Research indicates that single women are not nearly as promiscuous as single men. Most men engage in sexual activity, even if only masturbation, on a regular basis from adolescence to old age. Many women live quite happily without being sexually stimulated for weeks, months and even years.
Unlike a boy who finds many examples of others of his sex who enjoy eroticism, a responsive woman is completely isolated in her sexual experiences. She finds no other women who appear to share her enjoyment of erotic fantasies and masturbation. It’s as if her experience doesn’t exist. Women appear to universally accept the male view of their sexuality. But a responsive woman knows that all the suggestions for how women are supposed to orgasm with a lover, do not work. If she is brave enough to ask other women, they react with anger and defensiveness. They are offended that anyone should challenge their text-book experiences, which they hav been told they should have. They cannot explain how they achieve mental arousal or the anatomy and kind of stimulation that they need for orgasm.
When a responsive woman observes other women, she sees very little evidence for all this presumed female responsiveness. Women universally ensure that sexual references are avoided in their presence by showing their displeasure in non-verbal ways. A responsive woman sees older women’s expressions of disgust and younger women’s silence. She sees the superficial innuendo and bravado that a few women use to intimidate others. Despite all the bragging about orgasm, women’s behaviours do not provide any evidence of sexual responsiveness. Women talk about love and relationships. They never refer to erotic turn-ons. Women tend to be offended by any form of eroticism and never comment on sexual pleasure. They only talk about reproductive health, dating and relationship issues.
The key characteristic of an individual who has a low frequency (or non-existent) erotic response to sexual activity (typically women) is that they are sexually passive with a lover. Women do not focus on obtaining the physical stimulation they need for orgasm because they do not experience sexual arousal with a lover (so stimulation is pointless). Neither are women motivated to stimulate a lover explicitly (manually or orally) because they are not erotically aroused by real-world triggers such as a lover’s genitals.
The sudden increase in responsiveness that boys experience during adolescences changes their attitude towards genitals. Teenage boys develop an interest in their own genitals because of the pleasure of their own arousal. They are also fascinated with the genitals of people they are attracted to and with opportunities for penetrative sex. Girls do not experience this sudden increase in responsiveness, so women think of genitals as smelly and dirty because they are associated with toilet activities. The vagina is a moist orifice similar to the mouth. Before putting a penis in her mouth, a woman expects a man to wash it. This contrasts to intercourse, when she has little interest in a man’s hygiene. To women, the vagina is out of sight and out of mind.
Women provide male turn-ons, such as referring to their presumed arousal (as if women respond exactly like men), for various reasons. They provide turn-ons for fun, for ego (vanity), to obtain favours and to assist with male arousal (which speeds up sex and makes their job easier). If women were truly aroused, they would be motivated to enjoy their own turn-ons (as men do). Men, rather than search endlessly for the mysterious female anatomy that might cause orgasm, would routinely provide female erotic turn-ons.
When a woman provides fellatio or moves her hips during intercourse, a man may assume that her motivation for doing so is because she is aroused. In truth a woman does this to please her lover (or because she is paid). Alternatively, women can provide turn-ons such as faking their own arousal and orgasm. Women also wear attractive lingerie or engage in offering more explicit invitations. Some women (but by no means all) may allow a lover to stimulate them in various ways depending on what their lover finds arousing.
Women talk of their desire to display their bodies as being part of their sexuality. They are correct that is part of female sexuality but it is a passive behaviour. It has nothing to do with women achieving their own arousal and orgasm. The active response comes from a man responding to what he sees. The behaviour initiates male arousal and consequently intercourse.
Young women hope that a man can give them an orgasm because of the fiction spread by men hoping to get women into bed. Some women may enjoy using their bodies to give pleasure. Women obtain more pleasure from sensual touching rather than genital stimulation techniques. They hope a lover will engage in the more romantic (loving, affectionate and companionable) aspects of relationships. A woman’s top concern on having sex is not her own orgasm but that a man should care about her as a person.
Women can be openly affectionate, touching and kissing friends of either sex without any sexual implications. It is much more difficult for men to engage in the same kind of innocent intimacy because men typically have sexual motivations when making physical contact with other people. Women connect emotionally to people for significant periods of time.
“He’s just using me for sex,” we whine self-righteously. And what are we using him for? A wedding ring? His sperm? (Valerie Harris 2012)