For men sexual opportunities are precious. A man approaches sex with a sense of urgency and anxiety. His prime biological goal is to ejaculate within a woman’s vagina. A secondary goal (but a man’s prime conscious motivation) is to continue intercourse for as long as he can to enjoy the sensations of arousal from thrusting. A man should think of intercourse as ‘intercourse-to-male-orgasm’ to emphasise that a generous male lover offers to pleasure his woman before taking his orgasm.
Men are so easy to please. It can give a woman great pleasure to imagine what she can do to increase a man’s pleasure. To kiss, touch and masturbate him. A man can last 2 seconds. He can ejaculate in her hand. It really doesn’t matter. There’s always another time.
Women are not aroused as men are by sex so they need to make conscious effort to provide male turn-ons by simulating arousal. Some women find this easier to do than others who may appreciate some tips on how to pleasure a man.
Given a woman’s much lower responsiveness, she will never orgasm every time a man does. But she can still provide a lover with a simulated erotic ‘response’. By making small moans or sighs she can assist with her lover’s orgasm as well as provide a form of erotic feedback that indicates when stimulation is pleasurable.
A woman doesn’t need to fake orgasm or even arousal. She can find other ways to be a responsive lover. Intercourse is similar to an erotic dance where a woman follows her lover’s lead. A woman can smile encouragingly. She can touch and caress. She can hold or knead his buttocks. She can stoke his groin through his jeans or massage his penis more firmly. She can kiss him fully on the mouth. She can stoke his back.
Once he is undressed, a woman can stimulate a man by licking and sucking gently on his nipples. Move her hand to his groin and hold his penis. Gently stoke him to bring him erect. Hold his erection firmly and slowly move her hand up and down his shaft. Move her hips over his erection and lower her vagina onto his penis. She can move to his rhythm of thrusting, grasp his buttocks or stroke his balls. She can kiss her lover passionately or run her fingers down his back. By assisting with penile stimulation a woman contributes towards the goal of intercourse: male orgasm.
Men tend to initiate sex so it can be a turn-on if a woman occasionally offers to pleasure a man or suggests what she would like. A woman can flirt by playing along with male fantasies. A woman can make sexual references or use erotic language to arouse a man and indicate her sexual willingness. This is not a deceit or a manipulation. This is about being frivolous. Exaggeration is part of the fun!
If a man loses his erection, a woman can get him to lie on top of her. She can feel around his penis and testicles. Once his penis hardens slightly, she can hold it firmly in her hand and use a gentle pumping action to increase his erection. Once erect, she can guide his erect penis into her vagina. She can move her hips to help stimulate his penis. Lying on her back, a woman can bring her legs up and hug them around her lover’s back. If pressure on the cervix makes deep vaginal penetration uncomfortable, a woman can put her hand between her body and her lover’s to prevent his penis penetrating too deeply.
When lying face down, she can spread her legs so he can manoeuvre between them and plants his erect penis firmly inside her vagina. She tells him to keep his hips still and then she tries to make him come just through her own efforts! If a man moves his weight onto his arms the woman can gyrate her hips or alternate with tightening her pelvic muscles rhythmically to give him more sensation. She can reach down and feel around the base of his penis and his testicles. She can comment on the firmness of his erection and hold his buttocks firmly to pull him deeper inside her.
A woman who is a good lover is relaxed about nudity, physical sex play and sexually explicit activities. A man also enjoys a woman who uses language that is sexually explicit. A woman should exaggerate if necessary as she describes the things she would like him to do to her! For a little variety, plan the occasional session in front of the TV. Using porn movies to supplement sex adds a little spice for both lovers.
Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship. (Les Parrot 2009)