Learn About Sexuality

How we masturbate ourselves to orgasm

Sexuality is about enjoying the responsiveness of our own body through masturbation. Our ability to respond to erotic scenarios (both real and imagined) causes us to investigate our own body’s responses. Adults masturbate over the longer term because they can generate turn-ons that reliably lead to orgasm. The incidence and frequency of masturbation is related to our responsiveness and to the creativeness of our imagination. The more creative and inventive we are in imagining scenarios, the more likely we are to enjoy solitary activity that relies on our imagination.

The objectives of masturbation are to enjoy the pleasurable sensations of touching (by stroking and massaging) our genitals. Children discover masturbation by themselves. Few adults discuss explicit sexual activity with children. Boys investigate the possibility of masturbation soon after they learn about it. Such stimulation is highly likely to lead to orgasm for boys but much less likely for girls. Girls do not get erections and their clitoris is not especially pleasurable to touch as the penis is for a boy.

Many fewer girls indulge in erotic fantasies. Most girls enjoy the emotional aspects of relationships. Embarrassment arises because many girls are disgusted by the idea of masturbation. They consider such crude behaviour to be unsavoury. Few women discover masturbation, so mothers object to girls being told that the clitoris can be pleasurable to touch. Women tend to associate the clitoris with lesbians or turn-ons for men rather than with their own sexual pleasure.

From observing how men respond to stimulation, it appears to an observer as if men are aroused purely through physical stimulation. So women assume that masturbation involves rubbing yourself with no effect. The idea of masturbation seems very mundane to women. Any stimulation by hand (or more accurately fingers) or with a vibrator or other object can be called masturbation. Some women use an object such as a soft toy or pillow to stimulate the vulva but probably not to masturbate to orgasm.

Men typically masturbate to orgasm whereas few women learn how to use the erotic fantasies (including explicit psychological stimuli of an erotic nature) that are necessary for a woman to reach orgasm. Many women assume that they should stimulate their vagina since this is the anatomy involved in intercourse. Women are not attracted to the idea of masturbation because they are not interested generally in the genitals.

Women often make disparaging or insulting remarks about masturbation. They show their aversion to masturbation among other women to obtain support for their rejection of such a crude and unnecessary behaviour. This explains why many men never tell their partners that they masturbate. Many women simply do not understand why anyone would masturbate. Women who do masturbate (certainly the minority) are inevitably alienated by such attitudes. Women who do masturbate tend to keep their masturbatory experiences to themselves (much as men do).

We usually masturbate when we are alone. A woman may masturbate a man during sexual activity either to assist with his arousal as a precursor to either fellatio and/or intercourse. Most of the time (especially for younger women) it is not possible for a woman use clitoral stimulation to orgasm with a lover. When we talk about masturbation we are usually referring to self-stimulation. We mostly use our fingers to stimulate our sex organ in a stroking or massaging movement. The specific techniques are quite different though for men and women.

Men usually stand and move their foreskin with some considerable speed back and forth over the glans, holding their penis between their thumb and second finger). They often watch as they press their erect penis downwards and thrust their hips forwards. A woman uses a different technique, which restricts the position in which she can masturbate (to orgasm).

A woman lies on her front, with her eyes closed and presses down with fingers from both hands over the hood of the clitoris. As she approaches climax a woman increases the pressure downwards and into the soft spongey tissue immediately below the clitoris. This action, combined with rhythmic clenching of the buttocks, puts pressure on the internal clitoral organ. Effectively a woman mimics the male position in intercourse.

Once a woman gets into a relationship with a man, sex becomes focused on a man’s need for regular intercourse. Sex becomes functional, which is a real killer for women’s imaginations. The teen and single years give a woman the opportunity to explore what arouses her and to anticipate what she might enjoy with a lover. Girls, who do discover how to achieve their own arousal, learn to masturbate later than boys because their fantasies are more complex. If a woman does not masturbate when she is young she is unlikely to discover orgasm unless she is single later in life.

Masturbation may or may not be pursued to the point of orgasm, and it may or may not have orgasm as its objective. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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