I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I have spent more than 20 years actively researching sexuality. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. Please feel free to contact me with your comments!
I don’t call myself a feminist. I do believe that men and women have a right to equal respect. I promote enjoyment of eroticism, sexual pleasuring and caring behaviours. Above all I am advocating tolerance. So many people have political motivations, involving opinions rather than facts or logic. They assert equality in all things regardless of any evidence to the contrary.
Neither do I think of myself of a sexologist. Sexologists appear to be intent on promoting the male perspective that every adult should be capable of enjoying sexual pleasure. I call myself a sex writer because I write about sexuality in the necessary detail that make it possible for us to start understanding sexual issues. By writing, I give those who are interested the opportunity to read and think about the consequences of what I am saying.
A key difficulty with providing sex education is that most people, capable of understanding the topic, never comment. But there is an uninformed and highly vocal minority who enjoy being unpleasant. These people claim to be happy with their sexual experiences. Yet they set out to prevent those, who are not so lucky, from finding answers. They have nothing constructive to say. They are just intent on being obstructive. There is no justification for their behaviour. It is simply one of the more negative sides of human nature.
Ignorance of any facts and a determination to believe the impossible dominate their thinking. They have only personal opinions rather than explanations. This is not necessarily because they lack the intellectual skills but because people are comforted by their emotional beliefs. They object to any discussion that challenges these beliefs, not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning, but because being challenged upsets them. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise.
When a topic is political, people engage in persuasive arguments and use emotional pressure to coerce others. But they do it surreptitiously. They don’t confront issues head on. They heckle from the side lines or ignore counter arguments. The politically astute don’t declare their case. They rely on the fact that people don’t listen well. Few people have the interest or the time for the topic. No one notices that pertinent questions go unanswered.
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t appreciate how rare female orgasm must be. Over time I realised that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions. In a world full of manipulation and deceit, someone has to be brave enough to ignore the taboo and speak out on behalf of others. My anger over how I have been treated has fuelled my motivation to help others. I have been infuriated by the sexual ignorance of people who promote fictitious female orgasms, which cause many other people so much frustration and distress.
My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings. I call them porno orgasms because they only exist in pornography and male fantasies. Other women cannot explain these orgasms they think they should have. My conclusion is that they do not exist. I explain why the stimulation women wait for men to supply cannot possibly result in orgasm. Naturally men find this difficult to accept. What has been much more shocking is the realisation that most women have no idea what I am talking about. Female orgasm cannot be as common as we would like to believe.
Female orgasm is a unique gift from Nature but it often feels more like a curse because of ignorance over how it is achieved. When we have an experience, especially such a personal one like orgasm, we assume that everyone else must have the same experience. I know that my experience is not unique because of the research highlighting the link between the clitoris and female orgasm. I have also been able to draw parallels between the male experience and my own. But understandably few people can accept an experience that appears to be so rare in the population. So I provide explicit detail, together with the research to support my experience.
I try to bring some common sense and logic to the discussion of sexuality. Specifically, I am challenging the sex advice given to women, which I believe is wrong. I am not forcing my conclusions onto anyone. A person needs to be willing to contemplate new ideas with an open mind. I have to compete with millions of sources of porn. Kinsey’s work is a legacy we should treasure. Nothing has replaced the wealth of insightful statistics and logical conclusions from his work. This is a loss that my work attempts to put right. One day I hope our society will be motivated to continue his work to ensure that future generations have access to factual and logical sex information.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)