Nature never intended men to be monogamous. In every society men’s greater inclination for promiscuity is accepted as a natural and defining characteristic of male sexuality. A woman provides a man with sex because she knows that if she doesn’t, he will look for another woman. So women’s need for male support, has contributed to the high sex drive many men have today. Men are attracted to women regardless of anyone’s relationship status. Most men try to be faithful because they appreciate that sexual loyalty is important to women’s emotional need to feel loved and appreciated.
One of the main justifications men have for insisting on regular sex with their wives, is their greater earning power. Many women who have children, feel obliged to keep a man happy while he is paying the bills. This is why men do not encourage women in the workplace. Women’s greater economic independence is not in men’s interests. This is evidence that men know they are asking for something that women don’t always want to give.
To a woman, an erect penis is a demand for attention. She is expected to provide the sexual outlet a man needs. She may do this in return for a relationship. Women ensure that male genitals are censored (banned by law) and they also want to ban men from sending them so-called dick-pics. Men like to send women photos of their erect penis. These images are easy for a man to send to any woman via a mobile phone. Men assume that women take the same joy in their erection as they do. But our experience of arousal and orgasm are personal to us. We can’t really share them with someone else. But because of his sex drive, a man wants to share his erection and his orgasm with a partner. Women react to such images with anger and disgust. This reaction appears to have no effect on men’s desire to keep sending them. Women call this behaviour sexual harassment unless they have accepted it as part of a committed relationship. Sexual harassment laws are necessary because of men’s insensitivity to the female perspective.
A woman is expected to be amenable to intercourse with frequencies related to her partner’s sex drive. Yet a woman does not experience arousal on a daily basis. Even a responsive woman only experiences arousal on a sporadic basis when masturbating alone. But a woman does feel some emotional anticipation on approaching new romantic situations. She can enjoy thinking about the companionable time with her lover. She can anticipate being the object of her lover’s desire to penetrate her. A woman’s vanity responds to a man’s interest in knowing her personally. She can appreciate his desire to caress her body. She anticipates her pleasure in demonstrating affection towards him and having her affection reciprocated.
Initially a woman approaches sex through romance. She responds to a lover who demonstrates loving behaviours. But over time, a man stops providing these stimuli. Once a man has been accepted by a woman, he relies on her being more amenable than other women. Otherwise he would just go elsewhere. Instinctively a man knows that when a woman is emotionally attached to him, she is more likely to be amenable to sex than an unknown woman. Marital sex tends to fall into habitual sexual activity that lacks any romantic lead-in. Sex becomes much more functional based on a man’s need for regular intercourse. This creates a stark contrast for a woman. She may feel pressured to respond on an erotic level that she doesn’t experience in real life. A woman has to transport herself from the social world in which she lives and imagine herself in the erotic world in which men live.
A woman offers a man sex to be loved. She withholds sex when she is angry with him partly to punish him but also because sex is abhorrent to a woman when she is angry with a lover. Men never behave like this because, for them, sex is a commodity or a biological need to relieve sexual tension. At a certain level, sex can be purely functional for men, like relieving themselves. For women, sex is much more dependent on emotional factors.
If a man isn’t getting the sex he wants, then he has to change the balance of power. A man needs to back off for a while (for a month or two) and give his partner time to miss his interest in her. He needs to stop hassling for sex. He should wait until she wants him to notice her. He needs to focus on providing the companionship that she values. He needs to give her a good time by investing in interesting activities they can enjoy together. A couple should put a ban on intercourse and focus on other forms of mutual pleasuring. Intercourse is good for two things: making babies and facilitating male orgasm. Intercourse should be used towards the end of lovemaking.
Looking good is much less important to many heterosexual men. Their main concern in a sexual relationship is their ability to enjoy their erection. But a woman approaches sex with a focus on her whole body. She assumes a man may appreciate her skin, her breasts and her genitals. She feels on show to some degree and that her attractiveness is a vital part of a couple’s sex life. So if she feels out of shape, she may be less willing to offer sex. A man needs to feed a woman’s vanity by making her feel sexually attractive.
To be fair women are also guilty because she does not feel confident or comfortable to say to her partner, “Hey, sex needs to be about what I want. And tonight it’s going to be an all-about-me-night; which means a full body massage and no intercourse. Next time we’ll focus on your fun.” (Trina Read 2014)