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Men and women’s perspectives on relationships

Sexuality is about a sexual relationship, which includes social, emotional and sexual aspects. Long-term committed relationships are vital to supporting families over the decades needed to raise children. Men tend to focus on their sexual needs while most women hope for affectionate companionship.

Sex education should present the different moral and social issues that are raised by different behaviours in as unbiased a way as possible. Sex education is about putting behaviours in context. Teenagers of both sexes need to understand that consideration and respect for a partner are paramount when they engage in any kind of sociable sexual activity, especially penetrative sex.

Throughout human history men and women have faced death in very different situations. Men have died and witnessed the death of others in violent situations such as the military, rescue services, sport, hunting and other dangerous activities. Women more typically died and witnessed the death of others in domestic situations as a result of childbirth or when nursing the old and the sick (often their children). So men and women have different emotional responses because of the different risks they experience.

Relationships are a compromise. Someone has to flex and often this is a woman’s role. It is in men’s nature to push. It is in women’s nature to give way. But it shouldn’t always be this way. There is a tendency to expect a partner to put up with or accept behaviour that we would not accept from others. This is wrong. We should treat our lover better than others because we love them. A man demonstrates his love in a way that suits him, which is based primarily on sex. But sex does not satisfy women’s emotional needs.

A woman puts up with bad behaviour when she feels there is no choice. A man thinks that if he earns more money and says ‘I love you’ once in a while, a woman should be happy. Saying sorry is easy. A woman wants to see evidence that a man is concerned for her welfare on an on-going basis. A caring person loves all the time, not just when it suits them. They respond to, rather than ignore a lover. They avoid offending or upsetting their partner. They offer comfort. Men do not have the same instinct to demonstrate this kind of platonic affection towards those they love. This explains why lesbians have the most caring relationships of all. Of course, there is a spectrum of caring behaviours and personalities in both genders.

Men grow up in a world where men have more power and money than women. Men assume that male superiority is the natural order of things. Most women are content with a dependent role that keeps them close to family. Men simply ignore topics such as relationships or family, that don’t interest them. The fact that feminists are always trying to emulate men only serves to confirm men’s superiority. Men find it difficult to acknowledge that inevitably there must be some areas (such as relationships) where women surpass men. Yet men feel it is humiliating to learn from a woman. Men often lack any natural instinct when it comes to relationships with women.

Here are some ideas:

  • Do you regularly ask your partner how she is? Do you take an interest in what is important to her?
  • What do you want from a relationship? What does your partner want? How do you balance these demands?
  • Where are you? At work, preoccupied, never present, not taking part? How can you contribute to family life?
  • Do others respect you? Do you keep in shape, take care of yourself? When did you last talk about issues, such as honesty?

We have two sexes, which complement each other by being different. Men see their personal status as central to how others value them. They enjoy erotic fantasies and genital activity. A man is sexy because he is responsive. Women are emotional. They enjoy love and companionable activities. A woman is sexy because she makes effort to attract a man and fulfil his needs.

Most women only ever engage in sexual activity because they are in a relationship with a man. Almost all of that activity is initiated and driven by their male partner. Women see lovemaking as a demonstration of a man’s love for a woman. Many women dislike the idea of any sexual activity outside a loving relationship. They do not understand the need for masturbation or other crude and explicit activities. Women do not have an arousal cycle (a reliable progression from arousal to orgasm) as men do. Women enjoy the emotions that arise from sharing interests and affectionate companionship.

A man who wants a woman to enjoy sexual pleasure is equivalent to a woman who wants a man to wear a dress. Women enjoy presenting themselves in ways that are attractive to men. A woman’s reproductive role is to attract a mate and subsequently facilitate male orgasm by offering intercourse. Women look for a man to support a family rather than provide her with turn-ons and sexual pleasure. By insisting that women enjoy sex as men do, men are showing their ignorance of men and women’s different sexual roles. A woman can enjoy sensual and emotional pleasure with a loving partner. But a woman does not orgasm with a lover because of our reproductive biology. Orgasm occurs a result of releasing sexual tension but very few women are able to respond to eroticism in way that causes mental arousal.

Work on yourself first so you can be an asset and not a liability in a relationship. (Stephan Labossiere)