There are some very noticeable similarities between the ways in which men and women approach orgasm techniques. But men are much more flexible in terms of how and when they can orgasm: either alone through masturbation or with a lover through oral sex or intercourse. Women are only able to achieve orgasm through masturbation alone.
We do not orgasm like clockwork or according to a schedule. Our interest in achieving orgasm comes in bursts, with a number of attempts together sometimes. Even young boys and men do not orgasm the exact same number of times each day or week. Women’s orgasm frequencies are much more noticeably sporadic than men’s because of their lower responsiveness.
The mind concentrates on eroticism
Arousal occurs when the mind tunes into erotic thoughts or images. We are conscious of arousal because this trigger increases the flow of blood into the pelvic area. In turn this increased blood flow causes the erectile organ (penis/clitoris) to be sensitive to stimulation. This sensitivity is much greater for a man than for a woman.
Women’s arousal is subconscious. The feeling of blood flowing to the genitals causes us to instinctively place our hands on our sex organ. Both sexes experience tumescence (the body swelling as a response to arousal) as a result of arousal. But only men have two special cavities, which run the length of the penis and cause erection by filling with blood.
Sexual activity is not accompanied by a dialogue. The silence allows a man to concentrate on his arousal and achieving male orgasm. Similarly, women need even more concentration on a fantasy to achieve orgasm. So women can only orgasm during masturbation alone.
During masturbation alone both men and women need some form of eroticism to achieve orgasm. These fantasies need to be explicitly erotic and include aspects of sex that are sufficiently arousing so as to lead to orgasm. Fantasies are based on the personal preferences of the individual.
Initially a woman may need to figure out which fantasy scenario she can use for orgasm and whether her vulva feels responsive. She can sense the connection between what she is thinking and her genitals being more responsive to stimulation.
Rhythmic pelvic thrusts and tight buttocks
Men masturbate by emulating the male role in intercourse. As do women, who stimulate the clitoris. Although men are much more flexible in the position in which they can orgasm, they often prefer a position that is above the woman and facing down. A woman also masturbates face down.
This position allows for the thrusting motion and the clenching of the buttocks that is a critical part of achieving orgasm. Build-up to orgasm involves rhythmic movements of the whole body, focused on the pelvis. The hips are thrust forward, the thigh and buttocks muscles are flexed. This is an instinctive behaviour that puts additional pressure on the internal sex organ (penis or clitoris).
The sex organ (penis or clitoris) is stimulated or pressured simultaneously from behind (or within) as well as from the front (by surrounding skin moving over the glans of the penis or clitoris). This is just one of the reasons that women do not orgasm with a lover. The position they need for orgasm is incompatible with intercourse.
Other mammals have intercourse standing on their feet rather than when lying down but still with the male on top of the female. This is the dominant position. It is also the position that allows the male control over the stimulation of his own sex organ through thrusting.
We orgasm by massaging the penis/clitoris – specifically the blood-flow within the erectile organ. After achieving our sexual release there is no need to continue stimulation. There’s certainly no point. But equally it is uncomfortable to continue stimulation once we have had an orgasm.
Post orgasm relaxation
Men have a tendency to fall asleep after intercourse. Similarly, women who masturbate, use masturbation as a means of getting to sleep. The sexual release provides a sense of total relaxation that helps with sleep.
Erotic stimulation … effects a series of physiologic changes which … appear to involve adrenal secretion; … increased pulse rate; … a flow of blood into … the penis … and the clitoris; … often considerable loss of perceptive capacity; increase in nervous tension; some degree of frigidity in whole or part of the body at the moment of maximum tension and then a sudden release which produces local spasms or more extensive convulsions. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)