Most men most of the time respect the fact that they only obtain intercourse from a woman when she feels amenable. If a man is angry with a woman, he may disregard the usual custom of waiting for her implicit consent. We say that he forces himself upon her. When a man does this, he does it knowing that she doesn’t want intercourse. He does it as an act of aggression towards a woman who is refusing to make herself sexually available to him.
In many developing countries, the age of legal maturity is set lower for girls than for boys. Without the benefit of an education and a job, women have little choice but to marry and have children. Girls as young as 10 or 12 are sold as wives to richer men who are in their forties or older. Young girls do not have the emotional development to form an attachment to a man. Even when they do, they need a man to return their love by being affectionate and considerate including how he approaches penetrative sex. When a child is crying, there can be no illusion that they are enjoying pleasure.
A man’s right to have intercourse with his wife, is enshrined in law and makes it often impossible for a woman to charge her husband with rape no matter how violent the act. No one protects these human rights. Just as no one, stops the sexual and physical abuse of children who are put into care in rich countries. One of the advantages of living in a so-called civilised society, is that it’s always someone else’s responsibility to make things right.
Men cannot understand the anger a woman feels at being penetrated against her will. There is physical damage: blood and pain. Women can be badly injured (rendered infertile) or even killed. More importantly there is the psychological violation of the victim’s ability to make their own choices. Rape is always an act of violation by a male because he has taken something the victim did not want to give. But it also forces a woman to potentially bear a man’s progeny. A victim of rape feels fear when they cannot defend themselves against a man’s unwanted sexual advances. They also feel humiliation and anger towards a person has brutally violated their body.
The fact that men drug women or get them drunk to obtain sex, does not lead an objective observer to conclude that enthusiasm for intercourse is shared equally between the sexes. Date rape is a conscious attempt by a man to have sex with a woman when she is incapacitated and so incapable of objecting, defending herself or even remembering what happened.
There is also sex without consent where the victim is either silent or ineffective in making their objections. They allow their abuser to insist on the goal of penetration because they are too embarrassed, intimidated or frightened to object. Many women claim rape after the event. They feel they were manoeuvred or pressured into having sex when they didn’t want it.
Rape and pillage have always been the spoils of war. But not every man will rape when given an opportunity. Rape involves an inability to empathise with the victim. Many men’s ability to objectivise a lover is not this extreme. Sex education has to explain these situations in black and white terms that everyone can understand. Men have a subconscious biological drive to want intercourse (regardless of the other person’s feelings). Women are often blamed for sexual assault by saying that they were ‘asking for it’ as if men have no choice. Most men are highly emotional when it comes to sex.
Women are rarely convicted of sexual crimes. Cases of rape by a woman are exceedingly rare. One woman forced a chained-up man to have sex with her. Other cases involved statutory rape, underage sex between teachers and students rather than forced intercourse. A man can easily immobilise a woman and keep her controlled using his body weight. Except for inflicting shame, a woman has nothing to gain by forcing herself on a man.
A man can easily subdue a woman but it is difficult (if not impossible) to force a man into intercourse against his will or when he is not erect. Male rape (by other men) is not so common that men take precautions against it. Men are raped within institutions such as prisons, boarding schools and the armed forces where men are incarcerated without women. Rape is defined as forced intercourse (vaginal, oral or anal penetration) by an offender.
Male rape is when a man is forced to receive anal intercourse from another man. The receiver can be homosexual or heterosexual. But within a consensual relationship a homosexual man can enjoy (without orgasm) being the receiver of anal sex with his lover. There is a similar confusion over vaginal intercourse. A woman is assumed to orgasm with a lover even though she may vehemently object to the same stimulation with a stranger.
A young man accused of rape suggested in his defence that he had assumed (from watching pornography) that women were supposed to scream. Most men recognise the signals that a woman gives out when she wants sex. She is smiling. The lead-in to sex is affectionate and mutual. During intercourse a woman cooperates. She is not resisting. Women are shown screaming in pornography as a turn-on. In real life women do not enjoy pain or violence.
If she’s too drunk, she can’t give you consent. Also, silence is not consent. What kind of creep tries to have sex with a girl who is so drunk that she doesn’t know what’s going on? (Alice Carter 2014)