Arousal is not caused by people as such or by relationships. Arousal relies on being able to see a person, to some degree, as an object. Arousal is achieved when the mind focuses on objects or concepts that a person finds arousing. Arousal mechanisms (turn-ons) involve objects, physical attributes and the psychology of a scenario or a lover.
Men naturally see attractive women as objects that cause arousal. Women accuse men of being sexist but this is how male sexual psychology works. Men may suppress their comments because they learn that women are offended but they cannot change their innate responses. Men can love a partner and still view them as a ‘sex object’. Men are not usually aroused by a relative because of the emotional significance of the relationship.
Men, much more than women, can view people as objects. This inability to empathise with others, helps when men need to kill as well as in sexual scenarios. Their sex drive causes men to respond to erotic rather than emotional stimuli. Men, who are natural hunters and have a strong sex drive, cannot afford to empathise with their victims or their lovers.
In past times acting was not a respectable (or even safe) occupation for a woman because any woman who put herself on display (no nudity implied) was seen to be a target for male attention. Later, actresses were associated with prostitution. Women’s activities are often been limited because men view them as sex objects. Women don’t want sex the way a man does. Men have not suffered in the same way because women do not see men as sex objects. Equally sex with a woman is not something most men try to avoid.
Men enjoy trying different positions for intercourse. The missionary position’s disadvantage is that it does not allow a man to see the genital action. Men are aroused by observing their own erect penis during masturbation and they enjoy watching their penis enter a lover’s body. Women find these graphic, visual images unpalatable and non-arousing.
Women tend to see people purely in a social and relationship context. A woman lacks this ability to view a lover as a ‘sex object’. In a real-life sexual situation, a woman is aware of her lover as a social person who she loves. When masturbating, a woman is aroused by scenarios unconnected with her real-life sexual relationship. A woman has to envisage erotic themes to consciously generate the equivalent mental arousal a man needs for orgasm. This mechanism does not work with a lover.
Women’s sexual fantasies involve taboo themes and engaging in surreal sexual activity with complete strangers. Women use fictitious men in their fantasies who can be depersonalised and made into ‘sex objects’ to be used for arousal rather than beings with their own needs. Women’s fantasies provide a mechanism for women to turn men into objects. The men in women’s sexual fantasies are not men they have ever met or who they are in a relationship with. These fantasy men represent male sex drive or an erect penis that is part of a penetrative sex scenario.
In fantasy a woman can simultaneously imagine herself as both giver and receiver. Women’s fantasies are surreal because, in the absence of any sex drive, women need to focus on the more indirect consequences for women that arise from men’s sex drive. Using fantasy allows a woman to be the woman but also the man in the scenario penetrating the woman. She can focus on male ejaculation as a means of producing her own sexual release.
Fantasy is a mechanism a woman uses to focus on a more psychological view of sex by being the object of male sex drive. A woman fantasises about a man doing things to her because men initiate and drive penetrative sex. A woman needs to see herself as sexually attractive and she needs to take pleasure in the knowledge that a man wants her sexually. A woman may enjoy imagining a man’s desire to penetrate her body. In her mind she can also be the male taking the initiative and experiencing the pleasure.
Men enjoy sharing their fantasies because they hope a lover will participate in activity that they fantasise about. Women’s fantasies are not based on reality. They focus on impossible and unreal situations and people. A fantasy involves imagining impossible or improbable things. Women’s sexual fantasies are purely a mechanism for enjoying orgasm. They omit all the practicalities of real life and the eroticism that men enjoy.
On the other hand, since there are marked differences between females and males in their response to psychological stimuli, it seems apparent that those responses must depend upon some mechanism which functions differently in the two sexes. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)