Men’s sexual discussions tend to revolve around turn-ons because they find such conversations arousing. So men build up a fantasy world around women’s sexuality. When women say nothing, men assume that women are agreeing with them. But women rarely comment on sex. Neither are they typically interested in defining their own sexuality. So having no other information, women assume they should respond in the ways men think are possible. Embarrassment ensures everyone’s silence and ignorance.
Men are aroused by almost any part of the female body but especially those parts that differentiate men from women. So they tend to be fascinated with the female breasts and, of course, the vagina. Both of these anatomical parts are assigned an orgasmic capability in order to satisfy the male desire for a responsive partner. It’s as if women are not good enough as they are.
Breasts are unique to females so they are naturally of interest especially where there are variations between different females. If the only time a man sees a woman’s breasts is when he has sex, then he is aroused by breasts because he associates them with an opportunity for sexual activity. Men, who are regular nudists or who live in cultures where women never cover their breasts, are not especially aroused.
Women’s bodies are not sexual (in a responsive way) but they are considered erotic by heterosexual men. Breasts, for example, which have nothing to do with female arousal or orgasm take on a sexual significance. This sexual significance is a male turn-on but causes women to feel embarrassed and ashamed of their breasts and genitals because of the effect they have on men. They feel that their genitals are ‘dirty’ because of the crude urges they evoke in men. But also women feel like face-less, personality-less bodies that men lust after not people with sensitivities.
Films use sound effects to indicate a couple having sex off-screen: a regular banging (of a bed against a wall) and the woman’s vocal accompaniment. Such scenes may represent a turn-on for men but women are embarrassed by men’s delusions over female arousal. Female orgasm is more often associated with porn than with real life because it is a male turn-on, which men like to attribute to their own sexual expertise.
Women conclude that men are obsessed with sex. But for some men having a consuming interest in every aspects of a lover’s body is quite natural. Women rarely have the same degree of fascination with a lover’s anatomy. So heterosexuality focuses on male turn-ons. Something described as ‘sexy’ or ‘erotic’ inevitably involves an image of female nudity. The internet is full of women selling images of their bodies to men. There is no equivalent demand from women for images of men’s bodies. The images of male nudity that gay men enjoy offend women. Some women claim to use porn as a turn-on but men use porn for masturbation alone. Sex is not typically accompanied by an opportunity to watch porn.
Men revel in the graphic details of body fluids and genital function. Men fantasise about ‘female ejaculation’. There is no precedent for female ejaculation among other animals. Ejaculation of glandular fluids is a male territorial behaviour. Males of many species of mammal mark out their territory by depositing or spraying their glandular emissions over land marks. This is why male dogs want to smell and urinate over every lamp post that they come across. Women do not have the glands that men have. Very few women ever refer to female ejaculation. Even then women do not revel in the detail men enjoy. They simply claim that it happens. This is, of course, the easiest form of fabrication. Most women are offended by displays of nudity, genitals and sexual activity. Those who claim otherwise are looking for attention or money from men.
In erotic fiction the male fantasy that women orgasm through vaginal and breast stimulation is portrayed as if it were fact. Yet women routinely stimulate these body parts with no sexual response. For example, a woman may enjoy relaxing with a baby suckling on her breast but she is not screaming or moaning with ecstasy while she’s doing it. If a woman can be stimulated to orgasm by an adult sucking, kissing and stimulating her nipple then a baby would have the same effect. Similarly, women today routinely insert tampons into the vagina when they have a period. They do this for sanitary convenience but not because it gives them pleasure.
Men disrespect women at a biological level because they have had a woman lie beneath them while they thrust into her vagina and she submitted to this sexual subjugation. How could one expect a man to respect a woman who allows herself to be dominated sexually? But equally women look at the average man and wonder how he ever expects a woman to go to bed with him. Many heterosexual men have no idea of social graces, basic hygiene and the awareness of dressing or presenting themselves in an attractive manner. But somehow heterosexuality has overcome these obstacles over the millennia.
In the younger boy there is no ejaculate because the prostrate and seminal vesicles are not yet functionally developed, and in the female those glands are rudimentary and never develop. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)