Learn About Sexuality

How women can enjoy vaginal fisting and anal sex

If a woman is feeling turned-on, she may be willing to allow a man to provide some more explicit stimulation that focuses on her arousal. When she is in the mood she may enjoy the pleasure of her own arousal as her lover stimulates her. If a couple has good communication and the man has invested time (probably decades) in providing clitoral stimulation, a woman may occasionally be able to climax with the correct stimulation.

For a mature woman, as long as the correct anatomy is stimulated (clitoris plus entrance to the vagina or rectum) orgasm occurs fairly predictably. If she is aiming for orgasm a woman needs to block out the physical world to focus on the sensations within her body and on achieving mental arousal. If she is to orgasm, a woman needs a lover who is not distracted by their own arousal: a woman or an older male lover (over the age of 35). She needs more stimulation than when she uses fantasy alone.

Pornography may show women apparently built like horses, submitting to vigorous clitoral stimulation as if they have male genitals. Women in real life do not enjoy this kind of stimulation. A much gentler approach is to be recommended, unless she directs otherwise of course. A man needs to learn how his woman reacts when stimulation is pleasurable. Signs of arousal in a woman are subtler than for a man but include the degree and consistency of her vaginal fluids, the extent that the labia are swollen and the degree of clitoral erection.

Women are slower to arouse with a lover because the more subconscious focus of receiving stimulation (clitoral and penetrative) from a lover is much subtler (indirect) than the mechanism of using conscious fantasy. The surreal nature of women’s fantasies makes them unsuitable for use with a partner. An alternative is for a woman to use her fantasies to inspire a wider variety of sex play with a partner. Just as fantasy is used to achieve orgasm when alone, penetrative stimulation with a lover acts as a catalyst, by providing a subconscious turn-on, so that clitoral stimulation (eventually) leads to orgasm.

Fisting may provide a woman with a unique kind of climax. Vaginal fisting can provide arousing sensations by stretching the entrance to the vagina and the perineum. When her lover’s fingers thrust gently backwards and forwards, a woman can feel overwhelmed by waves of physical arousal. A lover must apply pressure cautiously because fisting can be uncomfortable.

The experience is similar to when the baby’s head breaches the vagina during childbirth. Childbirth is associated with pain rather than arousal. Some women say that they experience a kind of climax. This is similar to the sensations of vaginal fisting when the entrance to the vagina is stretched. There is a peak of sensation that feels like a release of tension. But there is no eroticism involved and so no sense of emotional or sexual release. Also the heavy breathing and increased heart rate of a true orgasm are all missing.

If a woman is open-minded and has a sensitive lover, then anal intercourse combined with clitoral stimulation can also lead to a pleasurable climax. The knowledge that deep penetration has been achieved can be a turn-on in itself. A professional lubricant from a sex shop and plenty of time to take things slowly are critical. Let’s just say that again: time, time and more time. The penetrator must avoid putting any pressure on his partner to speed things up. It’s better to give up and continue another time.

A significant advantage of anal intercourse (over vaginal intercourse) is the increased sensation for the receiving partner. Anal intercourse is more of a psychological turn-on because it emphasises a woman’s vulnerability in offering penetrative sex. A woman should try penetrating a man’s anus with a dildo first just so he can appreciate the control the receiver wants to have to indicate when penetration is uncomfortable.

Stimulation by a lover has to be continued for much longer (on average 10-20 minutes or more) than when a woman masturbates herself alone (on average within 4 minutes). Stimulation techniques are much more effective when a woman is old enough (post 45 years of age) to experience tumescence of the internal clitoral organ. This occurs sporadically in line with average female orgasm frequencies. These climaxes do not compare with the more satisfying orgasms that come from the use of fantasy during masturbation. A woman has faint pelvic contractions which her partner can feel. The physical sensations can be intensely pleasurable but there is not the same sense of releasing sexual emotions with the subsequent relaxation. The increase in heart rate and laboured breathing are also missing.

As men age they can continue intercourse for longer. So it’s surprising that women report fewer orgasms with a lover over time. Research indicates that young women are no more responsive than older women. Young women report orgasms because they are ignorant of what orgasm involves.

Only a small percentage of the females are reaching orgasm in the later years of their marriages. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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