Learn About Sexuality

Women orgasm only in specific circumstances

Male masturbation acts as a safety valve for men’s sex drive. But a woman has no conscious awareness of needing sexual release. A woman does not have the benefit of the external triggers that cause male arousal before men even start on stimulation. A woman has to generate sufficient arousal for orgasm out of nothing. A woman masturbates purely to enjoy orgasm.

When little girls masturbate, they lie face down with their hands between their legs and thrust with their hips. This is the instinctive mammalian thrusting action of the male in the mating act. This is similar to when a male dog humps someone’s leg. But there is a difference. The male dog is responding to an urge that is motivated by his drive to ejaculate into a female’s body. We can say that his behaviour is focused. If he had the opportunity he would engage in mating for real. A girl can never have this opportunity. A girl’s behaviour is a subconscious reflex that is a hangover from how our anatomy evolved. Her behaviour is unfocused. She cannot penetrate anyone so she can never be the penetrator in the mating act. Little girls do not orgasm because women’s sexual fantasies rely on adult themes.

When a woman masturbates in some other position, she is not responding to any sexual instinct. She is consciously deciding to stimulate herself because she feels that she should or because she hopes to discover orgasm by self-stimulation. She is not motivated by a natural response to an erotic fantasy. So she bases her actions on images in porn or accounts from erotic fiction. Unfortunately, these accounts are based on what arouses a man rather than being a reflection of how a woman truly achieves orgasm. For a responsive woman, the motivation to thrust comes from the mental arousal of using fantasy that causes tumescence of the clitoral organ.

The actions of masturbation are subconsciously done and result from a primitive thrusting instinct. The body responds to what is happening in the mind. If a woman’s body is capable of orgasm, the clitoral organ responds. She can feel a sense of excitement as blood flows to the genitals in response to what she is thinking about. The clitoral organ becomes more sensitive to stimulation and provides an erotic feedback loop via her fingers.

Men’s high arousal (especially when with a lover) means that they can be much more flexible in the techniques they use to orgasm. A woman’s masturbation technique is not limited by a lack of imagination or willingness to try other approaches. A woman learns from experience that orgasm is achieved with difficulty. She can only achieve it by using a specific technique that facilitates an intense focus on mental fantasy. She also needs to thrust with her hips and use a squeeze technique on the clitoral organ (by massaging with her fingers and using her pelvic muscles).

Men achieve orgasm through masturbation much more quickly than a woman does. This is because men are aroused at the start of any sexual activity. The clitoris does not respond to stimulation except in specific circumstances. A woman needs to know how to become mentally aroused enough to achieve orgasm. She needs an environment of absolute privacy so that she can achieve arousal by using an intense focus on fantasy.

Women’s masturbation techniques are much less flexible than a man’s. She cannot orgasm with a lover or with an audience of any kind. Neither does a woman observe herself during the performance. If she is aiming for orgasm, a woman needs to eliminate distractions and block out the physical world to focus on the sensations within her body. A woman shuts her eyes to focus on achieving the mental arousal that she needs to reach orgasm.

When a man engages in intercourse, he clenches his buttocks as he thrusts. This is because he is thrusting into the body of another person. The thrust of his pelvic comes up against a firm obstacle in the form of a lover’s body. He can thrust only to a certain point that is defined by the length of his penis. When a woman masturbates, her fingers substitute for the ‘stop’ of a lover’s body. This mimics the effect a man has when thrusting into a body, of coming up against a firm stop point. There is a satisfaction in pressing the sex organ up against something firm just as orgasm is reached.

A woman achieves orgasm when her mind is at a peak of arousal. She synchronises this mental arousal with both internal and external pressure on the clitoris. Using fantasy produces a sense of release including an increased heart-beat and heavy breathing culminating in waves of relaxation. There is a sense of release followed by lassitude. After orgasm a woman’s vulva remains swollen. Post-orgasm the area alongside her labia is pleasurable to touch and her clitoris has a tiny blip of sensitivity.

The concentration of stimulation on the clitoris and labia minora in masturbation is a demonstration of the fact that they are the portions of the genitalia which are best supplied with end organs of touch. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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