Learn About Sexuality

Similarities between male and female responses

Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. Just as the same mechanism causes men and women to sneeze, so we must also orgasm the same way. Regardless of gender and orientation, both the anatomy and the trigger are the same. We stimulate the phallus and use a mental focus on explicit eroticism. Orgasm techniques are similar whether we are male or female, alone or with a lover, gay or straight.

The phallus (penis or clitoris) is always involved in achieving orgasm. It is inconceivable that men and women would have evolved a response as fundamental as orgasm through different evolutionary routes. This is of course, where the anatomical precedent comes in. The same anatomy must be involved for men and women. The penis and clitoris may not look alike but they develop from the same anatomy in every foetus. The vagina develops from female reproductive glands that waste away in the male.

The penis acts both as a sex organ and a reproductive organ. So men enjoy orgasm, which triggers ejaculation, as part of their reproductive role in intercourse. Women’s reproductive anatomy (the vagina) complements male sexuality (male sex drive). But for women intercourse has a purely reproductive function. A woman has separate anatomy. The vagina is a reproductive organ. The clitoris is the sex organ. Women’s responsiveness (ability to orgasm) mirrors male sexuality including an instinct to thrust.

Orgasm is a specific erotic phenomenon that occurs relatively predictably given the appropriate erotic and physical stimulation. When a person becomes responsive in adolescence (true for men but few women), they discover orgasm naturally. A person knows what they need to think about to achieve orgasm. Once a person is aroused, orgasm is reasonably reliably achieved. Stimulation is only effective once a person is aroused.

We orgasm within an unpredictable timeframe. Intercourse continues only for as long as a man has an erection. A man may want to prolong his enjoyment of intercourse but his orgasm occurs spontaneously. A woman is assumed to orgasm within time limits defined by male thrusting. The idea that women (but not men) need a lover with specialised skills to ‘make them orgasm’ is a fallacy. We cause our own orgasm. What happens in our mind causes us to orgasm. Physical stimulation (regardless of who provides it) is a secondary issue that is only useful once a person is aroused.

Arousal occurs when the mind tunes into erotic thoughts or images. We are conscious of arousal because this trigger increases the flow of blood into the pelvic area. In turn this increased blood flow causes the erectile organ (penis/clitoris) to be sensitive to stimulation. This sensitivity is considerably heightened for a man. A woman obtains only muted pleasure from massaging the internal clitoral organ during masturbation alone.

Sexual activity is not accompanied by a dialogue. Anyone who is intent on orgasm needs to concentrate on mental turn-ons to achieve orgasm. During masturbation alone we always need some form of eroticism to achieve arousal. These fantasies need to be explicitly erotic and include aspects of sex that are sufficiently arousing so as to cause us to orgasm. Fantasies are based on the personal erotic preferences of the individual.

Masturbation is based on an instinctive thrusting behaviour. It is not consciously determined by the individual but rather it happens because the individual does what comes naturally when they are mentally aroused. We could randomly experiment with different masturbation techniques. But on the whole men use a technique that they know from experience achieves orgasm in the most efficient way. Similarly, once a woman discovers orgasm, she repeats the same technique because it works reliably.

Although men are much more flexible in the position in which they can orgasm, they often prefer a position that is above the woman and facing down. A woman lies face down with her hands on her vulva. This position allows for the thrusting motion and the clenching of the buttocks that is critical to achieving orgasm. Women do not orgasm from intercourse because the position they need for orgasm is incompatible with intercourse.

Build-up to orgasm involves rhythmic movements of the whole body, focused on the pelvis. The hips are thrust forward, the thigh and buttocks muscles are flexed. This is an instinctive behaviour that puts pressure on the internal sex organ (penis or clitoris). The sex organ (penis or clitoris) is stimulated simultaneously from behind (or within) as well as from the front (by surrounding skin moving over the glans of the penis or clitoris).

The basic physiology of sexual response is essentially the same among females and males. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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