if she is in a relationship with him. The receiver only has the reward of giving pleasure, which is greatly reduced if the penetrator is disrespectful. Over time men take a partner for granted and assume that sex is an automatic right. Within a relationship, a woman needs a lover to demonstrate that he is willing to give her the affectionate companionship that she appreciates.
Men respect each other on the basis of power: brute force, money or status. The male role of protector gives men a sense of superiority over women. Men call their male companions ‘ladies’ as an insult. The implication is that rather than being robust and strong men, they are weak and feeble women who need to be indulged with special privileges. This male arrogance and self-absorbed interest in their own sexual performance angers women. If a man is offensive, a woman will often fall silent. Women notice such things. But men assume someone will assert their opinion if they disagree. A woman expects a man to respect the common courtesies. Most women discontinue relationships with men who are consistently insensitive or disrespectful.
Men might not be so arrogant if someone was constantly hassling to penetrate their orifices (mouth or anus). Men disrespect those (women and gay men) who offer a lover an opportunity for penetrative sex. Yet homosexuality involves much more of a mutual exchange than heterosexuality. Unlike gay men, heterosexual men never have to reciprocate by offering to be a receiver of intercourse (this is the advantage of heterosexuality). Men respect foremost the biological role of being the penetrator. This attitude recognises that the penetrator takes his satisfaction and pleasure in penetrating a lover’s body and thrusting until ejaculation.
The only people who talk of sexual pleasure are men. The only women who talk about sex in public are being paid to do so. Men like to assume that silence equals happiness. Women harbour resentments towards men. We see this in the sexual harassment charges. Men resent women’s eternal sexual reluctance that they can’t understand. This confusion can turn into strong resentment, and even anger, that men then sometimes take out on women.
Men would not be so happy if (instead of their heterosexual pornography) society was full of pouting and seductive-looking men posing in revealing underwear in suggestive poses. Nor would men enjoy close ups of male genitals and unrealistic portrayals of male sexual performance. Women are expected to be immune to parallel images of their own sex. Some women find it offensive that women’s breasts and vaginas are displayed so freely everywhere on the internet. It’s certainly not an erotic turn-on for women.
Men need intercourse regardless of women’s amenability, so they are naturally insensitive to the female perspective. A predator cannot afford to feel compassion for its prey. A carnivore only eats meat. Someone has to die. Male sex drive works similarly. A man cannot afford to empathise with women’s perspective. Otherwise he would lose out on sexual opportunities and the human race might die out. A man depends on intercourse to release sexual tension so his devotion is selfish. Women tell men all the time, both verbally and by the way they behave, that they do not want sex as often as men do. But men don’t take any notice. This is how men must be, to fulfil their sexual role. It doesn’t make men bad people but it isn’t right either.
Consequently, a man is offended by sexual rejection regardless of any logic. Even if a woman has recently given birth, a man cannot accept that having a penis thrusting into the birth canal, could not possibly be pleasurable. A woman needs at least six weeks to recover from childbirth (longer if she had a Caesarean). Medical staff should support women by explaining the trauma of giving birth and recommending an abstinence from sex in the early days after childbirth. A woman is often coerced into offering intercourse simply because she empathises with a man’s apparent emotional need. Yet men appear incapable of empathising with women’s physical pain or discomfort.
A man’s desire to display his erect penis is usually limited to a partner. Most men learn that women dislike explicitly sexual phenomena. Men hide signs of their sex drive from women to avoid the embarrassment of women’s disgust. Most men prefer to be accepted by a woman in order to enjoy the best sexual pleasure and release. A few men enjoy pressing their erection against women in a crowded place or flashing their genitals to women in public. Women’s expressions of rejection are natural given that intercourse (from the perspective of the basic animal instinct) originates from a male assault. Pornography also portrays women shrieking or screaming, which can confuse some younger men who may assume that such behaviour reflects how real women experience arousal. Whether men heckle, flash or assault women, they seem satisfied with women’s reactions of disgust, anger or embarrassment. It does not deter them. A man is simply after a response.
Overall, men were more likely than women to be sexually active, report a good quality sex life, and be interested in sex. (Lindau and Gavrilova)