When talking about sex, adults often fail to take into account the very different experiences we have. We may also have very different responses to the same experience because of our different personalities. Nor it is acknowledged that the frequencies with which a woman is expected to be amenable to intercourse are related to her partner’s sex drive not her own.
Some men like to engage in foreplay. This male behaviour focuses on prolonging male arousal. Educated men look for a deeper emotional connection with a lover in their sex lives. A man who wants an engaged partner, puts more pressure on a woman because he expects a response of some kind or a performance. This make sex more onerous for a woman so she becomes less willing to invest the extended time in sexual activity.
One of the main justifications men have for insisting on regular sex with their wives, is their greater earning power. Many women who have children, feel obliged to keep a man happy while he is paying the bills. This is why men do not encourage women in the workplace. Women’s greater economic independence is not in men’s interests. This is evidence that men know they are asking for something that women don’t always want to give.
Nature never intended men to be monogamous. In every society men’s greater inclination for promiscuity is accepted as a natural and defining characteristic of male sexuality. A woman provides a man with sex because she knows that if she doesn’t, he will look for another woman. So women’s need for male support, has contributed to the high sex drive many men have today. Men are attracted to women regardless of anyone’s relationship status. Most men try to be faithful because they appreciate that sexual loyalty is important to women’s emotional need to feel loved and appreciated.
It would be nice if women had sex for love but it doesn’t always work like that. Sex becomes a chore that women feel obliged to provide in order to keep the family together. Many women today wait for their children to grow up before getting divorce. Men need to understand the huge investment that sex represents for a woman at a cost of her own emotional happiness.
If a man isn’t getting the sex he wants, then he has to change the balance of power. A man needs to back off for a while (for a month or two) and give his partner time to miss his interest in her. He needs to stop hassling for sex. He should wait until she wants him to notice her. A couple should put a ban on intercourse and focus on other forms of mutual pleasuring. Intercourse is good for two things: making babies and facilitating male orgasm. Intercourse should be used towards the end of lovemaking.
Sex occurs much more easily in the early stages of a relationship because being affectionate with each other provides the most natural lead-in to sex. First a woman offers some affectionate interaction by touching or kissing her lover. Her lover communicates his desire by kissing back with passion, by touching the woman with an increased focus on the erogenous zones and by indicating his own arousal by pressing his groin against her body.
A man thinks of sex as a conquest because most women are not easy to get into bed. Once a man has been accepted by a woman, he relies on her being more amenable than other women. Otherwise he would just go elsewhere. Instinctively a man knows that when a woman is emotionally attached to him, she is more likely to be amenable to sex than an unknown woman.
Men like to send women photos of their erect penis. Men assume that women will enjoy their erection as much as they do. But our experience of arousal and orgasm are personal to us. We can’t really share them with someone else. But because of his sex drive, a man wants to share his erection and his orgasm with a partner. Women call this behaviour sexual harassment unless they have accepted it as part of a committed relationship.
When women are angry with men, they threaten to chop off all appendages, meaning the penis. A man’s penis provides him with considerable pleasure. But to a woman, an erect penis is a demand for attention. She is expected to provide the sexual outlet a man needs. She may do this in return for a relationship. Women ensure that male genitals are censored (banned by law) and they also want to ban men from sending them so-called dick-pics. These images are easy for a man to send to any woman via a mobile phone. Women react to such images with anger and disgust. This reaction appears to have no effect on men’s desire to keep sending them. Sexual harassment laws are necessary because of men’s insensitivity to the female perspective.
A woman offers a man sex to be loved. She withholds sex when she is angry with him partly to punish him but also because sex is abhorrent to a woman when she is angry with a lover. Men never behave like this because, for them, sex is a commodity or a biological need to relieve sexual tension. At a certain level, sex can be purely functional for men, like relieving themselves. For women, sex is much more dependent on emotional factors.
To be fair women are also guilty because she does not feel confident or comfortable to say to her partner, “Hey, sex needs to be about what I want. And tonight it’s going to be an all-about-me-night; which means a full body massage and no intercourse. Next time we’ll focus on your fun.” (Trina Read 2014)