The key characteristic of responsive individuals (men) is that they are motivated to stimulate their sex organ. Men are highly aroused by any opportunity to penetrate a body orifice. The male anatomy involved in male orgasm is very evident not only because men have erections when aroused. Men are motivated to stimulate their penis regardless of the sexual activity that they are involved in. Intercourse, fellatio and male masturbation all focus on the penis. A man can also enjoy anal stimulation but this does not typically lead to orgasm without simultaneous penile stimulation. Highly responsive individuals focus on their own arousal and orgasm. They do not engage in behaviours that involve providing erotic turn-ons for a lover.
A man’s interest in his penis comes from his regular sexual arousal. His interest in a lover’s genitals comes from his sex drive. A man’s instinct to initiate sexual activity with a lover by displaying his erect penis communicates his desire to be stimulated by engaging in penetrative sex. If a woman is unenthusiastic about intercourse or fellatio, a man feels rejected.
The precedent from Nature is clear. Male mammals fight for breeding rights. The female has little choice in the matter. A man needs to be aroused by his lover because he expects to orgasm from sex. A woman must choose a mate from those men who present themselves. Men enjoy the sensations of their own arousal. Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because doing so also causes arousal. Men enjoy sharing fantasies with a partner or a potential partner. Women do not do this. Female arousal has always been a mystery.
The male territorial instinct to mark out territory with glandular emissions motivates men to continue thrusting until ejaculation. Male mammals (much more than females) desire and offer oral stimulation of the genitals. A man’s sex drive motivates him to initiate intercourse, which (after the first time) is further positively reinforced by his experience of the pleasures of intercourse. Penetrative sex allows a man to obtain relief from sexual frustration, by releasing sexual tension. He can enjoy the physical gratification of thrusting and the ego of territorial conquest and dominance.
Frequency of masturbation is an indication of responsiveness. Male masturbation is much more common than female masturbation. Not every man masturbates but on average men masturbate much more frequently than women do. Masturbation frequencies are highest among men who become adolescent first. Around 99% of such men masturbate compared with 93% of men who reach adolescence later than the average (13 years old). Some young men masturbate many times a day, every day for years.
Most men experience orgasm throughout their lives. Whereas women can go months or even years without sexual activity. Typically women engage in sexual activity as a conscious behavioural response to male initiative.
Women are not offended that gay men are not attracted to them. So why do men assume that lesbians hate men? Men are looking for a partner who is amenable to be penetrated. They assume that any woman who doesn’t want intercourse must be frigid, a man hater or a lesbian. A man needs to be confident of having an erection before he wants to engage in sexual activity. He then assumes that his partner will be automatically amenable.
Men appreciate the physical: their own body, the body of a lover and physical interaction with a lover. Men are not motivated to spend significant amounts of time with those they love. They prefer following their own pursuits. They may only think of a partner when they need a sexual outlet. If a man only ever touches or kisses a woman because he wants to initiate sexual activity, she may come to resent the transparency of this behaviour.
Women want stability but men want their freedom. These two aims may conflict. Women do not need sex as men do. Neither does a variety of activities or partners have the same interest for women as it has for men. Some men appreciate a variety of lovers much more than others. If a man’s sex life is not meeting his expectations, he may want a more attractive partner or more adventurous pleasuring than his wife is willing to provide.
When a married man uses a prostitute, he can be shamed for cheating on his wife. Our society (women in particular) values sexual loyalty because of the need for men to support a family. But many men see sex as a simple pleasure rather than an activity to be limited to one person for life. In this respect women’s view of sex, as a token of commitment and monogamous love, prevails over the male view. This is probably the effect of boys being raised by women, who dominate in the home. Most men grow up accepting that men’s sexual needs are often considered to be offensive by women.
Not all men are promiscuous but most men are tempted by the idea of promiscuity. For a man, intercourse with an attractive woman is not a misdemeanour. It is just Nature taking its course. When a man is aroused by a woman, he also experiences an urge to penetrate her. Men are bound by the unspoken implicit terms of marriage. A woman provides a man with regular intercourse in exchange for his sexual loyalty. This loyalty reduces the risk that he will be tempted to divert his earnings away from the family.
The idea of ‘no-strings attached’ sex is very attractive to most men, gay or straight. (George Michael 2012)