I am Jane Thomas, the sex educator and researcher. I have spent more than 20 years of my life actively researching sexuality. I am passionate about combatting sexual ignorance. My work is available for free on the internet to invite the widest possible audience. I have been married for over 30 years and I have three grown-up daughters. Please connect with me via LinkedIn or Twitter! Read my books, watch my videos or email me!
My research has involved asking many difficult questions, most of which I have had to answer myself. The answers were always there. Only naivety, ignorance and embarrassment stood in my way. Naturally my implied inadequacy was embarrassing. But I was also naïve about sexual politics and I didn’t realise how rare female orgasm must be. I came to realise that even the most accepted beliefs were not facts at all but just assumptions.
I present the precedents for responsiveness, explanations for men and women’s behaviours together with a discussion of the misinterpretation of the research findings. Kinsey’s work especially is a legacy we should treasure. Nothing has replaced the wealth of statistics and conclusions from his work. This is a loss that my work attempts to put right. One day I hope our society will be motivated to continue his work as he intended to ensure that future generations have access to factual and logical sex information.
I present the facts and logic together with the research findings. But I am not trying to force my conclusions onto anyone. My work is available via the internet for free to those who value it. Anyone can draw their own conclusions and take away whatever information they find helpful. But a person needs to be willing to contemplate new ideas with an open mind.
Emotional beliefs arise when we substitute our own personal opinions for a lack of knowledge and understanding. Once we have formed these beliefs we tend to hold onto them regardless of any contrary evidence. Emotional beliefs cannot be supported by any facts nor can they be explained by logic.
This is not because people lack the intellectual skills but because their beliefs comfort them. Even in the face of research findings, they cannot be convinced to abandon them. They object to any discussion that questions their beliefs not because they have any alternative facts or reasoning but simply because being challenged makes them feel uncomfortable. The facts can be inconvenient when we have convinced ourselves otherwise.
People (of both sexes) are embarrassed to talk about sex because it is political. They allow their emotions to dominate. Both ignorance of the facts and a determination to believe the impossible dominate their thinking. But they cannot explain themselves. They have opinions but they have no appreciations of the need to have research findings to support their beliefs.
I try to bring some common sense and logic to the discussion of sex and sexuality. I talk specifically about responsiveness as well as how and when women orgasm. My work highlights the contradictions inherent in the portrayal of female sexuality today, which reflects fictional media rather than research findings. As a result, I am challenging the sex information that is currently provided to women, which I believe is wrong.
I have found that neither intercourse nor cunnilingus cause orgasm. I have never been able to masturbate to orgasm with a lover and a vibrator does nothing for me. I can vouch for the fact that the many ways in which women are supposed to orgasm with a lover are complete fiction. I know this not only because of my own experience but also because other women cannot account for the orgasms they think they are supposed to have.
I can explain why the orgasm techniques we assume women use with a lover cannot possibly result in orgasm. Naturally men find this difficult to accept. But what has been much more shocking to me is the realisation that most women have no idea what I am talking about. Female orgasm cannot be nearly as common as fictional media would lead us to believe.
I’m glad to say that I’m not an expert. I haven’t been trained in the sexual ignorance others are willing to accept. I have relied on my common sense. I have been able to explain my experiences in terms of the research findings. The overwhelming proof of my competency is that I am ready to talk about explicit aspects of sexuality. No one else has anything to say. No one seems to appreciate that original research has to change the status quo. It does not involve simply agreeing with everyone else’s opinions.
Wherever you try to talk about sex in public, someone will say it is inappropriate. The result is that there is no intelligent discussion of sex anywhere. Most women are offended by any sexual references. Most men only tolerate sexual comments that support male fantasies. Wherever women are present on the web, sexual content is banned. Even images with partial nudity or implied sexual activity cause offense. Another problem is that explicitly sexual vocabulary is associated with pornography. Yet any credible sex information must also use such terminology. Sex information is so rare that it does not have its own niche on the internet or elsewhere.
Our laws and customs are so far removed from the actual behaviour of the human animal that there are few persons who can afford to let their full histories be known. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)