Children of both sexes are indifferent to genitals. They may be mildly curious but they consider genitals to be ugly and smelly parts of the body. At puberty, the increase in male responsiveness causes young men to be fascinated by genitals. For women the connotations from childhood continue into adulthood because women are not responsive as men are.
We say that a woman is sexy if she is attractive to men. It means that a man is aroused by her body or her behaviour. If a man compliments her, it is an opening for a woman to indicate her sexual amenability. A man isn’t sexy in the same way. As the initiator, he is assumed to be interested in having sex. Women provide turn-ons to obtain a man’s sexual interest or, more often, simply to enjoy being admired. Intercourse relies entirely on male arousal. Women do not need to be aroused to participate in intercourse and so their arousal plays no role in sexual relationships. There is no reason why a woman would be aroused by a penis. A man doesn’t have an instinctive interest in the clitoris either. His instincts motivate him to stimulate the vagina. He stimulates the clitoris because of the information he has been given, which implies that clitoral stimulation of any kind causes orgasm.
When a woman is taken by surprise by a strange man (a flasher) displaying his penis, she screams and runs away. This is clear evidence that women are not aroused by an erect penis. Women consider genitals of either sex to be ugly, hairy and smelly. They are clearly not aroused by them. Yet some women suggest that they are aroused by sexual anatomy just as men are. Female arousal serves no useful purpose with a lover. The purpose of male arousal is to make penetration possible. But a woman is never a penetrator.
Most heterosexual men would be interested in observing naked women if they could do so undetected. Men and women use different toilets because women feel uncomfortable thinking that a man might be masturbating himself while watching her relieve herself. Men who spy on women are called Peeping Toms. There is no female equivalent. Women consider this behaviour perverted. Women may be mildly curious to see male nudity if they feel safe from male advances. Men can enjoy watching a woman urinate because of the view of her genitals, which excites them because of the possibility of intercourse. Women are not easy to get into bed but male interest is often guaranteed. A woman has other criteria for choosing a lover.
With a lover, a woman has to engage on explicit genital stimulation with a fully conscious and unaroused mind. A woman experiences no mental arousal with a lover so such situations are social rather than erotic. There is no attraction for her in doing so. She feels the reverse. If she wants to pleasure a partner, a woman does so against her natural instincts. Apart from a woman’s desire to share intimacy (love for a partner), there is no reason why she should please her lover any more than a complete stranger.
Most women are embarrassed to name their genitals and sexual anatomy, often considering them to be dirty. Many women prefer to use an applicator to insert a tampon rather than a finger, to avoid having to touch their genitals. During childbirth a woman’s skin can tear from the vagina to the anus. Because of embarrassment women often fail to ensure that these tears are dealt with properly and that they heal satisfactorily. Older women often suffer from bowel and bladder incontinence as a result of childbirth damage. Not only are they too embarrassed to ask a lover to look for them but they are not even motivated to use a mirror to look at their own genitals. This aversion to genitals is inbuilt and not the result of upbringing or attitudes.
Men refer to the honeypot to reflect their enjoyment of the pleasure a vagina can provide. Women don’t have similar terms of endearment for the penis. It is sometimes called the one-eyed snake because of the opening to the ureter (where urine comes out) in the centre of the glans. Male lovers of men describe fellatio and male ejaculation enthusiastically in graphic terms. Women are repulsed rather than attracted to body function (noises and smells) as men are. Gay men use rimming, stimulating a lover’s anus with the tongue. Deep rimming involves inserting the tongue deep into a lover’s anus. Filching involves ejaculating into a lover’s rectum followed by sucking out and swallowing the semen. Women do not talk of equivalent turn-ons.
Men enjoy talking about pussy juices. Others are turned-on by the idea of a woman urinating. This may be where the male fantasy of female ejaculation comes from. Women are not similarly fascinated by a man’s ejaculation. After intercourse, a man’s ejaculate flows out of the woman’s vagina leaving a wet and sticky patch on the woman’s side of the bed. This is because it is typically the man who moves and puts himself on top of her. A woman has to run to the bathroom (cupping her hand to catch any drips) to wash her genitals. She takes no delight in this. It is merely a distasteful inconvenience.
Men are not aroused by breasts if they are nudists or live in cultures where women never cover their breasts. But when women cover their breasts, men come to associate them with sexual opportunities. Straight men can enjoy lesbian sex play because they are aroused by female nudity. If women were aroused as men are, they would comment openly on their appreciation of male nudity and create demand for images of male nudity rather than being offended by them. Male homosexual porn would be freely distributed. Men would also display their sexual attributes for women to enjoy as a turn-on.
But in all this quantity of pornographic production it is exceedingly difficult to find any material that has been produced by females. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)