Human sexuality is often presented in terms of a relationship. This allows male and female sexuality to be viewed purely through social liaisons and reproduction. Little importance is placed on the massive sex industry because of the taboo over men paying women for sex.
Men are quickly aroused and they orgasm easily. They don’t make much noise about it. Nor do they expect to provide turn-ons for a lover. But popular beliefs imply that female arousal works quite differently to male arousal. When women are supposedly aroused all we hear is an embarrassing moaning and groaning noise. Men don’t have to make all that noise to convince a lover that they have had an orgasm.
When you look at porn, the men communicate very little. They grunt and their faces express focused concentration. This is to be expected. Anyone who is aiming for orgasm needs to concentrate on enjoying the turn-ons and the stimulation at hand. A woman also makes little noise while she masturbates until her orgasm when she may grunt or pant a little. Female arousal is portrayed quite differently in pornography. Women are shown providing a whole range of erotic feedback for a male audience.
The popular beliefs about female arousal as portrayed in pornography originate from the rape scenario. There is an inherent turn-on in the screams, the body straining to escape and the shocked expression of someone who is being penetrated against their will. Women’s faces communicate a sexual ‘come-on’ or a form of enticement (such as mouthing a half-peeled banana!) to emulate sexual activity that appeals to men. A woman is supposed to be in a more or less constant state of ecstasy during intercourse. So a porn actress moans and screams intermittently throughout the male performance. Naturally she needs to build in some smaller climaxes along the way to bring the man on.
It’s as if women are aroused and then re-aroused on a never ending basis until the man has had his orgasm. Finally, when the man is about to ejaculate, the woman is miraculously also simultaneously ‘satisfied’. Ideally she brings her actions and vocal accompaniment to a final crescendo leading up to the man’s orgasm. Pornography makes female orgasm a joke.
If women were aroused by nudity, they would buy pornographic magazines to enjoy their own arousal from looking at men’s genitals. Equally, women would pay for lap-dancing and pole-dancing bars as men do. Stripping is a form of male entertainment. In recent times male strippers have become more common but women usually laugh at men who act out erotic stripping. Other women are embarrassed or disgusted.
A sexually experienced woman appreciates the turn-on for a man if she emulates male sexual reactions. Women who take a pro-active sexual role are described as acting ‘like a whore’ precisely because not every woman behaves in this way. If a woman does display her genitals, it is for the purposes of arousing her lover not because she herself is looking for genital stimulation.
If women were aroused by a lover’s genitals, more men would display their bodies provocatively as a female turn-on. Women are not aroused with a lover and so they do not ask a lover to provide their fantasies or turn-ons. Women complement men’s sexuality, not by having a similar focus on their own arousal, but by appealing to male fantasies that assist with male arousal.
When a woman seduces a man she tempts him into wanting intercourse with her by providing turn-ons that cause his arousal. A man is seduced by a woman’s looks and her behaviour. She has no erect genitals to display and also no urgent need to stimulate herself or engage in penetrative sex.
Prostitutes and sexually experienced women provide come-ons which the man interprets (according to male sexual behaviours) as an indication that she is aroused and is looking for genital stimulation. Naturally a woman knows that a man wants to stimulate her vagina and not her clitoris, which does not respond with a lover.
Men never witness female orgasm because women experience orgasm alone. Neither are men aware of how female turn-ons work because a woman achieves arousal by using fantasies that she prefers to keep private. So men’s idea of how women achieve these phenomena are based on their lover’s sexual behaviours (not their responses).
She can say she had 5 orgasms and you will have no way of proving her wrong. Truth is what man would even want to prove her wrong. We all like to believe that we laid it down right, so who is really going to question it unless it was a horrible performance (act) on her part. (Stephan Labossiere 2012)