Imagine that you are male (where men are docile creatures who are modest and shy) and you live in a world that is dominated by women who want to believe that you are primarily pleasured through stimulation of the testicles. You yourself have personal experience that orgasm is achieved through stimulation of the penis and that stimulation of the testicles is pleasant enough but does little for you in terms of orgasm.
You then figure out that the reproductive biology and evolutionary precedents all indicate that the penis must be the logical sex organ for your sex. What do you do? Surely it seems almost ridiculous that you have to fight this battle. Surely others of your sex have worked this out already and perhaps also their lovers? Why is there so much confusion on the issue?
Further you find personally that intercourse is your best means of sexual release and that masturbation is a very poor second best. But in the society in which you live, women want only want relationships with you on the basis that you agree with them. You have to pretend that masturbation is what you live for and that intercourse is of little interest. You are expected to go so far as faking your arousal and orgasm to please your lover.
Then you do some research and realise that there are significant biological reasons why men should prefer intercourse over masturbation. You suggest these reasons but everyone, even your own sex, disagree with you vehemently. You conclude that the political pressure is enormous but that (incredible as it seems) others of your sex simply cannot know what orgasm is. There is no reason or discussion, simply silence and embarrassment. Would you be convinced?
You try to talk to others of your own sex. But you find that they are too embarrassed even to mention the words ‘sex’ and ‘orgasm’. You try the opposite sex but of course they want to believe the politically correct view that favours them. Wouldn’t you question your own sanity? Wouldn’t you conclude that this is why sex is taboo: the fact that you can’t ask straightforward questions and get an answer from anyone – only silence?
There is tremendous resistance to any suggestion that sex is biased in men’s favour. Any account of female orgasm is heavily promoted and any accounts of female harassment, exploitation and rape are hushed up. Sex is not always loving and erotic. This is why no one discusses sex or knows what to tell children about sex. Because of the emotions, the deceit, the contradictions and the exploitation.
How do we know that sex information can be trusted?
If sex education is to fulfil its purpose, then it needs to be factual and fair. If it is to be trusted and valued, a sex education must present both the negative and the positive aspects of human sexuality in a constructive way.
We can demonstrate an unbiased view by presenting:
- The issues that may have influenced the research findings;
- The biological and evolutionary precedents for sexuality;
- How and why men and women’s sexual behaviours differ; and
- How orgasm is achieved regardless of sex and orientation.
Sex education provides explanations in terms of the research findings as well as the biological precedents. It puts human sexuality in perspective relative to other animals, especially other mammals and primates. It indicates the aspects of sexuality that are ‘usual’ and those which are less common. Specifically sex education is not a gratuitous foray into kink and turn-ons. Some people think that one person’s opinion provides conclusive proof of other people’s sexuality. They fail to appreciate that people of both sexes experience sex in very different ways. Sex information that is based on personal opinions is only relevant if the person looking for information has the exact same experience as the person giving it.
Many decades have passed since Alfred Kinsey concluded that women orgasm most easily through masturbation. Today there is still no research to support the theory that every woman orgasms with a lover by any means. Yet this assumption forms the basis for offering sex therapy to couples and sex advice to women worldwide. There’s nothing wrong with a woman faking orgasm especially if her partner expects her to. There is also nothing wrong with a woman believing that she can orgasm as men think she should. This belief may reassure her when female orgasm with a lover is defined as the ‘normal’ experience. What is vital is that women who don’t fake orgasm and those who know that they do not have orgasms (as men think they should) are reassured that they are perfectly normal. There is no evidence or logic to support the orgasms and responses women are portrayed as having in pornography.
The scientist who investigates sexual behaviour seems under especial obligation to make his findings available to the maximum number of persons, for there are few aspects of human biology with which more persons are more often concerned. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)