I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I promote enjoyment of eroticism, sexual pleasuring and caring behaviours. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. Please feel free to contact me with your comments! I don’t call myself a feminist. I believe that men and women have a right to equal respect. Neither do I think of myself as a sexologist. I call myself a sex writer because I write in the detail necessary to facilitate an understanding of various sexual issues. I give those who are interested the opportunity to read and think about the consequences of what I am saying.
I have been accused of setting myself up as an authority on sexuality. If I am an authority, it is only because no one else is willing to be explicit. People are offended because I am motivated to discuss a topic that most people cannot. Personally, I think my ability is a result of dedicated hard work. I make my work freely available via my websites to reach as many people as possible. My books are for those who want a hard copy for some reason. People are unaware of their ignorance. They lack confidence in their own experiences because of the persuasiveness of erotic fiction. Some people use bravado to capitalise on this ignorance, which makes it even more difficult others to speak up. We are all afraid of being made to look foolish.
I am not surprised that people find it difficult to accept what I am saying. We are all so indoctrinated with the erotic fiction version of sexuality that the truth is a shock to say the least. But what does amaze me is that people think that their inability to discuss the topic in a rational way indicates that they are correct. They seem to think that their beliefs (based on ignorance) are 100% correct and can never be questioned. This is more like a religion than science. Science is always moving forward. Science is about having the humility to learn, which includes accepting that the status quo is incomplete. Few people have this ability to question and to accept facts when it comes to sexual beliefs. It is this universal silence over sex that I am challenging.
Above all I advocate tolerance. It is natural that people object to what I am saying because I am challenging sexual ignorance. But they cannot formulate a meaningful response. An uninformed but vocal minority enjoys being unpleasant. They have opinions rather than explanations. They object to any discussion that challenges their beliefs, not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning, but because they are reassured by their beliefs. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise.
When a topic is political, people engage in persuasive arguments and use emotional pressure to coerce others. But they do it surreptitiously. They don’t confront issues head on. They heckle from the side lines or ignore counter arguments. The politically astute don’t declare their case. They rely on the fact that people don’t listen well. Few people have the interest or the time for the topic. No one notices that pertinent questions go unanswered.
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t appreciate how rare female orgasm must be. Over time I realised that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions.
In a world full of manipulation and deceit, someone has to be brave enough to ignore the taboo and speak out on behalf of others. My anger over how I have been treated has fuelled my motivation to help others. I have been infuriated by the sexual ignorance of people who promote fictitious female orgasms, which cause many other people so much frustration and distress. I call them porno orgasms because they only exist in pornography and male fantasies. Other women cannot explain these orgasms they think they should have. My conclusion is that they do not exist. I explain why the stimulation women wait for men to supply cannot possibly result in orgasm. Naturally men find this difficult to accept. What has been much more shocking is the realisation that most women have no idea what I am talking about. Female orgasm cannot be as common as we would like to believe.
My research involves reconciling the research findings with the biological precedents and with sexual behaviours. I explain in explicit detail how I achieve orgasm alone and how I enjoy sexual pleasuring with a lover. I also discuss the bravado, sexual politics and misconceptions from erotic fiction. My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings.
Female orgasm is a unique gift from Nature but it often feels more like a curse because of ignorance over how it is achieved. When we have an experience, especially such a personal one like orgasm, we assume that everyone else must have the same experience. I know that my experience is not unique because of the research highlighting the link between the clitoris and female orgasm. I have also been able to draw parallels between the male experience and my own. But understandably few people can accept an experience that appears to be so rare in the population. So I provide explicit detail, together with the research to support my experience.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)