Orgasm is a subconscious response but we need to take conscious actions to achieve it. A responsive person knows when they have had an orgasm because they took specific and focused steps to get there. Arousal (and hence orgasm) relies on what happens in the mind. Some women assume they have an orgasm just by engaging in intercourse. So we need to consider the external signs and behaviours that indicate a person has had an orgasm.
The key evidence for orgasm is that we do not want the stimulation that caused the orgasm to continue. Sexual activity that is focused on the goal of orgasm, ends when orgasm is achieved. Typically we stop engaging in all sexual activity. This is why sex ends with a male orgasm but never with female orgasm. This is the clearest evidence that women do not orgasm with a lover. We know that women do not have orgasm as a goal because there is never a point at which they can no longer participate in sexual activity.
Achieving orgasm relies on a number of factors. The most critical issue is that an individual must have the necessary responsiveness. Responsiveness is a male characteristic. So men are much more likely to experience orgasm than women are. Further factors include a degree of privacy, a degree of confidence for men in the sociable situation and a relaxed state of mind.
A man can feel secure in a harem because he is the only male. Men fantasise about threesomes: sex with one man and two women. A man doesn’t want male competition. Foremost a man doesn’t want any interruptions until he has ejaculated. He may not want a partner to be distracted. Women want privacy because of embarrassment. Men need to recuperate before they can be aroused again. In a swinging situation, women can have more partners than men because they are not aroused and do not orgasm with a lover.
Achieving orgasm involves applying consistent stimulation until orgasm and then desisting. The time taken to achieve orgasm depends on various factors including our current state of arousal. But that period of stimulation cannot be determined in advance. You cannot set your watch and demand that someone reaches orgasm at an exact point in time. This makes it very unlikely that lovers can orgasm at the exact same moment as each other.
Specific anatomy is stimulated to achieve orgasm. This is because mental arousal causes tumescence in the genital region. If women experienced orgasm with a lover, the female turn-ons as well as the anatomy involved in orgasm would be common knowledge. The female anatomy that men stimulate is inconsistent because it reflects the anatomy that arouses men.
If we are aiming for orgasm, we want to control our own stimulation. We want to synchronise the stimulation of the phallus with what is happening in our heads to optimise the mental impact of orgasm (satisfaction obtained from sexual release). Achieving orgasm involves considerable effort. We experience an increase in heart rate and heavier breathing due to sexual excitement. For men, this effect is increased if they have engaged in vigorous intercourse for some time. Female arousal depends on mental concentration rather than physical effort. A woman may tense and hold her breath as she concentrates on her arousal, which adds to her breathlessness.
We do not experience the exact same sensations every time we orgasm. Sometimes the release is more satisfying than at other times. The most satisfying orgasms are those that involve some build up in erotic arousal and culminate in an orgasm that includes strong pelvic contractions, multiple waves of pleasure and a deep sense of release. Factors that affect orgasm quality include: our pent-up need for sexual release, our ability to achieve a mental focus on eroticism and factors such as our general state of well-being.
The feelings that accompany orgasm are unique and do not equate to any other experience. Arousal feels like excitement or anticipation. We feel a slight adrenaline rush. We hold our breath to concentrate on the feelings. Our mind is totally absorbed in what is happening. Orgasm is joyful. Orgasm ideally involves psychological stimuli (conscious erotic fantasy or a subconscious response to eroticism) combined with genital stimulation (of the tumescent sex organ: penis or clitoris) that culminate in a release of sexual tension (called an orgasm) followed by a pleasurable aftermath of orgasm including waves of post-climax echoes and sensations of lassitude.
After orgasm there is a sense of release and relaxation as the blood flows away from the penis and vulva. Men fall asleep after the exertions of intercourse. Women masturbate as a way of falling asleep. An orgasm is a release of sexual energy. Following sexual release, we feel sated. We have a similar feeling after eating a big meal but especially if we were very hungry beforehand. We also feel sleepy after a heavy meal. The effect is stronger for men because male orgasm is considerably stronger than female orgasm.
Erotic stimulation … effects a series of physiologic changes which … appear to involve adrenal secretion; … increased pulse rate; … a flow of blood into … the penis … and the clitoris; … often considerable loss of perceptive capacity; increase in nervous tension; some degree of frigidity in whole or part of the body at the moment of maximum tension and then a sudden release which produces local spasms or more extensive convulsions. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)