I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I promote enjoyment of eroticism, sexual pleasuring and caring behaviours. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. Please feel free to contact me with your comments! I don’t call myself a feminist. I believe that men and women have a right to equal respect. Neither do I think of myself as a sexologist. I call myself a sex writer because I write in the detail necessary to facilitate an understanding of various sexual issues. I give those who are interested the opportunity to read and think about the consequences of what I am saying.
I have been accused of setting myself up as an authority on sexuality. If I am an authority, it is only because no one else is willing to be explicit. People are offended because I can discuss a topic that most people cannot. Personally, I think my ability is a result of dedicated hard work. I make my work freely available via my websites to reach as many people as possible. My books are for those who want a hard copy. People are unaware of their ignorance. They lack confidence in their own experiences because of the persuasiveness of erotic fiction. Some people use bravado to capitalise on this ignorance, which makes it even more difficult others to speak up.
Given the need for maturity of sexual experience, anyone who wants to contribute to our understanding of sexuality only has a few decades in which to do so. The opposition consists of millions of sources of porn with millions of devoted male followers. The battle is huge and endless. No doubt many people object to my directness. I don’t have time to be subtle. I state the facts and logic clearly for all to see in contrast to the lack of the same for the fantasies that are so heavily and widely promoted. This constant propaganda means that any common sense on the topic is guaranteed to be shocking.
A topic does not go away, just because no one talks about it. I am challenging the universal silence over sex. Some people object when sex is even mentioned. Others have issues and questions. Few people have the ability to question and to accept facts when it comes to sexual beliefs. Sexologists promote their theories about female orgasm (taken straight from erotic fiction) much the same as others promote religious beliefs that rely on an unquestioning faith. These beliefs are not backed by any research findings. Science is always moving forward. A true scientist accepts that the status quo is incomplete and has the humility to learn. We don’t know everything.
It is natural that people object to what I am saying because I am challenging the ignorance. But they cannot formulate a meaningful response. Above all I advocate tolerance. An uninformed but vocal minority enjoys being unpleasant. They have opinions rather than explanations. They object to any discussion that challenges their beliefs, not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning, but because their beliefs reassure them. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise. When a topic is political, people engage in persuasive arguments and use emotional pressure to coerce others. But they do it surreptitiously. They don’t confront issues head on. They heckle from the side lines or ignore counter arguments. The politically astute don’t declare their case. They rely on the fact that people don’t listen well. No one notices that pertinent questions go unanswered.
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t appreciate how rare female orgasm must be. Over time I realised that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions.
In a world full of manipulation and deceit, someone has to ignore the taboo and speak out on behalf of others. My anger over how I have been treated has fuelled my motivation to help others. I have been infuriated by the promotion of fictitious porno orgasms (based on pornography and male fantasies) that cause so much distress. I am pointing out that these scenarios are simply not realistic. Even men cannot orgasm in these ways. We need stimulation to continue until orgasm is achieved and not beyond. But men want to believe (beyond all logic) that women orgasm from the stimulation that they provide. Women have no idea what orgasm involves. If women were aroused, they would not wait for a lover to supply the stimulation they need for orgasm. We discuss female orgasm because it is elusive with a lover.
My research involves reconciling the research findings with the biological precedents and with sexual behaviours. I explain in explicit detail how I achieve orgasm alone and how I enjoy sexual pleasuring with a lover. I also discuss the bravado, sexual politics and misconceptions from erotic fiction. My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings.
Female orgasm is a gift but it feels more like a curse because of the sexual ignorance. When we have an experience, especially such a personal one, we assume that everyone has the same experience. I know that my experience is not unique because of the research highlighting the link between the clitoris and female orgasm. I have also been able to draw parallels between the male experience and my own. But understandably few people can accept an experience that appears to be so rare in the population. So I provide explicit detail, together with the research to support my experience.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)