Learn About Sexuality

The role men have in the family & in society

Men and women are not intended to be the same. Men and women are intended to have complementary sexual roles. We can be different and still be worthy of equal respect. Mostly it’s about priorities or what motivates us. For men their own personal status or job is a priority. Women’s priorities tend to focus on their relationship and family.

Nature doesn’t want to replicate complex reproductive biology in both sexes. We have two sexes so that they can complement each other by being different. A man has the reproductive functionality to impregnate a woman. A woman has the reproductive functionality to bear and suckle a child.

Responsiveness (the ability to respond to the point of orgasm) is part of male reproductive function.
Male orgasm is coincident with ejaculation of semen. A man is incentivised to ejaculate by:

  • The satisfaction of unloading semen from the testes.
  • A territorial drive to deposit semen inside a vagina (or other orifice); and
  • The orgasm that triggers ejaculation.

Men are more responsive because there are many more aspects of sexual activity that arouse them. Men have a much greater interest in eroticism.

Women may have control of the family but in general men are the figures of authority in society. Men are physically bigger and stronger. Their voices are louder and deeper. This is in common with many other mammals where the male dominates. Men’s advantage is not only their physical strength but also their emotional resilience that helps them deal with conflict due to the effect of testosterone and adrenaline in their bodies.

Women and children depend on a man to protect them from other men. So men are admired because they protect women and children. Society rewards men who have made a significant contribution to our society. Not because women’s contribution is not valued but because we rely on the skills that men for defence and the survival of our society. While women watch ‘chick flics’, men prefer action movies where men save the world. The word ‘balls’ (testicles) has come to mean courage. The implication is that if you have balls then you are courageous because of the testosterone that compels men to take risks.

While we live in a society where we need men to protect and defend, men will never be like women. Until men are able to evolve the same motivation to nurture family, it is likely that women will continue to direct family life whether they work or not. Equally until women evolve the same motivation to do battle, it is likely that men will continue to be the prime bread-winners in families. Many women do not necessarily want to work in the dangerous, difficult or technical jobs that earn well. Men go into battle not only because they are more suited to it but also because, reproductively, they are more dispensable than women.

Men are much better suited to fighting and killing than women are. Naturally this does not mean that all men want to fight or kill but if they have to they are probably better suited to it. This is one reason for the disrespect towards homosexual men. Some effeminate men (not necessarily homosexual) are not as ready to fight as more ‘macho’ men. Equally there are women who fight and kill.

Fairy tales portray the prince as a charming companion. This kind of story is much more appealing to girls. It is essentially a woman’s romantic fantasy. A woman assumes that a man’s role is to support her ambitions for home and family without considering what a man might hope for in return. Women today receive alimony from a man they are no longer having sex with. A man should put off having a family until he can be sure that a woman is willing to invest in a long-term sexual relationship.

Women often fail to appreciate how different having a baby is for a man. Just as the woman is suddenly the focal point for the new family so the man can feel relegated to a support role (not a position most men enjoy). Women need to allow men enough space and control to define their own approach to parenting. Men can be just as effective parents as women. A woman often controls the decisions in the home. Work can be a male refuge where a man feels his opinion matter and where he can make a difference.

Men can fight and kill to some degree because they never give birth. Men and women face life and death from different biological perspectives. Men have to kill to defend. Women care for babes and older relatives who eventually die. There’s a big emotional difference in approach.

To prove his love for her he climbed the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean and crossed the widest desert. She left him – he was never home. (Allan & Barbara Pease 1999)

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