I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I have spent more than 20 years of my life actively researching sexuality. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. My work is available for free on the internet to allow for the widest possible audience. Please feel free to contact me!
People (of both sexes) are embarrassed to talk about sex because it is political. They allow their emotions to dominate. Both ignorance of the facts and a determination to believe the impossible dominate their thinking. But they cannot explain themselves. They have opinions but they have no appreciations of the need to have research findings to support their beliefs.
Some women on the web and in society refer to masturbation to be fashionable but they have no interest in discussing explicit details. Women consider such detail to be perverted and yet our arousal is caused by the explicitness. By refusing to give details, women defend their ignorance. Men never remark on this female modesty over sexual phenomenon.
Emotional beliefs arise when we substitute our own personal opinions for a lack of knowledge and understanding. Once we have formed these beliefs we tend to hold onto them regardless of any contrary evidence. Emotional beliefs cannot be supported by any facts nor can they be explained by logic.
This is not because people lack the intellectual skills but because their beliefs comfort them. Even in the face of research findings, they cannot be convinced to abandon them. They object to any discussion that questions their beliefs not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning but simply because being challenged makes them feel uncomfortable. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise.
When a topic is political, people engage in persuasive arguments and bring emotional pressure to bear to coerce others. But they do it surreptitiously. They don’t come out and declare the facts of their case. The politically astute don’t confront issues head on. They heckle from the side lines or ignore any logical or factual counter arguments. They rely on the fact that people don’t listen very well. Few people have the interest or the time for the topic. No one seems to notice that pertinent questions go unanswered.
In a world full of manipulation and deceit, someone has to be brave enough to ignore the taboo and speak out on behalf of others. Few people seem able to discuss sexuality dispassionately. I am not afraid to confront the bullies and those who are so confident in their sexual ignorance. My anger over how I have been treated has fuelled my motivation to help others.
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t realise how rare female orgasm must be. I came to realise that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions.
I present the precedents for responsiveness, explanations for men and women’s behaviours together with a discussion of the misinterpretation of the research findings. Kinsey’s work especially is a legacy we should treasure. Nothing has replaced the wealth of statistics and conclusions from his work. This is a loss that my work attempts to put right. One day I hope our society will be motivated to continue his work as he intended to ensure that future generations have access to factual and logical sex information.
I present the facts and logic together with the research findings. But I am not trying to force my conclusions onto anyone. My work is available via the internet for free to those who value it. Anyone can draw their own conclusions and take away whatever information they find helpful. But a person needs to be willing to contemplate new ideas with an open mind.
I try to bring some common sense and logic to the discussion of sex and sexuality. I talk specifically about responsiveness as well as how and when women orgasm. My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings. As a result, I am challenging the sex information that is currently provided to women, which I believe is wrong.
I have found that neither intercourse nor cunnilingus cause orgasm. I have never been able to masturbate to orgasm with a lover and a vibrator does nothing for me. I can vouch for the fact that the many ways in which women are supposed to orgasm with a lover are complete fiction. I know this not only because of my own experience but also because other women cannot account for the orgasms they think they are supposed to have.
I can explain why the orgasm techniques we assume women use with a lover cannot possibly result in orgasm. Naturally men find this difficult to accept. But what has been much more shocking to me is the realisation that most women have no idea what I am talking about. Female orgasm cannot be nearly as common as fictional media would lead us to believe.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)