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Men & women’s perspectives on relationships

Sexuality is about a sexual relationship, which includes social, emotional and sexual aspects. Long-term committed relationships are vital to supporting families over the decades needed to raise children. Men focus on their sexual needs while women hope for affectionate companionship.

Sex education should present the different moral and social issues that are raised by different behaviours in as unbiased a way as possible. Sex education is about putting behaviours in context. Teenagers of both sexes should understand that consideration and respect of a partner’s feelings are paramount when they engage in sexual activity (especially intercourse).

Throughout human history men and women have faced death in very different situations. Men have died and witnessed the death of others in violent situations such as battles, rescue services, sport, hunting and other dangerous activities. Women most usually have died and witnessed the death of others in domestic situations such as childbirth and nursing the old and the sick (often children). So men and women have very different emotional responses because they are vulnerable in different situations.

Men’s willingness to support women in return for sex, makes it advantageous for a woman to offer sex. But sex does not satisfy women’s emotional needs. Women appreciate affection and evidence that a man is concerned for their welfare on an on-going basis. Men do not have the same instinct to demonstrate this kind of platonic affection towards those they love. Men most typically show affection when they feel gratitude after sex. We often expect a partner to put up with or accept behaviour that we would not accept from someone else. This is wrong. Naturally we hope for support but we should treat our lover better than others because we love them.

It’s not that men are incapable of platonic love. But men’s sex drive puts sex at the centre of their adult life. A man feels loved when his sexual needs are satisfied. The male dilemma is how to negotiate sexual opportunities. This relies on a partner’s amenability. Women have the opposite dilemma. They know a man wants regular sex and they feel under pressure to provide it. Marriage involves a man agreeing to limit his sexual opportunities in exchange for his wife offering him regular sex. Relationships are primarily for a woman’s benefit since they are needed to support family life.

Men grow up in a world where men have more power and money than women. Men assume that male superiority is the natural order of things. Most women are content with a dependent role that keeps them close to family. Topics that don’t interest men, such as relationships or family, men simply ignore. The fact that feminists are always trying to emulate men only serves to confirm men’s superiority. Men find it difficult to acknowledge that inevitably there must be some areas (such as relationships) where women surpass men. Yet men feel it is humiliating to learn from a woman. Men often lack natural instinct when it comes to relationships with women.

Here are some ideas:

  • Do you regularly ask your partner how she is? Do you take an interest in what is important to her?
  • What do you want from a relationship? What does your partner want? How do you balance these demands?
  • Where are you? At work, preoccupied, never present, not taking part? How can you contribute at home?
  • Do others respect you? Do you keep in shape, take care of yourself? When did you talk about issues, honesty etc.?

We have two sexes, which complement each other by being different. Men see their personal status as central to how others value them. They enjoy erotic fantasies and genital activity. A man is sexy because he is responsive. Women are emotional. They enjoy love and companionable activities. A woman is sexy because she makes effort to attract a man and fulfil his needs.

Most women only engage in sexual activity because they are in a relationship. Almost all of that activity is initiated and driven by their male partner. Women see lovemaking as a demonstration of a man’s love for a woman. Many women dislike the idea of any sexual activity outside a loving relationship. They do not understand the need for masturbation or other crude and explicit activities. Women do not have an arousal cycle (a reliable progression from arousal to orgasm) as men do. Women enjoy the emotions that arise from come from sharing affectionate companionship.

A man who wants a woman to enjoy sexual pleasure is equivalent to a woman who wants a man to wear a dress. By insisting that women enjoy sex as men do, men are showing their ignorance of men and women’s very different sexual roles. Women enjoy presenting themselves in ways that are attractive to men. A woman’s reproductive role is to attract a mate and subsequently facilitate male orgasm by offering intercourse. Women look for a man who can support a family rather than provide erotic turn-ons.

Work on yourself first so you can be an asset and not a liability in a relationship. (Stephan Labossiere 2018)