Men and women’s sexuality are fundamentally different. Men are responsive. They enjoy erotic fantasies and genital activity. Women are emotional. They enjoy romance and companionable activities. A man is sexual because he is responsive. A woman is sexy because she is attractive to men. The reason we have two sexes is for diversity.
If men and women had identical emotional responses and motivational drives there would be no point in having two sexes. A sexual behaviour is one that differentiates men from women and also gays from heterosexuals. Behaviours are more strongly influenced by sex than by orientation. Sexual behaviours include enhancing attractiveness, giving pleasure and showing initiative. We need to provide explanations for why the sexes behave in different or similar ways.
Men’s behaviours derive largely from their responsiveness. A responsive individual focuses on their own arousal. Men seek out sources of eroticism. Men discuss sexual matters relatively readily especially among their own sex. The vast majority of men masturbate regularly. Men like porn. They dislike romance. Their bravado involves boasting about the number of sexual opportunities and partners they have had. They are careless of their looks. They enjoy sex chat.
Responsive individuals (men) initiate sexual activity both alone and with a lover. Men initiate heterosexual activity of any kind including dating and intercourse. Men focus on genital stimulation. They are motivated to explore adventurous genital stimulation techniques. Men have difficulty relating to the more romantic (emotional and companionable) aspects of relationships. Anyone who is responsive is likely to be more interested in sexual pleasuring that is focused on achieving orgasm.
Men exhibit a much greater range of sexual behaviours and deviancies than women do. Men are paedophiles, have fetishes, etc. Men are responsible for the vast majority of sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape. Men and women are raped by men. On average men are much more promiscuous than women.
Homosexual men demonstrate similar behaviours to heterosexual men. Regardless of orientation, men have a drive to engage in penetrative sex and to enjoy the eroticism of being physically intimate with a lover. Gay men are often highly promiscuous with sexual encounters proceeding quickly to genital action. Gay men don’t date, they have short-term relationships and casual sex based on genital gratification.
Women are largely unresponsive. A person with a low responsiveness is under less pressure to ‘perform’
so they focus on a lover’s arousal. The behaviour of providing turn-ons for a partner is the inverse of being responsive. Hence why women employ more behaviours than men.
Women’s behaviours are motivated by the desire to arouse a partner. Women are relatively passive during sexual activity. They dislike genital display and manipulation. Women like the emotional stimuli of romantic stories and discuss relationship issues. They dislike erotic stories, which are the female equivalent to porn. Many women know that they do not orgasm through intercourse. Other women only think they do because they are told by men that they should.
Women’s responses must be similar regardless of orientation. Lesbian women demonstrate similar behaviours to heterosexual women. Regardless of orientation, a woman enjoys demonstrating her love for a partner by responding to lovemaking in return for her lover’s appreciation and affectionate response.
Lesbian women are rarely promiscuous. Lesbians tend to prefer longer-lasting, sometimes platonic relationships involving strong emotional attachments. Lesbians have long-term relationships based on affection and do not always engage in genital activity. If they do, then their lovemaking focuses on the clitoris.
Women accept that intercourse will be part of a relationship with a man. No one ever explains why. Usually women are just told that it is their duty. Nowadays women are told that they are supposed to enjoy sex. Logically if we are naturally inclined to enjoy something then it happens automatically. We don’t have to work at it too hard. Women are naturally less interested in sexual activity focused on genital stimulation.
A woman learn quickly that men are motivated by sexual opportunities. This works for and against her. If she provides him with sex, then he is devoted to her. If she doesn’t provide him with sex he is drawn to other women. So she is obliged to offer sex to keep him tied into the family. A woman doesn’t need the motivation of sex to want to have a family.
Girls do not discuss sexual activities as freely or as frequently as boys do. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)