Female mammals are involved in the daily care of and affectionate play with their young. They also engage in grooming of their cubs. The male has contact with others only for breeding purposes. Male mammals fight other males for breeding rights. They engage with females to mate. Male mammals do not typically raise young. Women tend to gravitate towards men who can provide protection and lifestyle through earnings or status.
The sudden increase in responsiveness that boys experience during adolescences changes their attitude towards genitals and sexual activity. Teenage boys develop an interest in their own genitals because of the pleasure of their own arousal. They are also fascinated with the genitals of people they are attracted to and with opportunities for penetrative sex. Girls do not experience this increase sudden in responsiveness, so genitals and sexual activity remain relatively unappealing much as they are to children.
The key characteristic of an individual who has a low frequency (or non-existent) erotic response to sexual activity (typically women) is that they are sexually passive with a lover. Women do not focus on obtaining the physical stimulation they need for orgasm because they do not experience sexual arousal with a lover (so stimulation is pointless). Neither are women motivated to explicitly stimulate a lover (except by offering intercourse) because they are not aroused by their lover’s body and sexual attributes.
The only proactive sexual role available to individuals with low responsiveness (women) is to assist with a lover’s arousal and orgasm. This behaviour is consciously motivated, rather than a response to eroticism. If a woman cares about a man, she may appreciate that his sexual release is critical to his emotional happiness. Women also provide turn-ons to reduce the time they have to invest in sexual activity that does little for them. They can assist with the physical stimulation of their lover’s sex organ. When a woman provides fellatio or moves her hips during intercourse, a man may assume that her motivation for doing so is because she is aroused. In truth a woman does this to please her lover (or because she is paid).
Alternatively, women can provide turn-ons such as faking their own arousal and orgasm. Women also wear attractive lingerie or engage in offering more explicit invitations. Some women (but by no means all) may allow a lover to stimulate them in various ways depending on what their lover finds arousing.
Most girls do not experience responsiveness. Those women who are responsive, do not respond to the same erotic scenarios that men do. Women are not aroused by genitals and sexual opportunities. Women continue to think of genitals as smelly and dirty because they are associated with going to the toilet or their periods. The vagina is a moist orifice similar to the mouth. Before putting a penis in her mouth, a woman expects a man to wash it. If he puts his penis in her vagina, she has no interest in his genital hygiene. To women, the vagina is dirty and out of sight and out of mind.
A woman’s top concern on having sex for the first time is not her own orgasm but that a man should care about her as a person. Young women may vaguely hope that a partner can magic up an orgasm for them. This is because of the fiction spread by men in the hope of encouraging women to engage in intercourse. Less responsive individuals may enjoy using their bodies to give pleasure. Women focus on sensual pleasures rather than genital stimulation techniques. They hope a lover will engage in the more romantic (loving, affectionate and companionable) aspects of relationships.
Women can be openly affectionate, touching and kissing friends of either sex without any sexual implications. It is much more difficult for men to engage in the same kind of innocent intimacy because men typically have sexual motivations when making physical contact with other people. Women connect emotionally to people for significant periods of time.
A woman hopes to spend significant amounts of time with a lover. In a new relationship, a woman feels good being with her lover. She enjoys the novelty of being admired through sex. When we care about another person, we have their interests at heart. We make effort for them and we consider their feelings. We feel valued when they give us what we need emotionally.
Women’s conscious responses with a lover are driven by social attitudes. In the past it was considered unseemly for a woman to cooperate with intercourse. The idea that a woman might enjoy the activity put pressure on a man to continue intercourse for longer than he could. This is evidence that women’s responses with a lover involve conscious behaviours rather than spontaneous sexual responses. No one can suppress responsiveness.
We know women are not easy to get into bed because of male ego. If women were keen, it would not be a male conquest. This is a fundamental aspect of male sexuality that sex occurs because of a man’s skills as a lover. This is why men attribute female orgasm to their own sexual prowess. Men typically pay for dates. Women usually want something in exchange for offering sex. Sex does not provide women with either arousal or emotionally fulfilment, so women can feel used. Some women assume that a man will love them if they offer sex but men don’t necessarily connect sex with love.
“He’s just using me for sex,” we whine self-righteously. And what are we using him for? A wedding ring? His sperm? (Valerie Harris 2012)