In many developing countries, the age of legal maturity is set lower for girls than for boys. Without the benefit of an education and a job, women have little choice but to marry and have children. Girls as young as 10 or 12 are sold as wives to richer men who are in their forties or older. Young girls do not have the emotional development to form an attachment to a man. Even when they do, they need a man to return their love by being affectionate and considerate including how he approaches penetrative sex. When a child is crying, there can be no illusion that they are enjoying pleasure.
A man’s right to have intercourse with his wife, is enshrined in law and makes it often impossible for a woman to charge her husband with rape no matter how violent the act. No one protects these human rights. Just as no one, stops the sexual and physical abuse of children who are put into care in rich countries. One of the advantages of living in a so-called civilised society, is that it’s always someone else’s responsibility to make things right.
The fact that men drug women or get them drunk to obtain sex, does not lead an objective observer to conclude that enthusiasm for intercourse is shared equally between the sexes. Date rape is a conscious attempt by a man to have sex with a woman when she is incapacitated and so incapable of objecting, defending herself or even remembering what happened.
There is also sex without consent where the victim is either silent or ineffective in making their objections. They allow their abuser to insist on the goal of penetration because they are too embarrassed, intimidated or frightened to object. Many women claim rape after the event. They feel they were manoeuvred or pressured into having sex when they didn’t want it.
Respect, which is vitally important for women in their relationships with men, plays no role for men. Many men see women foremost as sex objects for their gratification rather than people with feelings and choices. Men’s arousal cycle (from arousal to ejaculation) is most satisfactorily completed by engaging in intercourse. This makes a woman’s role mandatory from the male perspective. A man finds it almost impossible to understand why a woman wouldn’t want to have intercourse whenever he is able to provide it.
Most men most of the time respect the fact that they only obtain intercourse from a woman when she is amenable. If a man is angry with a woman, he may disregard the usual custom of waiting for her implicit consent. We say that he forces himself upon her. When he does this, he does it knowing she doesn’t want intercourse. He does it as an act of aggression towards a woman who is unwilling to make herself sexually available to him.
Men are not victims of rape through vaginal intercourse because it is an act of male dominance. Male rape (by other men) is not so common that men take precautions against it. Men are raped within institutions such as prisons, boarding schools and the armed forces where men are incarcerated without women. The National Crime Victimization Survey defines rape as forced intercourse: that is vaginal, oral, or anal penetration by an offender.
Male rape is when a man is forced to receive anal intercourse from another man. The receiver can be homosexual or heterosexual. But within a consensual relationship a homosexual man can enjoy (without orgasm) being the receiver of anal sex with his lover. There is a similar confusion over vaginal intercourse. A woman is assumed to orgasm with a lover even though she may vehemently object to the same stimulation with a stranger.
Women are rarely convicted of sexual crimes. Cases of rape by a woman are exceedingly rare. One woman forced a chained-up man to have sex with her. The other cases were statutory rape, involving underage sex rather than forced intercourse, between teachers and students. Given a woman has no urgent sexual need, she has nothing to gain by forcing herself on a man.
Men are instinctively better fighters than women are. Women are paralysed by fear rather than spurred into action. A man can rape a woman because he is physically stronger. He can easily immobilise her and use his body weight to keep her controlled. Men’s sex drive (to ejaculate into the vagina) far outweighs women’s ability to expel a man before he has ejaculated.
Men cannot understand the anger a woman feels at being penetrated against her will. Self-evidently, there is the physical damage: the blood, the pain and the healing process. More importantly there is the psychological violation of the victim’s ability to make their own choices. A victim of rape feels humiliation, anger and hatred towards a person has invaded their body and brutally violated it despite their objections. A woman feels fear and disgust when she cannot defend herself against a man’s unwanted sexual advances.
A young man accused of rape suggested in his defence that he had assumed women were supposed to scream from watching pornography. Most men recognise the signals that a woman gives out when she wants sex. She is smiling. The lead-in to sex is affectionate and mutual. During intercourse a woman co-operates. She is not resisting. Women are shown screaming in pornography as a turn-on. In real life women do not enjoy pain or violence.
If she’s too drunk, she can’t give you consent. Also, silence is not consent. What kind of creep tries to have sex with a girl who is so drunk that she doesn’t know what’s going on? (Alice Carter 2014)