As a boy grows into a man, he sees men bragging about their assumed success in providing a woman with sexual pleasure. He sees men comparing notes on the sexual attributes they appreciate in a lover. He sees issues arising because of voyeurs, peeping Toms, men who assault and rape women. He can identify with these behaviours because of the urges he experiences. The evidence for male responsiveness is very clearly available in society. So a man does not feel isolated or alone in his sexual experiences.
But women comment on the crudeness of male sexual urges. A boy can observe how women behave very differently. He notices that his older female relatives (including his mother) may be outspoken about their dislike of eroticism. He sees his younger female relatives (also his sisters) being silent and modest about sex. He can see many women in the population who object to flashers, to men groping them, to men pressing their erections against them in the bus or subway. But confusingly he also sees images of women in more appealing situations (such as pornography) who are apparently just as enthusiastic as men are about sexual activity with a lover.
The precedent from Nature is clear. Male mammals are often solitary. They fight other males for breeding rights and they engage with females primarily to mate. The female has little choice in the matter. Men enjoy talking about turn-ons because doing so also causes arousal. Men enjoy the sensations of their own arousal. Men enjoy sharing fantasies with a partner or a potential partner. Women do not do this. Female arousal has always been a mystery. Men do not boast about achieving orgasm, which ends the pleasure they enjoy from thrusting into a body orifice. Some men like to delay ejaculation with a lover for as long as possible in order to enjoy the sensations of intercourse. Others (especially younger men) approach sex more strongly focused on ejaculating as a means of releasing accumulated sexual tension.
The male territorial instinct to mark out territory with glandular emissions motivates men to continue thrusting until ejaculation. Male mammals (much more than females) desire and offer oral stimulation of the genitals. A man’s sex drive motivates him to initiate intercourse, which (after the first time) is further positively reinforced by his experience of the pleasures of intercourse. Penetrative sex allows a man to obtain relief from sexual frustration, by releasing sexual tension. He can enjoy the physical gratification of thrusting and the ego of territorial conquest and dominance.
A man’s interest in his penis comes from his regular sexual arousal. His interest in a lover’s genitals comes from his sex drive. A man’s instinct to initiate sexual activity with a lover by displaying his erect penis communicates his desire to be stimulated by engaging in penetrative sex.
The key characteristic of responsive individuals (men) is that they are motivated to stimulate their sex organ. Men are highly aroused by any opportunity to penetrate a body orifice. The male anatomy involved in male orgasm is very evident not only because men have erections when aroused. Men are motivated to stimulate their penis regardless of the sexual activity that they are involved in. Intercourse, fellatio and male masturbation all focus on the penis. A man can also enjoy anal stimulation but this does not typically lead to orgasm without simultaneous penile stimulation.
Highly responsive individuals focus on their own arousal and orgasm. They do not engage in behaviours that involve providing erotic turn-ons for a lover. Not all men are promiscuous but most men are tempted by promiscuity. But many men see sex as a simple pleasure rather than an activity to be limited to one person for life. For a man, intercourse with an attractive woman is not a misdemeanour. It is just Nature taking its course.
Frequency of masturbation is an indication of responsiveness. Male masturbation is much more common than female masturbation. Not every man masturbates but on average men masturbate much more frequently than women do. Masturbation frequencies are highest among men who become adolescent first. Around 99% of such men masturbate compared with 93% of men who reach adolescence later than the average (13 years old). Some young men masturbate many times a day, every day for years.
Women are not offended that gay men are not attracted to them. So why do men assume that lesbians hate men? Men are looking for a partner who is amenable to be penetrated. They assume that any woman who doesn’t want intercourse must be frigid, a man hater or a lesbian. A man needs to be confident of having an erection before he wants to engage in sexual activity. He then assumes that his partner will be automatically amenable.
Men appreciate the physical: their own body, the body of a lover and physical interaction with a lover. Men are not motivated to spend significant amounts of time with those they love. They prefer following their own pursuits. They may only think of a partner when they need a sexual outlet. If a man only ever touches or kisses a woman because he wants to initiate sexual activity, she may come to resent the transparency of this behaviour.
The idea of ‘no-strings attached’ sex is very attractive to most men, gay or straight. (George Michael 2012)