Explaining men & women’s sexual behaviours

Behaviours are more strongly influenced by sex than by orientation. This is because our sex affects our responsiveness. But orientation has nothing to do with responsiveness. Sexual behaviours include enhancing attractiveness, giving pleasure and showing initiative. A sexual behaviour is one that differentiates men from women and gays from heterosexuals.

On average men are much more promiscuous than women. Homosexual men demonstrate similar behaviours to heterosexual men. Regardless of orientation, men have a drive to engage in penetrative sex and to enjoy the eroticism of being physically intimate with a lover.

Lesbian women are rarely promiscuous. Lesbians have long-term relationships based on emotional attachments. Lesbian relationships are not necessarily focused on genital stimulation. Lesbians enjoy spending companionable time together and engaging in affectionate sex play, such as kissing, cuddling and sensual touching. They do not always engage in genital activity but if they do, their lovemaking focuses on the clitoris.

Men initiate most heterosexual activity including dating and intercourse. Men seek out sources of eroticism to enjoy their own arousal. The vast majority of men masturbate regularly. Men’s bravado involves boasting about the number of sexual opportunities and partners they have had. Men exhibit a much greater range of sexual perversions and deviancies than women do. Men are responsible for the vast majority of sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape. Men are paedophiles, they have fetishes, etc.

Some men need a woman to act out a sexual role in order to obtain their sexual and emotional satisfaction. Men’s minds are much more varied in how they use real life scenarios for erotic arousal. For example some men want a woman to act out a role or engage in a fetish or just suck on a woman’s nipple as if breast-feeding. This scenario presumably provides the emotional reassurance of a mother’s love. Women do not obtain physical gratification or sexual release from similar scenarios. Some women will provide for a man’s unusual needs especially if they are paid.

A man approaches sexual activity with a lover intent on intercourse. This means men’s arousal cycle, from erection to ejaculation, is centre stage. So men are highly sensitive about their ability to achieve and maintain an erection as well as engage in sexual activity without ejaculating too soon. A man’s erection signifies his virility and ability to impregnate a woman.

Men’s emotions (aggressive behaviour) and emotional needs (sex) are easy for a woman to understand. Men are much less aware of women’s emotional needs. Women’s reward is caring for those they love. Sex provides a woman with a means of rewarding a man. Women use the conscious sexual behaviours of being willing to provide male turn-ons by the way they present themselves, by what they say and how they behave.

Women are relatively passive during sexual activity. They dislike genital display and manipulation. Sex is not an activity that women are typically motivated to initiate. Most women engage in sexual activity only as a response to a man’s initiative. Women are essentially on the defensive. They only need to allow a man’s instinctive desire to explore their bodies.

Sex does not occur as a result of any natural response that a woman has. So even the idea of sex can be very embarrassing for a woman. Women feel uncomfortable about sex because the sex urge comes from a man’s body. Sex is something that men do to women. Men’s belief that women should experience the same pleasure that they do, puts pressure on women. Most women prefer to view sex as an emotional rather than an erotic experience. Sexual responsiveness seems crude and impersonal to women.

Women boast about orgasm for a number of reasons. Firstly they enjoy the attention they get. They enjoy the feeling of superiority from intimidating other women. Women are also often selling sexual services including sex therapy where a male view of sex is used to sell supposed knowledge of techniques. Women rarely provide any explicit details and they never talk of erotic turn-ons. They typically provide sexual come-ons if selling sex.

The evidence for female responsiveness comes, not from one woman’s orgasm claims, but from the behaviour of women in the general population. For example, some women claim to be aroused by porn but they never refer to explicit turn-ons. Any visual portrayals of genitals are censored in every society because all women (at some level) are disgusted by the erotic stimuli that men enjoy. But if women were aroused by porn then they would also generate demand for male strip-bars and male lap-dancing bars. They would heckle and cat-call men in the street. Women don’t do this because men are much more willing. It is men who need to chase women.

Girls do not discuss sexual activities as freely or as frequently as boys do. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)