I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I have spent more than 20 years of my life actively researching sexuality. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. My work is available for free on the internet to allow for the widest possible audience. Please feel free to contact me!
I don’t call myself a feminist. I do believe that men and women have a right to equal respect. I promote enjoyment of eroticism, sexual pleasuring and caring behaviours. Above all I am advocating tolerance. So many people have political motivations, involving opinions rather than facts or logic. They assert equality in all things regardless of any evidence to the contrary.
Neither do I think of myself of a sexologist. Sexologists are political activists, who promote the male perspective that every adult should be capable of enjoying sexual pleasure. I call myself a sex writer because I write about sexuality in the explicit detail necessary if we are to start understanding some of the issues involved. By writing, I give those who are interested the opportunity to read and consider the consequences of what I am saying.
People (of both sexes) are embarrassed to talk about sex because it is political. They allow their emotions to dominate. Both ignorance of the facts and a determination to believe the impossible dominate their thinking. But they cannot explain themselves. They have opinions but they have no appreciation of the need to have research findings to support their beliefs.
This is not necessarily because people lack the intellectual skills but because they are comforted by their emotional beliefs. Even when faced with research findings, they cannot abandon them. They object to any discussion that challenges their beliefs, not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning, but because being challenged makes them feel uncomfortable. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise.
When a topic is political, people engage in persuasive arguments and use emotional pressure to coerce others. But they do it surreptitiously. They don’t confront issues head on. They heckle from the side lines or ignore counter arguments. The politically astute don’t declare their case. They rely on the fact that people don’t listen well. Few people have the interest or the time for the topic. No one notices that pertinent questions go unanswered.
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t appreciate how rare female orgasm must be. Over time I realised that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions. In a world full of manipulation and deceit, someone has to be brave enough to ignore the taboo and speak out on behalf of others. My anger over how I have been treated has fuelled my motivation to help others. I have been infuriated by the fictitious orgasms women are supposed to experience. Sexual ignorance causes so many people so much frustration and distress.
Female orgasm is a unique gift from Nature but it often feels more like a curse because of society’s ignorance about how it is achieved. A responsive woman knows that there is something badly wrong with how society portrays female sexuality because she has the experience of orgasm from masturbation. I call them porno orgasms because they only exist in pornography and men’s imagination. I explain why the techniques we assume women use with a lover cannot possibly result in orgasm. I know this not only because of my own experience but also because other women cannot explain these orgasms they think they should have. Naturally men find this difficult to accept. But what has been much more shocking to me is the realisation that most women have no idea what I am talking about. Female orgasm cannot be as easy as fictional media would have us believe.
My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings. I present the facts and logic together with the research findings. I am not forcing my conclusions onto anyone. My work is available via the internet for free to those who value it. Anyone can draw their own conclusions and take away whatever information they find helpful. A person needs to be willing to contemplate new ideas with an open mind. I try to bring some common sense and logic to the discussion of sex and sexuality. I talk specifically about responsiveness as well as how and when women orgasm. I am challenging the sex advice given to women, which I believe is wrong.
I present the precedents for responsiveness, explanations for men and women’s behaviours together with a discussion of why the research findings have been misinterpreted. Kinsey’s work is a legacy we should treasure. Nothing has replaced the wealth of statistics and conclusions from his work. This is a loss that my work attempts to put right. One day I hope our society will be motivated to continue his work as he intended to ensure that future generations have access to factual and logical sex information.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)