Learn About Sexuality

Women orgasm only in specific circumstances

Men’s sexuality is straightforward in the sense that they get turned-on, they stimulate their penis and mostly they orgasm. Men can masturbate regardless of whether they stand, sit or lie down. They orgasm from oral sex, intercourse etc. Women’s sexuality is not nearly as flexible as far as orgasm is concerned. The assumption that women should be as capable of orgasm with a lover as men are has caused the modern faking phenomenon.

Ironically this has occurred as a direct result of the information provided by the researchers themselves. Researchers have not appreciated the limited nature of female orgasm. Both Alfred Kinsey, and later Shere Hite, noted that women use clitoral stimulation when alone and also during sexual activity with another woman. They concluded that women should be capable of orgasm with a man if they were to use clitoral stimulation.

They did not ask themselves why heterosexual couples had failed to discover the clitoris. Neither did they ask why women themselves are so unaware of the clitoris. They failed to appreciate that lesbians (as do other women) confuse sensual and emotional sensations with orgasm. The anatomy involved in orgasm is a red herring. The real issue is the psychological arousal that causes a person to stimulate their sex organ.

The initial catalyst for masturbation is the thought appearing in a woman’s mind that orgasm might be nice. Next she tests whether her subconscious mind is aroused. One of the first signs of arousal for a woman is a very slight genital response to thinking about an erotic scenario. There is a sense of excitement, an increase in heart-rate or breathing. When she stimulates her clitoris she may feel a slight tingling sensation. Mentally she is able to find aspects of sexual scenarios inherently appealing. If she is not ‘in the mood’ then achieving orgasm seems too much effort. Fantasies that would normally arouse her can seem quite unexciting.

When a woman masturbates, she focuses on what is happening in her head rather than to her body. There is a mandatory period of time upfront that a woman needs, to search out in her mind the fantasy scenario that will enable her to reach orgasm on that particular occasion. Initially a woman may rely on material from erotic literature. As she gently massages her vulva (over her clitoris) while reading the most arousing passages or re-living them in her mind. She may start by reading the passages she enjoys and then only stimulate herself once she is sufficiently aroused. These scenarios are then later used and reused many times simply by relying on memory. She only uses a handful. But each time there may be a different aspect of the fantasy or a different point in the scenario that turns her on.

When a woman masturbates she adopts a comfort position of lying on her front probably on a bed or somewhere soft. She lies face down, with her legs usually together and uses her fingers to push down over the clitoral bud. The initial phase involves simply keeping her fingers in position over the hood of the clitoris and moving her hips from side to side while she generates some arousal (by focusing on fantasy).

In the early days, she may use her fingers to massage over the clitoral hood through her panties. Quite soon she is likely to prefer more focused clitoral stimulation by using her fingers directly on the skin. Her index fingers massage over the hood of her clitoris and her second fingers over the sides of her labia. By using two fingers from each hand, a woman can massage the erectile tissue (and blood flow) of the pelvic region.

Once a woman has reached a point in her mind where she can feel the sensations of arousal building, she is ready to start putting pressure on the internal clitoral organ. As she gets close to orgasm, a woman uses a thrusting motion together with rhythmically tightening her buttock muscles, putting pressure on the internal clitoral organ from behind. This thrusts the pelvic area forward. She then presses down more firmly over the spongy tissue surrounding the labia (immediately below the pubic bone). The clitoris is pressured between her fingers and the pelvic muscles.

All of these actions are done instinctively. She homes in on the aspects of sex that she knows from past experience are most likely to arouse her sufficiently for orgasm to occur. When her mind is at a peak of arousal, synchronised with both internal and external pressure on the clitoris, she orgasms. Using fantasy produces a sense of release including an increased heart-beat and heavy breathing culminating in waves of relaxation.

Lying on her front is the only position that permits the correct stimulation. This position is incompatible with intercourse or using a vibrator. The kind of clitoral stimulation that leads to orgasm is highly specific and modelled on the male role in intercourse. Female orgasm is achieved by the combined stimulation of fingers, pelvic muscles and body weight on the clitoral organ.

The concentration of stimulation on the clitoris and labia minora in masturbation is a demonstration of the fact that they are the portions of the genitalia which are best supplied with end organs of touch. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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