I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I have spent more than 20 years of my life actively researching sexuality. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. My work is available for free on the internet to allow for the widest possible audience. Please feel free to contact me!
Sex is an awkward topic but it is not beyond the wit of man (or even woman) to discuss it in an honest and objective manner. Why then does no one in a professional capacity come forward to discuss the topic? The answer is clear. They are not interested in establishing facts or logical conclusions. They are simply promoting a view of sexuality that suits their own ends. This typically involves making money by suggesting fantasy equals reality.
When a topic is political, people engage in persuasive arguments and use emotional pressure to coerce others. But they do it surreptitiously. They don’t confront issues head on. They heckle from the side lines or ignore counter arguments. The politically astute don’t declare their case. They rely on the fact that people don’t listen well. Few people have the interest or the time for the topic. No one notices that pertinent questions go unanswered.
People (of both sexes) are embarrassed to talk about sex because it is political. They allow their emotions to dominate. Both ignorance of the facts and a determination to believe the impossible dominate their thinking. But they cannot explain themselves. They have opinions but they have no appreciation of the need to have research findings to support their beliefs.
Emotional beliefs arise when we substitute our own personal opinions for a lack of knowledge and understanding. Once we have formed these beliefs, we tend to hold onto them regardless of any contrary evidence. Emotional beliefs cannot be supported by any facts nor can they be explained by logic.
This is not because people lack the intellectual skills but because their beliefs comfort them. Even in the face of research findings, they cannot be convinced to abandon them. They object to any discussion that questions their beliefs, not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning, but simply because being challenged makes them feel uncomfortable. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise.
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t appreciate how rare female orgasm must be. Over time I realised that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions. In a world full of manipulation and deceit, someone has to be brave enough to ignore the taboo and speak out on behalf of others. Few people seem able to discuss sexuality dispassionately. I am not afraid to confront the bullies and those who are so confident in their sexual ignorance. My anger over how I have been treated has fuelled my motivation to help others.
I have found that neither intercourse nor cunnilingus cause orgasm. I have never been able to masturbate to orgasm with a lover and a vibrator does nothing for me. I can explain why the orgasm techniques we assume women use with a lover cannot possibly result in orgasm. I know this not only because of my own experience but also because other women cannot explain these orgasms they think they are supposed to have. Naturally men find this difficult to accept. But what has been much more shocking to me is the realisation that most women have no idea what I am talking about. Female orgasm cannot be as easy as fictional media would have us believe.
My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings. I present the facts and logic together with the research findings. I am not forcing my conclusions onto anyone. My work is available via the internet for free to those who value it. Anyone can draw their own conclusions and take away whatever information they find helpful. A person needs to be willing to contemplate new ideas with an open mind. I try to bring some common sense and logic to the discussion of sex and sexuality. I talk specifically about responsiveness as well as how and when women orgasm. I am challenging the sex advice given to women, which I believe is wrong.
I present the precedents for responsiveness, explanations for men and women’s behaviours together with a discussion of why the research findings have been misinterpreted. Kinsey’s work especially is a legacy we should treasure. Nothing has replaced the wealth of statistics and conclusions from his work. This is a loss that my work attempts to put right. One day I hope our society will be motivated to continue his work as he intended to ensure that future generations have access to factual and logical sex information.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)